The Hogwarts School Diaries, Part I
by retirw-motnahp
Summary: Read through the pages of the Diaries of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy as they each struggle with their own destiny. Rated R for Violence, Rape, and Slash.Chapter 23 is up!The End of Part I! Please Read and Review!
1. Diary of Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy

I will always remember this night, it shall be forever burned into my mind and thoughts. I am writing this in hopes that one day she will find it some how and know, know that I never intended any of this to happen. Oh, how can I begin to write such horrible deeds down on paper? But I must, for I can tell no one, ever, for her sake and my own.

Tonight was cold, and raining, that much I will always remember about it, though everything that was to follow chills me more now than the icy rain. The only thing I cared about was how bloody freezing it was and that my nice expensive clothes would be ruined by the harsh penetrating rain. I was nervous, who wouldn't be knowing that they were about to be infront of the darkest wizard in history, but I am a Malfoy, and Malfoy's show no fear. The nervous butterflies in my stomach having long since dissipated after the first twenty minutes of walking in such conditions, all that concerned me then was getting to our destination as quickly as possible.

I can see now the angry disgusted scowl that was painted over my features, glad my head was low and hood was up so that if by chance my father turned to look at me he would not see the expression. As we neared our destination I dared a glance up at my fathers master's great lair.

'What is this dump?' I thought in a bitter tone as father lead me through the shattered remains of what was once a fence and to a derelict structure that was probably a handsome home a thousand years ago. My boots stuck in the deep mud making sloshing noises, I groaned audibly at the knowledge that the shoes would be ruined and looked down at the pair just as father stopped in front of me. I bumped into the firm back of the elder Malfoy who turned and gave his son a dark look accompanied by a sneer. I lowered my head and kept my mouth shut despite the vile phrases that ached to flee my lips against getting my possessions ruined.

My possessions, that's all I cared about. Heh, little did I know that what of mine that would be ruined from this night would pale in comparision to what she lost…I must continue.

Malfoy Sr. turned back to front and I saw for the first time that we were at a door that simply gave way and opened as father pushed on through. Though the room we entered was in ruins and filthy with age we were glad for the shelter from the rain and the slight warmth that the house provided . Not even bothering to take a look around father lowered his black hood and started to walk through the house.

"Draco, come here." My fathers whispered cold tone drew me quickly to his side, never would I have dreamed where my father was leading me and never did I think to ask, knowing it would only gain me a stern look from my guardian. I followed him up the modest stair case. The wood, feeing as though it would break from the weight, sighed and creaked beneath our feet.

As we reached the top of the stairs I noticed father's shoulders straightening more and that he was continuously running a hand over his long platinum blond hair to ensure that every hair was perfectly in place and I couldn't help but smirk at seeing my father so worked up at being infront of anyone. 'What is this, a date?' I joked in my mind, a small attempt at trying to calm the flipping in my stomach which had started up again as we ascended the rotting stairs.

I swallowed a bit, 'A Malfoy never shows fear.' I told myself as we turned into a much less dusty room, a large fire was blazing in the mantle and there was a large old green chair in front of it.

"Master?" Father whispered in a cautious tone stopping just inside the room, I falling in beside him while looking around the room. I could feel my heart racing inside my chest. 'What was this place all about? If Voldemort was the greatest wizard in the world why was he hiding in a shack like this?' I wondered, my attention finally coming to rest on the tattered chair.

I watched, frozen with anticipation, as father moved forward to the chair, though he had gotten no response, and as he reached its back he swung the piece of furniture around to reveal that the Dark Lord was not there, yet a gagged, bound, and unconscious Hermione Granger was! How can I explain the terrior I felt at seeing her there? The way her clothes were torn and bloody and her hands and feet were bound made my heart ache for her. Though my entire life I had been taught that Muggle-born's are bad blood and not proper wizards, that we should hate them and not allow them in our world, at this moment I felt that no one, not even a Muggle-born deserved this. But this was only the beginning of her pain. Little did I know what part I was to play in it.

Just then a high pitched mechanical laughter broke out around us and I felt every hair on my neck prick sending a vicious chill down my spine and causing me to shudder. It took me a moment to realize that there was a hand on my shoulder, for I couldn't feel the weight of it. I didn't dare turn to look at the owner of the hand for the fear in my stomach held me. My eyes remained glued to the vision of the young Gryffindor in the chair before us all.

"What do you think of my little gift for your son, Lucius?" the high snake like voice spoke in an amused tone to his servent bend and knee on the floor before him. Finally the hand lifted from my shoulder and I saw what was to be my future master walk before me. The sight that met my eyes was nearly as troubling as Hermione in the chair. Blood red eyes looked over my entire body as if examining me though my clothes, I knew that there was no pity or understanding to ever be found in those eyes. They stared out through a snake like face what was as pale and as thin as parchment. His black robes and cloak billowed around him as he moved to stand beside his captive and servant. The later which moved to return to his sons side and he bowed low to his master, I followed accordingly, this causing a fresh wave of dark laughter to erupt from the thin lips and echo through the room once more.

"Ah Lucious, true to your word you have brought me your only son and for this you will soon be rewarded, if his loyalties prove to be true." The Dark Lord said as he paced around the ruined chair like a lion would his prey. A similar sneer over his non-existent lips and a frightening glint in his ruby orbs force me to look away. I knew who I was loyal to, ever since I was ten I had known that this was to be my future, destiny even, to be a part of the Death Eaters and help Voldemort to victory over the Wizarding World.

"Come, Wormtail." The Dark lord cried out to some unseen person behind my father and I. A round filthy man shuffled into the room, I moved quickly out of my low bow to allow him more space to enter and in doing so caught a glimpse of the rat like features of the servant. "Bring the mud-blood child down to join the party..."

Wormtail moved quickly to oblige as the Dark Lord moved over to us as if we were his treasured guests, guiding us out of the room and down the stairs, father speaking of all the great and powerful things I could do as if discussing the weather. It was true, father had taught me well the spells necessary to serve the dark lord, but I knew the Dark Lord was already aware of that information. I followed along in silence my mind reeling over why father had brought me there, and why Hermione Granger was my 'gift'.

The Dark lord guided us through the remains of the kitchen in the home and to what appeared to be an old cellar door under which was another set of steps. I must stop for a moment and collect my self, my hand in shaking. There, that's better. Not for the first time I am grateful to be a Malfoy so that my father allows a small bottle of port in my private chambers.

Leading down below the earth into a pitch black pit I was instantly struck by a chill, the temperature having dropped severely now that they we below the surface. We reached the end of the stairs and I looked around, nothing could be seen through the pitch black and I longed to pull out my wand and mutter a light spell. I couldn't even tell if father was beside me or not, fear started to sink in as nothing happened and no one spoke for a very long time.

Suddenly there was a blinding light before my eyes, but it was not of magic ,it was electric, and a bright aluminous white that stunned my eyes and made me blind for a few moments. Blinkingly my eyes adjusted and I managed to look around and saw with another stab of fear that I was completely alone, the cellar door and stairs had disappeared and all that remained was the unconscious form of Hermione Granger lying on the dirt floor. In this new light I could see that she was badly beaten, her brown-blond curls were dusty and had dried blood clinging to it in sections, a long cut was across her cheek, and her clothes were in total disarray. Her hands were tied behind her back with a thick brown rope and her feet were bound the same.

'What in Merlin's name is going on?' I thought, panic starting to tear into me and I tried to force my mind to think clearly. But everything seemed to be foggy, like nothing was real, and I wished that it were all just a bad dream

I took a single step closer to her and instantly the now familiar high pitched laugh vibrated around me sending the chills once again down my spine, "Do you like your gift?" came the voice in the same amused tone, "This is your test…" the tone changed, almost as though it were an entirely different person, it was now harsh, cold and cruel and sent another chill down my body "To prove yourself to your new master. If I so choose to allow you to be by my side."

I blinked again, taking a moment to let the words seep through the fog of my brain. Of course, he wanted to see me torture her. With a small nod and a deep breath I slowly reached into the side pocket of my cloak, searching for my wand, but no sooner was it out of my pocket than had it flown from my grasp and vanished.

"No! Fool!" came the harsh tone cutting through the empty space like a blade.

I was totally confused and started to get a little more than afraid. Where was father? And why was he making me do this? If I wasn't supposed to curse her or kill her, what was I suppose to do? A soft feminine moan came from my right startling me and I jumped a bit away from the slowly moving form on the floor. My eyes darted to the face of the Gryffindor and saw her eyes were still closed though she was slowly returning to consciousness. 'She is going to see me!' I thought panic striken.

'What does he want me to do?' I asked myself as she started moving more, soon the realization appeared to hit her that she was bound and she started to become more awake, moving her arms and legs with more intensity.

"Take from her the innocence of childhood…" came the cold tone once more in a fine whisper as if right beside him. 'No…..' I thought at once, all of the reasoning finally hitting me. My head felt light and my stomach weak as though I were going to be sick. 'I…..oh shit….' I thought to myself trying to keep the room from spinning as I watched her return to reality. I covered my mouth with a hand, to shocked and disgusted to do anything.

And then it happened, she opened her eyes and the first thing they landed on was me. Of course what else was there.

Oh Merlin! What I must have looked like through her eyes standing there in my fine proper clothes, handsome and perfect as she lay beaten and broken on the floor, how arrogant and evil I must have appeared. Her warm brown eyes turned cold in a heart beat and into a deep glare, pure loathing pouring from their depths as I continued to stand there dumb before her.

"You….." she said between clinched teeth, and I could see then that her lips were both split and one had begun bleeding. Her voice was shaking with the anger and most likely fear that seethed though her body.

'I can't do this.' I thought at once, taking a half a step back, 'I don't want this, I don't want to rape anybody, especially not a mud blood' I could feel the disgusted expression forming over my features. Though I was fully aware that the Dark Lord was probably picking all of my thoughts right from my mind I found I couldn't help it. 'They will kill me if I don't do this!' I tried to reason with myself, 'This is what the Lord wants; it's what my father wants. But how is this going to help kill Potter?' I continued to eye the shuddering form of the Gryffindor, I could hear her speaking to me but the words could not penetrate my deep thoughts. My vision was out of focus with my thoughts. 'Never Question the Dark Lord.' Father's words came into his mind, 'Or it will be the last question you ever ask.'

'I have no choice.' I decided and took a short breath, clearing my mind and trying to gather all the strength I could muster for the task ahead, and started towards my captive. I knew, some how I knew, that my father and the dark lord were still watching, I knew what they would want to see. The evil, dark Slytherin taunting and cold to his prey.

"Where are your books now, Granger?" I asked in the coldest tone I could fake with out my voice cracking and placing the worst sneer I could force my face to form. She spat at me, god the fire in those eyes, the hatred. "Now…that's not very nice of you, Mrs. Granger…" I said in the same tone, now standing with her directly at my feet. I bent at the knees and squatted in front of her, a pale hand reaching out to touch her jaw. She jerked away but my hand quickly gripped beneath her chin and forced her to turn her eyes to mine. The angry brown met icy silver in a brief moment and I nearly chocked on my words. "We can either do this the easy way….or the hard way, really I don't care much for either so I'll let you pick."

Oh how crule I can be. I shoved her hard onto her back, her arms were tied behind her and she cried out in pain as her hands were crushed beneath her own weight and winced visibly as I then straddled her. Her entire form froze and she stopped struggling against the binds on her wrists and looked up at the boy atop her. Fear took over her eyes as realization struck her. She opened her mouth only slightly a soft gasp coming from her chapped lips. The fear and understanding that was hidden in her brown orbs made my heart shudder and I nearly gasped in response.

Knowing that if I didn't start then I would never actually do it,I brought both of my hands to the tattered remains of her blouse and ripped it down the center, sending the remaining few buttons flying around the empty cellar floor. Doing such revealed a pale peach bra which cupped her petite breasts. The shock having worn off, Hermione Granger screamed. It was a heart wrenching sound that pierced the dead silence around us.

It startled me enough that my hands froze, but only for a quarter of a second before one swung down of its own accord and backhanded her hard across the cheek. I do not remember thinking to do so, some how the fog inside my mind controlled my movements as well as covering my thoughts. A loud sob came from her as she tried to struggle against my weight and her confines.

As I watched her squirming between my legs, still stunned by the self propelled action of my arm, her small form was trying in vain to break away from me inadvertently rubbing against my crotch. This combined with the vision of the newly revealed flesh of her abs and breasts caused my body to react. 'Oh god….no…' I thought trying to force my growing erection down, 'this is sick. How can this be turning me on?' I asked myself, even now I do not know how it pleased me to see her so torturned with fear. I felt bile rising in the back of my throat and I nearly vomited.

"Prove your loyalty." Came a cold snakelike whisper in my ear and I shuddered closing my eyes against the sound, wishing this would all just vanish and I would be at home in my bed. As I reopened my eyes a moment later I saw her between my legs watching me with the same hating gaze mixed with obvious fear. I let the small tip of my tongue smooth over my lips, thinking, calming my self knowing that there was no way out of this.

"I hope Harry kills you, along with your master." She spat between clinched teeth at me. I nearly laughed at her. Harry, oh Harry I wish you would find me and kill me for what I have done to your friend. But I didn't laugh, instead I lowered my torso so that my face was right along side hers and I whispered into her ear, though she had tried to turn her face from me. My hands moving up her naked sides and up under her thin bra to firmly grip both sensitive breasts in my hands, squeezing with vicious intensity causing her to scream in pain, her back arching.

"He will still be too late to save you. I guess the boy wonders friends take second place when it comes to who is protected, and who….is not." I said coldly in an unconcerned voice as my hands kneaded her soft breasts. The soft skin beneath my hands was so warm and pleasing that I once again felt my body reacting, though my mind screamed with indignity. Her only reply was a soft pained sob.

Leaning back up, my hands remaining fixed to her, I saw my full erection straining hard against my black dress pants and I looked down at her body. Seeing that she was in a pair of blue jeans I stood from her, giving her a moments relief from my torturing hands, and began undressing myself. I flushed a bit at the knowledge that my father and new master would see my full naked body.

On the floor Hermione curled into a ball as best she could as I tossed my cloak and robes aside. I quickly unbuttoned my dress shirt, all the while keeping an eye on my prey. Toned muscles from Quidditch flexed beneath pasty white skin as I shrugged my shirt off. My hands went to my belt buckle and I realized they were shaking.

Though I am well experienced when it came to sex, this was something entirely different. This was something that neither of us wanted, and something that I was forcing on to her brutally. I moved beside her again and she tried to get away from me, a scream tearing from her mouth as I forcefully dragged her across the dirt floor and back to me.

"Don't make this anymore fun." I said in as bored a tone as I could come up with as tried to kick me. I grabbed both her shoulders and slammed her hard into the floor, crushing her hands again and I was sure one or two fingers broke this time. Tears streamed from her eyes and I could do nothing but smirk though my very heart seemed to stop at the sound. I pinned her beneath me again, my hand moving to unbutton her jeans, unzip them, and then I had to use both hands to push them down. This time when I moved his body off of her she didn't try to get away, she didn't really move at all as if having accepted her fate.

After what seemed like forever I finally managed to get her jeans down past ankles, she wore a pale pink pair of panties that matched her bra and I tried not to watch my hands as they pushed them down to join the jeans. I couldn't stop my eyes as they looked her entire form over with wary yet hungry eyes, her small patch of hair on her crotch enticed me and I felt a smirk widen over my features, and my stomach lurch with nausea.

"Why, Granger, you're actually pretty hot…" I said in a mocking tone She spit in my face and I laughed coldly cleaning it off with a casual hand as I pushed my own pants and boxers off and to the floor. Suddenly she was silent her eyes wide and frozen on my erection. My normal reaction would have been to smile at her gaze but this was one of fear, not of excitement that I was use to seeing in my lovers eyes.

"What? Never seen such a big one? I'm not surprised with weasel and potty as your only bed choices." I said as I forced her legs to separate and then settled between them. "Or….then again. Maybe you've just never seen one. Are you a virgin?" I asked coolly one hand moving up between her legs, her back arched as she tried to get away from my inquiring fingers. My other hand was once again quick to react and I gripped her shoulder hard my finally manicured nails tearing through her flesh and she cried out a bit, grimacing.

Without even realizing it my eyes met her tear filled ones again and the pleading fear inside her brown orbs made my heart near tear with the force of the realization. 'Oh gods….she is…' I thought, now seeing how it made since, 'Take her innocence…' I thought repeating the words of the dark lord inside my head as I stared into the eyes that begged me not to do this.

But I was Far past the point of no return, and I continued my bitter test and wrapped my hand around my manhood. Looking up and around the room, as if giving anyone a chance to intervene if they were planning on doing so. When nothing happened in that case I slowly guided myself to her unprepared sex. She whimpered and sobbed and I tried my best to ignore her as I drove my erection into her, stealing away her virginity with one hard deep thrust. Her screams of utter pain echoed around the cellar, and I knew then that Hermione Granger would never be the same.

Where they have taken her or what they plan on doing with her I do not know. Father I hope you are pleased, he seemed to be. After all I did as I was told to do, though my thoughts may have revealed too much to the Dark Lord. What wicked things have you involced your son in father? Am I nothing but a means to success? Is this my destiny to be a Death Eater? Merlin, what have I done?

Harry, oh Harry. You are the very last hope for this world, and I wonder if you know it.


	2. Diary of Harry Potter

Diary of Harry Potter

* * *

Oh Merlin No! Why her? Why her? Why not me? Why do they attack the ones I care the most about instead of me? Why? Is there nothing I can do to keep them safe?

As I walked into the small kitchen in No. 12 Grimmuald place this morning there he stood, the headmaster himself, looking as grim as is the normal for these past weeks, but there was something about the way he wasn't looking at me that gave me the intense sensation of foreboding. Something was wrong. Someone was hurt.

Having been taught by the Professor how to read magical Aura, or the invisible magical field that surrounded a person which was revealed to the reader in a wide spectrum of colors, I knew something was very wrong. A wizard in a calm collected state of mind normally had a sea blue hue, if he or she was troubled it changed to a yellow or tan, if angry it altered to a red, and so on. At the moment the entire room pulsed a bright shade of gold.

With out even looking around at the other faces in the room, as I was locked on to the face of my mentor, trying to read his very thoughts to give me some clue that he was not sharing about the situation. But his shields were better than my mental strength and I was unable to do so. "What happened?" I asked in as normal a voice as I could fathom, sounding for all the world the adult that the Order of the Pheniox had transformed me into in less than a year.

The old headmaster stood from the table, looking at me with his usual glinting sad eyes, "There is no easy way of saying this, Harry" he began, everyone seated at the table turning their heads down as if unable to watch my reaction, "Hermione has gone missing."

Suddenly everything seemed to go blank, like the world was still moving but I had stopped. My vision was blurred as the words sank in, not hearing the continued explination from the other members of the order. I could feel Dumbledores eyes on me as I began to feel dizy.

I can still see her, In my mind, that first day on the train.

"Holy-cricket! You're Harry Potter! I'm Hermione Granger." The chipper girl with honey curls said while sitting across from me on the Hogwarts Express.

Sadness flooded me , but soon anger took it's place. An anger that I had never known I could possibably feel heated me and filled me, reaching out from my very core to the people around me, all encompassing hate for the person that would hurt her. My own aura changing to a brilliant red that I had never seen before. The room began to spin and I closed my eye and clinched my fists against the dizy spell. I could sense all of the power of my being surging forth with my anger just waiting to be released and I nearly freed it.

Just then I felt as though I were falling, all power draining from my body, my aura fading to a cool blue. I became aware of a hand on my shoulder and when I opened my eyes I was startled to see that I was on my knees with Dumbledore standing beside me with a highly concerned expression.

I had nearly lost control, he would later tell me. That my magic took over because of my anger. This is not a new discovery, while training with Dumbledore I quickly learned how short a temper I possess, but this is the worst and closest I have ever gotten to totally losing contol.

I listened to the Order attempt to explain to me what had happened and how I couldn't go in search for her because it would be what Voldemort wanted, as Mr. Weasley attempted to shove cup after cup of tea into my hand. I felt in a daze still, as if it couldn't possibly be real. Just the year before Hermione had accompanied me and several other students to the Ministry of Magic, trusting my judement, and nearly getting them all killed. Hermione had spent more time the in Hospital than any of them. Oh how I wished it would have been me.

My entire life everyone that I love or care about has either been hurt or killed because of my destiny. First my parents, then Sirius, and now Hermione. I try to protect them but nothing I can do is enough. I refused to let Hermione and Ron know about the Prophecy knowing that they would only want to help me as they did last year and put themselves at a greater risk. No matter how hard I try or what I do I can't keep them safe.

Dumbledore you had better find her before they kill her, or nothing you can do will be able to keep me away from Voldemort.

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter

She's alive! Thank Merlin, she's alive! The order members had been searching for her for over two days straight and hadn't come any closer to finding her. Then, no more than an hour ago, Mr. Weasley came running into the wizard-packed kitchen of Grimmuald Place, his face red from the chill outside and gasping for breath. "We've. -Gasp- found -gasp- her!" he finally managed to get out and as Tonks and Mrs. Weasley moved to get him into a chair and a cup ofsteaming tea into his gloved hands.

Everyone in the room was silent, waiting for him to continue with an explanation. I stood in the corner, hands gripping together longing to grab him and force him to hurriedly tell me where she was and what happened.

After what seemed like an eternity he began to speak, "We found her...at her parents house...the bastards left her in their front yard! Dumbledore took her to St. Mungo's about fifteen minute-" he broke off for I had suddenly stood from my place at the wall and began moving to the door of the small room.

"Harry, wait!" Mr. Weasley said quickly, standing despite his wife's cry of dismay and holding a hand up. "You can't - Dumbledore told me to tell you to stay here. Going there right now is-"

"First I couldn't even go and helpfind her. Now I can't even see her in the hospital. She is hurt because of me!" I cut him off, speaking through clinched teeth in an attempt to keep my temper in check not caring that every set of eyes in the room were on me. "She is my friend!"

"Harry, please!" he said, "Going there is exactly-"

"What they want me to do." I finished for him, "So they are attacking my friends to try and get me to leave. I haven't been out of this god-forsaken place in over a month!"

"You are not the only one who has had to sacrifice." He said, I could hear anger rising in his voice. And I had long since lost the small hold over my temper

"I never wanted any of this to happen, I never asked any one to sacrifice anything for me!"

"But they have, and they did, and they continue to do so. Willingly, totally aware of the risks. And all of their sacrifices would have been in vain if you leave and fall into another trap!" at this he slammed his fist into the table.

I opened my mouth to reply but the words stuck in my throat as his last words seemed to reach my ears. 'Another trap.' Like a movie waiting to start I saw the face of Sirius frozen in surprise and falling backwards through the veil in my mind. I closed my eyes in an attempt to force the image from my mind. I stayed that way for a long moment and when I finally reopened my eyes everyone was still looking at me but now with a concerned expression written in each face. Even Mr. Weasley had calmed and was watching me in concern.

I took a step back from him, "You're right." I said very softly.

The room seemed to come to life asif they had all been holding their breaths. Aurors began moving around the room grabbing cloaks and their things so they could leave to the hospital or other destinations.

I sat there, dumb and numb. I wanted to scream, to cry, and to do anything but sit there. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked unto the face of Mrs. Weasley, how kind her eyes were made me calm down a good bit. "Dear, we are going to go and see her and then we will be back to tell you how she is." she said in a sweet caring tone, "Is there anything I can get you?" I shook my head in the negative.

So here I sit alone in this house of m Godfathers family, the great savior of the Wizarding World, writing in a diary.

* * *

It's late now, nearly three am. I waited all night for the Weasleys to return to the house. When finallythey did less than twenty minutes ago they both looked tired, worn ragged and utterly depressed. Mrs. Weasley had the very distinct puffy eyes and face of someone who had been crying for a very long time. As I can down the stairs I froze at the sight of them. 'She's dead.' I thought right then stopping mid step. "Is she?" I could' even say it.

"No, no Harry she is doing fine." Mr. Weasley said, helping his wife with his cloak. I felt as though a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders and I sank to sit on the step below me.

"Oh, Harry, come into the kitchen...we have something to tell you." Mrs. Weasley said in a heart broken voice, moving o put an arm around me and guide me to the room. There they told me what the death eaters did to her. She had no memory of who it was, but the med-wizards , after examining her, were able to tell what exactly happened.

Hermione, I'm so sorry. I would have never dreamed someone would hurt another person that way. If I ever find out who was responsible I swear to you I will kill them. One day Voldemort will pay.


	3. Journal of Ronald Weasley

Journal of Ronald Weasley

I went to St. Mungo's to see Hermione today, finally. After mom and dad both said that it wasn't safe for me to go out for two days straight! They treat me like I am such a little kid, when I am now taller than both of them! Anyway, they found Hermione two days ago and I went with Mom, dad, Fred and George to go and visit her. They said that she hadn't woken up yet, that something in her mind was keeping her from waking up.

Anyway, when I saw her I was totally shocked! She had been beaten up pretty badly by someone. She had a scratch across her cheek that must have been a lot worse the day before, bandages on a few of her fingers must have meant that one or two had been broken. She seemed so small and frail in the bed, like a child. Her face was pale as the sheets around her. And I felt as though my heart were breaking. It was really no secret how I felt about her and seeing her like that made me feel like I was dying inside.

We all stood there for a long time just watching her. It was me who finally broke the silence and said something. I moved to the side of her bed and picked up her hand that wasn't covered in bandages, not seeing then that I was in fact crying.

"Hermione?" it was all I said.

Not a second later her eyes opened and she sat up straight in the small hospital bed and screamed an ear splitting scream. There was a look of pure terror written over her face. I backed away almost instantly, crying out in alarm. Finally a nurse came in and said a word and she was asleep again.

Then I turned to my Dad and demanded to know exactly what happened to her and what they weren't telling me. I knew by the way my mom turned away from me that I had struck home, they were hiding something.

Later, standing outside of Hermione's room they told me how she had been kidnapped, beaten and raped by unknown death eaters. They would not tell me why they had picked her out of all the muggle - borns in the school, but some how, in the pit of my stomach I knew it had something to do with Harry.

All my life I have been hearing about him, Harry Potter, the hero who destroyed he-who-must-not-be-named when he was only a baby. The one that everyone is so in love with. Well, where was he when Hermione was getting raped? Where was he today at the hospital even?

Damn you Dumbledore, and Harry, this is both your fault.

Journal of Ronald Weasley

Hermione went home today, I was there with her when she woke and left the hospital. Her mom and dad were there though they both looked more stressed and upset than I have ever seen them before, and with good reason.

Hermione didn't talk much on the way to the burrow, where my parents had insisted they all stay for a few days until things quieted down. I took her too my room where she was going to be sleeping and there she finally sat and looked as though she wanted to talk. I moved over to her after placing her things down on my trunk careful not to touch her in anyway, which is what the witches at St. Mungos had told us all to do.

"'mione?" I called to her cautiously trying to look into her eyes.

"I….remember…everything." she said, her voice was horse and cracked a bit but when I asked if she needed something to drink she shook her head no.

"I can remember…when they took me…when they beat me…when _he _was …." She cut off and a soft sob came from her quivering lips, "I can remember every detail…except their faces!" she cried out looking up at me , our eyes meeting for the first time since she had been found. The deep brown shade of her eyes that once held such warmth and I had come to love now seemed slightly hallow and empty as if the light inside her had been extinguished.

Tears streamed freely down her cheeks and without warning she flung her arms around my neck and sobbed into my shoulder without restraint. "Oh, Ron! Please don't let them take me again!" she begged in a very desperate voice clinging to me as though I would vanish at any moment.

"I..I won't ever let them…" I promised after a moment, I tried to conceal the anger at who ever had done this two her but I guess she sensed it for she pulled back and stared into my face. "You…won't go trying to find them...will you?" she asked in an unsure tone, concern taking over her features. "Me? Find them? If it means leaving you behind, never." I swore, creating a small smile from her lips as she hugged me again.

We were like that for a long time before I heard her voice again.

"Ron? Where's Harry?"

When I didn't answer she pulled back, hands falling into her lap and watching me carefully.

"I…I don't know…" I answered honestly. "They won't tell me anything." I gestured my head towards the door, meaning my parents.

"Did he come to the hospital?" she asked in such a quite voice I nearly didn't hear her.

"No…no he didn't." I couldn't look at her, that hopeful tone in her voice nearly caused me to break into tears. For a fleeting moment I dreaded that she might have loved him as she began to sob quietly.

"I…hate him…." She said in-between sobs. "All of this…everything …has been for him. And he couldn't even…save me…he couldn't even be there for me. I…I thought we were his friends." Her voice shook with her words and I blinked in surprise at her as she cried.

Slowly I moved to my knees before her and took her hands in mine, looking up into her face.

"Hermione…I…" I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to tell her that I felt the same way; betrayed by our friend. "I..I love you…."

I didn't mean to say it; it just kind of slipped out. And I winced at myself looking away from her then, hoping she wasn't going to get mad or start crying because of me. But as I continued to not look at her I realized that her tears had stopped and when I finally got enough will power to look up at her I saw her watching me.

"Say it again…." She whispered.

I blinked, my eyes meeting hers and a hope filled smile spreading over my face, "I love you, Hermione." I squeezed her hand a bit and she looked down at our entwined fingers.

"Thank you." She said, a small final tear rolling down her cheek.

I don't know if she loves me or not, but at least she knows how I feel, and I know how she feels about Potter. I refuse to call him by his first name, first name are for friends. And friends don't leave their friend to die.


	4. Diary of Draco Malfoy 2

Lord what a day! I'm in my dorm after what seems to have been the longest day of my life. It started off bad in fact, with father yelling at mother about me not being totally ready to head to the train, which wasn't her fault at all but my own. Right as I was about to leave with her to Kings cross Station father pulled me aside, out of earshot of my waiting mother. Placing both of his hands on my shoulders he stared into my eyes, so like his own and spoke to me very seriously.

"Draco...I am very proud of you for passing your test in front of our Lord." he paused to let his words sink it. It was a very rare occasion when he admitted he was proud of me. "Now is the time for your first task. Are you ready to serve your lord, the lord of your father, Draco" he asked in a stern voice sending a shiver down my spine.

"Yes father." I replied instantly.

"Good. You must observe Harry Potter, as much as you can. Find out everything about what he is doing, where he is going, and who he is talking too. Owl me every day with updates, don't be too forward in your wording in the case the owl is intercepted. "He paused with a nod.

"You will be given further instructions while you are there. No go. And honor the Malfoy name." He said removing his hands from my shoulder and used his head to signal me to leave.

I joined my mother at the door and left with her. My mind wondered over my new task. Honestly I had been dreading what he was going to tell me, but just having to spy on Potter and tell my father what I observed didn't seem bad at all.

Though it scared me to think what plans the 'Dark Lord' had for the boy wonder, I decided it best not to question my father or the Lords wishes. After bidding my mother farewell on platform 9 3/4 I joined my school mates on the Hogwarts express, searching for Crabbe and Goyle. Though the two had been my protectors and friends for nearly 6 years I had almost immediately grown tired of their slow minds and heavy eating almost to the point of disgusting, but I tolerated their presence by my side for lack of anyone else dumb enough to partner up with a Malfoy. Though no one in the house would dare insult me, or not follow my instructions, having followers and having friends are two entirely different things.

As I started walking through the train, pulling my trunk along, almost instantly the familiar high pitched calling of my name reached my ears and feminine arms were thrown around my neck as Pansy spotted me. With an internal sigh I listened to her complaints about me not writing her much over the summer and how glad she was to see me whispering into my ear that she couldn't wait to get me back to her room later that night. Oh how I hate her! She acts as though she is so in love with me and hangs all over me so much that it makes me sick to my stomach at times. Having been told when we were both ten that we were arranged to be married by our parents we started having sex the moment our bodies seemed ready and though the sex was good, I hated the idea of my life being so planned out that I wouldn't even have the choice of who I would marry. But knowing who her parents were and how anything I did or said would go right back to them and then to my father, I kept my true feelings locked inside.

After joining Crabbe and Goyle in the compartment they had held reserved for us and putting my things away I threw them out of it so I could change into my Slytherin robes. As I finished I allowed them back in, just as the train started moving. One of the thickheads suggested a walk around the train, which has become almost a tradition for us. 'Find Potter and mess with him' was the goal and we left the compartment and began our search.

It wasn't long before I spotted him sitting surprisingly alone in a compartment not far from ours. I was slightly taken back by the sight of him. In only three months he had grown a good foot, his hair was longer and hung messily around his face framing his sharpened features, and he seemed to be slightly more muscular and tan. He was staring out the window and didn't even appear to have noticed when the three of us walked into his compartment. I could see those strange jade colored eyes behind his glasses seeming far away and extremely sad.

It wasn't until Crabbe poked me that I realized I had been staring at him. "Well, well…Weasel and the Brain have finally come to their senses and deserted you, eh, Potter?" I said in a voice as cold as steel and a sneer to match. I expected him to turn, angry, with some sort of retort, but he didn't. He didn't even seem to hear me as he just sat there staring as the goons behind me chuckled at my comment. "Oy! Potter? What have you gone deaf? Or is your brain just that thick?" I took a step to him and poked his arm. Suddenly my face was being pressed against the wall of the compartment; his hand was gripping my wrist so hard I feared it would break, and his wand was pointed directly at my face with its tip stabbing into my cheek.

I still don't know how he moved so quickly or how he had gotten his wand from his pocket with out me seeing. Crabbe and Goyle were so dumbfounded they were still staring at the place where he had been sitting at the window. "Leave me alone, Malfoy." Harry said between clinched teeth and then with another fast movement had thrown me from the wall and directly into the two other Slytherins , knocking all three of us into the corridor.

Pushing my way out of the pile I fixed my robes and pointed directly at Potter who had gone back to stare out the window as if nothing had even happened. "You'll pay for that, Potter. Don't even think for one moment that you can get away from the wrath of a Malfoy!" I said as I stormed off back to my own compartment. I was so aggravated that I didn't even speak to Pansy until we reached Hogsmead.

As the four of us climbed into the carriage I noticed that Harry rode with a group of second years who seemed terrified of him. 'Why isn't he sitting with his friends?' In the back of my mind I wondered if Hermione would even be at school or if what had happened had anything to do with why they weren't around him.

Later that night while at the welcoming feast I noticed that Harry was not there, but that Hermione and Weasley were. I had to force myself not to watch them for too long, but I wondered if Hermione remembered anything that had happened. When she didn't even seem to glance at me once I figured she did not, though Weasley who sat beside her glared at the entire Slytherin table through the course of the meal.

After dinner I tried searching for Harry, knowing that I needed to keep tabs on him as soon as possible so I could write a report to father, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Deciding that I would just write what I had seen so far I went to my dorm. Being a prefect , and the heir of Malfoy, came with certain perks such as being allowed my own private bed chamber, which is covenant considering Pansy is already knocking on my door.


	5. Diary of Harry Potter 2

Diary of Harry Potter

The train is moving, and here I sit alone. Perhaps it is better this way, this way no one else will get hurt. Perhaps I am meant to be alone , not just when I am to full fill my destiny but for my entire life. Already so many people have been killed because of me, who would blame them for not wanting to be around me?

As I arrived at Kings Cross, with half of the Order as my body guards, and I made my way to Platform 9 3/4 I imeditally began my search for Ron or Hermione, ignoring the indignant cries of Hedwig as I moved quickly through the crowds. It wasn't until the train was about to leave that i spotted a flash of red hair boarding the last car of the train.

"Ron" I called, running to them, dodging rows of waving parents"Ron" Then I saw the black cloaked figure beside him and froze as Hermione turned her bruised pale face with sad brown eyes to look back at me. Then the anger in her features as she spotted me drove into my heart like a bullet causing me to gasp slightly.. She turned back to Ron, who with a similar glare in my direction, helped her onto the train.

Dropping all of my things I ran, fast as I could to them. "Ron! Wait" I yelled , the trains whistle screamed as he turned and pushed me away from himself and Hermione, who stood behind him. "Back off , Potter." he said in a hate filled tone, pulling out his wand and pointing it directly at my chest. Too stunned to move i just staid there, staring at them both as they disappeared onto the train and into a compartment.

Perhaps I am a fool to not have considered the fact that they might be angry with me, or even blame me for what happened to Hermione. Of course they did, because it is my fault. If they hadn't been friends of mind none of this would have happened to them. Destiny, heh, seems funny now that the boy-who-lived in turn lost anyone that was ever close to him because of his destiny.

I sit alone on the train, apparently word has gotten out that I am not someone to be friends with or risk a 'fate worse than death', writing this. The words of the prophecy repeating over and over in my mind as a horrific reminder of what I have to look forward to.

I bet Draco Malfoy is having the best day of his life if the gossip has gotten out that the "Golden Trio" has broken up and that I am totally alone.

(Later)

As the train arrived at Hogsmead station I was the last to exit, I didn't want to see Ron or Hermione again, and I am pretty sure they didn't want to see me either. I sat alone in a carriage as well and when I arrived at the castle was totally avoided or ignored by everyone there, it was like I didn't even exist. Before I followed the chattering group of students into the Great Hall , a solem looking Professor Mogonogal pulled me aside, telling me that Dumbledore would like a word with me.

Silently I nodded and followed her, not caring that everyone still in the entrance hall was watching as I left. I felt dazed, confused, as though it were all just a dream. We reached the stone gargoyle that guarded the headmasters office , Mcgonogal spoke the password that I didn't catch then stood back to let me up the stairs. I knocked the entered at the call of the old wizards voice. He stood there behind his desk, a calm fawlks sitting on his perch beside him. "Ah, welcome , Harry, welcome" He called in a soft but slightly happy tone, in my mind I wondered what he was so happy about until he walked around and stood before me.

I remember when I had to look up at him as a younger student but now our eyes were on the same level and I stared into his mysterious blues with a questioning expression. "Ron and Hermione" I started but he held up his hand. "Yes, yes Harry I know. They are quite upset over what happened to Hermione over the summer. But I think given some time" It was my turn to cut him off"Time? You think time will ever replace what they have taken from her? Will time fix the fact that I couldn't protect or save her? Let alone visit her in the hospital!

I was so angry with him for letting her get hurt, for letting my parents and Sirius die, for letting this Prophecy detail my life. I could feel my temper rising with my frustrated anger, my fists balling up at my side. "Harry...please..."my mentor said, looking very sad and tired suddenly. At that I turned and stormed out of his office, knowing that at another minute I would have openly attacked the old man. I did not return to the Great Hall but to my Dorm where I found that all of my things had been placed by my bed, but that Ron's things were not at the bed beside mine. I guess he requested to be moved away from me. I changed and then lay in bed, the others are comming in now, but no one seems to even care if I am here or not. I feel as tough I am losing my mind and have no one to help me find it.

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter

I am living in my own personal hell with no means of escape.When I woke this morning I found all of my room mates already getting ready for the school day. Dazed for a moment I wondered why no one was looking at me but it all came crashing back as they all dressed as quickly as possible. I collected my things for a quick shower but jumped in surprise as someone said, "Hey, Harry." It was Neville who stood a safe two feet away and would not meet my gaze.

"Hey ." I said in return and he stood there for a long time not saying anything. "Ron...told us that Hermione got kidnapped over the summer because of you. " he said boldly, looking up into myface, "Is it true?" he asked with such disbelief that I felt heartened but I cringed at the knowledge that Ron had told eveyone it was my fault.

My mind reeled, no one has any clue about the prophecy but some how Ron or Hermione figured out that it all has something to do with me. I realized right then how right they were to stay away from me, and how selfish it would be of me to keep anyone else by my side to suffer the same fate as my parents.

"Yes...it was because of me." I admitted in a soft voice. He stood there too stunned to speak, finally I moved around him to the shower. Having no appetite I showered through breakfast, praying that I would not see Ron or Hermione while in class.

I was not so lucky though as I saw them in myvery first lesson, to make matters worse it was potions. Snape must have been in the worst mood I have ever seen him in for his told us of our new partners for the year between clinched teeth. Unfortunatly when he called that Ron and I would be partnered together Ron stood quickly from his desk.

"I refuse to be partenered with _him_." He said loudly, gaining the attention of everyone in the class, Slytherins included, but I lowered my head in shame not meeting anyones questioning stares.

"Sit down, Mr. Weasley! Ten points from Gryffindor.!" Snape yelled at him, I could feel heat rushing to my face as more stared at me.

"You can give me detention for the rest of the school year if you want, but I would rather be expelled than have to be partenered with Potter."

Snaped looked from Ron to me, I didn't see him but I could feel his eyes on me.

"Fine, Mr. Weasley you pair up with Mr. Goyle. Mr.Malfoy you'reto be with Mr. Potter." I winced, knowing that Ron would be quite put out over having been paired with one of the thickest people at Hogwarts and that Malfoy would see to it that my potions class was a living hell for the entire year. But neither boy said a word against it and Snape went on reading the pairings as Goyle moved to sit by his new partner. I had taken a seat in the back away from everyone but now moved to sit beside Malfoy who didn't even look at me but appeared whiter than usual. Perhaps our encounter on the train had him slightly aprehensive of me.

The remander of the class went by without a single negative comment, or comment at all, out of Malfoy. I watched him for a bit noticing that he had gotten taller, just as I had, thathis hair was longer and his body a bit more muscular. For a moment I could see why he was one of the school girls biggest heart throbs.

He caught me watching him then, and his startling silver eyes met mine and for a fraction of a second I thought I could see some sort of sympathyor understanding behind them, but with a blink it was gone as was the contact as he looked away.

Thankfully I did not have another class with my two ex-best friends for the rest of the day, yet having not eaten for the better part of two days I forced myself to attend dinner tonight. I sat alone at the end of the table, everyone in Gryffindor, even the first years avoiding me like the plague. From the table on the far side of the hall I heard the snickering and whispers of Drac Malfoyand his friends, but I didn't care. If I would have reacted to it they would have old been more amused, so I ate in silence.


	6. Diary of Harry Potter 3

Though I have never been fond of self-pity lately I seem to be drowning in it and it's only the third week of school! Hermione and Ron refuse to speak with me, any time I try either someone from Gryffindor keeps me from them both or Ron begins yelling at me and pointing his wand into my face. Sometimes I even wonder if he would know enough spells to even give me a good duel. Hermione just sits there, looking far away, she speaks to hardly anyone and never raises her hand in class.

I can't eat, or sleep. I'm becoming so thin and tired that I feel like the invisible man everyone pretends that I am. My life is so lonely, I spend hours talking to Hedwig my only friend. The meals I do attend I am stared at by the Slytherins or totally ignored. I've actually started to like their whispered comments, it makes me feel as though I am still alive.

The same is true in potions, no one speaks to me, and when Snape takes off points or gives me detention I feel elated. Perhaps it's the only thing that I have that still feels normal. And Draco isn't that bad of a partner, he knows his potions, that's for sure. But what gets me is the fact that ever since we've been partnered together not one snide comment has come from him, to be honest he doesn't talk much at all except to tell me to hand him things and then he doesn't say it rudely but also doesn't add a 'please' or 'thank you' which I don't mind.

I've dropped a lot of lessons; Transfiguration, Charms, History of Magic, and Herbology though professor Dumbledore thinks I should still take it a few times. Now all of my hours are spent in private lessons with either the headmaster or someone from the Order who thinks they have something new they can teach me. Though Dumbledore has already said he is running out of things since I am learning so quickly having already taught me Occlumency to the best of his ability.

Though honestly what else can I do with my time besides study and master the things he shows me? I have to get stronger, learn everything I can possibly learn so that when the time comes I can defeat Voldemort. I have to defeat him, or else..who will?

Diary of Harry Potter

I'm as good as dead! How they found it I will probably never know, but they did. And now everyone including the death eaters know the truth. Though according to dumbledore they probably already had a good idea.

This morning, while I sat alone not eating the porridge before me Professor Snape ran into the great hall, black robes billowing out behind him in the normal fashion. I wasn't really paying much attention but he ran directly at me, lifted me from my seat by the arm and basically pulled me from the room. Not wanting to make a scene I said nothing, I had learned over the years that to try and fight with Snape in public only ended up badly.

"What is it?" I asked him as he released my arm but began walking as quickly as possible to the Headmasters office. By the unreadable expression on his face I got nothing but with a quick flick of occlumency I could tell that something was wrong and it had to do with Voldemort , which was all I learned before he forced me out of his mind.

"Knock it off Potter!" he said between gritted teeth as he led me to the gargoyle that guarded the stairs and then spoke the password. I followed him up the stairs , just from out side the door of the office I could feel the anger and fear that pulsed in the room beyond.

As I entered I was overwhelmed by the powerful auras of everyone in the room, which included Tonks, Moony, Lupin, Dumbledore of course and then Snape and myself. Everyone turned to look at me with pitiful glances, Tonks actually turned away as if unable to look at me. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the worst.

"Who is hurt now?" I asked, before anyone else could start talking and sat in the chair everyone seemed to be avoiding.

"Harry.." Lupin said taking a step to me, he looked very tired and old right then and I wondered if a full moon was approaching. He didn't continue talking but instead handed me a copy of the Daily Prophet. On the front page in large bold letters were the words,

"**PROPHECY of HARRY POTTER and HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED REVEALED, CAN HE SAVE US ALL?"**

I had to read it twice to make sure I read it correctly, and looked up at all of them for a moment before continuing to read the article.

""The One With The Power To Vanquish the Dark Lord Approaches...

Born To Those Who Have Thrice Defied Him,  
Born As the Seventh Month Dies...

And The Dark Lord Will Mark Him As His Equal,  
But He Will Have Power The Dark Lord Knows Not...

And Either Must Die At The Hand Of The Other,  
For Neither Can Live While The Other Survives...

The One With The Power To Vanquish The Dark Lord Will Be Born As The Seventh Month Dies..."

These are the words of the Prophecy told by and unknown seer just before the birth of the-boy-who-lived which reveals the true meaning behind his survival and his destiny with he-who-must-not-be-named.

According to or source, who would prefer to remain anonymous, this prophecy's meaning is that Harry Potter and you-know-who are equal in power , besides some power that he-who-must-not-be-named is unaware of. The line, 'Neither can live while the other survives' is pretty easy to understand, either young Harry kills him or he kills Harry. And no one else can kill him.

Obviously this prophecy has been held from the public view by either the Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry or by the ministry of magic but we here at the Daily Prophet know that everyone deserves to know who's hands their fate rests in.

Has Harry Potter received ample enough training to secure his and all of our futures? Why was the wizarding world kept in the dark? And who knows the answers. This reporter plans on further inveastigation.

"Who wrote this?" I exclaimed standing and tossing the paper onto the desk infront of me. I could feel hot anger surging through me with reckless abandon and I didn't care. "Are they such fools? Now _they_ will know! How did they find out? Who told them? Who knew about!" shouted not caring that everyone in the room seemed suddenly afraid of me.

"Harry.." Dumbledore said in his sad tone of voice, who I hadn't noticed had been standing beside Fawlks petting his red feathers but now moved to stand beside me. "We do not know who told them." I could feel his anger, fear and outrage though his face revealed nothing and I admit this calmed me a bit to know that this was not a part of his plan. "But we do know that it was not someone at the Prophet…or in the Order.."

"How can you know it wasn't someone in the Order, they were the only ones who knew about it!" I said, not looking at anyone in the room with the knowledge that one of them might have betrayed me.

"Because Harry we used a spell to hold everyone's tongue, even if they wanted to tell someone about anything that happened in the Order, they would be unable to do so."

I took a very deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart and overwhelming anger.

"What am I going to do?" I said in a soft voice lowering my self back into the chair and resting my head on my hand.

All at once everyone began talking, as though assured that I was done yelling and wasn't going to lose control over my abilities. They spoke of new securities for me, people following me around to my classes, dorms, having a body guard everywhere.

"No…" I said suddenly, startling everyone with my voice, I had apparently been sitting there thinking for a while. "I don't need it…"

"But Harry-" Lupin began.

"No…I have more power and abilities than any of you. And I am not just saying that because I am vain, it's the truth. None of you can keep me any safer than I can keep myself. In any case, what would it look like if I needed someone to guard me. The Slytherins are most likely going to report anything going on with me to their families."

At this I heard Professor Snap snort a bit but I ignored him.

"Harry," Dumbledore started, everyone turned and looked at him including me, "I am sorry, but we will be working on figuring out who told the Prophet, but as long as you are here you should be safe. Please, keep your eyes open, Hogwarts is very safe but it is not foolproof."

"Yes sir." I said standing and turning to leave before anyone could stop me, I think a few people tried to call me back into the room but I ignored them. There is nothing they can do for me now. Now I am in the Owlry writing this.

I know that by this afternoon the entire school will know about the prophecy , I am honestly surprised I haven't been attacked by one of the Slytherins yet, but I know it is only a matter of time. My only plan is to not let them see how much I have truly learned, and even perhaps fail in duel with one or two so then Voldemort will think I am still weak and that perhaps the entire prophecy was a lie.

But I can only hope that in time everyone will understand that this was not what I -someone is coming!


	7. Diary of Draco Malfoy 3

I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who wrote me a review. Thank you for your very kind words , I will try to get the chapters out as fast as possible. I do hope you continue to read and hopefully enjoy the rest.

Thanks Again, retirwmotnahp.

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Diary of Draco Malfoy

Have I become so like my father that none can see past my name and face to know who I truly am? Even my own friends in my house are only my friends because they fear me or are in awe of my families wealth. Can't they see that I would give it all up just to be a normal , happy student with no history of evil or darkness in my blood.

Perhaps I should run away, heh, even the idea makes me laugh, I know father would find me and kill me for my betrayal. No, I remain here in my personal hell, spying on an enemy that is not my own.

I write to father once a week telling what Potter is up to and who he talks to, or I should say who he doesn't talk to. For the past three weeks all I have written is "No change" after my first three letters all detailed the same activity. He barley eats, no one talks to him, and Weasle and the mud-blood are no longer friends with him.

I gather that this was the Dark Lords intention by having me rape the young Gryffindor girl , so that she would hate him and thus destroy Potters self esteem. It seems to have worked , he seems to be slowly fading away.

I still can't see why the other Slytherins joke about him and make rude comments behind his back, yes I do it as well but not near as heart felt as in my younger years. I use to hate him because he was perfect, everyone's little pet who could do anything. But there was another reason too, I wanted to be his friend, I wanted to get to know him for who he really was, but he turned me away and chose Weasley and Granger over me, sometimes that still stings my ego.

But now, I see him everyday, slowly withering away. I sit beside him in Potions now and I can sense something so very pathetically depressed within is green eyes that I feel sorry for him, and a new emotion that disturbs and frightens me a bit. I feel like I want to help him, or perhaps I just want him to help me.

I know that if I ever decided to risk leaving father and the death eaters that Harry would be the only one who could help me, and keep me safe. How I know this I don't know, but the hate between us would never allow him to help someone like me.

(later)

What to do now? I know father has gotten a copy of the Prophet today, Merlin this means that Harry really is our only hope! (For some reason I have caught myself calling him Harry instead of Potter, I do not know why.) The Dark Lord must be thrilled beyond belief that the Prophet was thick enough to reveal something this important.

I wonder how long Harry has known, since he was a kid? Since he came to Hogwarts? What must it be like for him to know that he is the destined one to kill the Dark Lord, to know that that destiny killed your parents? And now his friends hate him because of what I have done, it's like he is all alone...like me.

For the past few weeks I have watched him grow thin, he always looks exhausted with dark circles under his eyes and at the few meals he does attend I never see him eat anything. I almost never see him inbetween classes or even in any of my other classes, besides potions. Where he goes or what he does I don't know, though Father has written and told me that he wants me keeping a better eye on him and I am not quite sure how.

At breakfast this morning as I watched Snape pull Harry from his seat I felt my face pale and stomach tighten with an emotion that I can only name pity, because I don't know what else it could be. I felt for him, I didn't want anything else to have happened to mess his life up any more than it already is. It was at that moment that Pansy decided to call my attention.

"What are you always staring at Potter for, Draco?" she asked in a false chipper voice that meants shecared but did't want me to know that she did.

"I told you..I have to watch him." I said betweeen clinched teethturning my attention back to my porrige, though I was no longer hungry.

"Yeah, but you watch him like you can't take your eyes off of him.It's almost like you want him-"

At her words I stood quickly from the table and glared at her, "Don't let that big mouth of yours run away with you just because you are jealous of anything else I am involved in beside you; you don't want to get your self in trouble." I said in my darkest cruelest tone, I could see the shocked expression written over her features and the embarrisment in her eyes. I felt the hall then, but my thoughts were troubling.

I think it was then that I realized that I may have several complicated feelings when it comes to Harry. Do I think I want him, like pansy suggested? No, but there is something ...different inside me when I look, or even think about him. These feelings and ideas frighten and for some strange reason excite me! Am I infactuated with him ?

I will just have to worry about it later, though I really wish I had someone I could talk to about it. I have to go and send my report to father, I will write more later.


	8. Diary of Harry Potter 4

Hi all, I was getting a few comments on why Draco didn't get punished for what he did to Hermione. To be honest I just figured that since it didn't happen while they were in school Dumbledore couldn't really punish him. But then again it is a very serious crime,so I am adding a few things, re-read if you like!

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Diary of Harry Potter

This is my first time having a chance to write in this book in almost two weeks, much has happened, and I am not even sure where to begin, but I want to write it so that I won't forget and because I really have no one to tell. I wonder what it would be like to have someone I could share every part of my life with, someone who would willingly listen without fear or predjudice and with intrest.

Reading back to my last entry I wrote that someone was coming, and indeed someone was. I could sense their aura before they even walked through the door. I was in the corner in the back, hidden behind several wooden posts so they didn't see me at first but I didn't need to see her to know who it was.

Finally she spotted me and moved slowly closer, stopping three feet away.

"Hello Harry." Hermione said , she wouldn't look at me, kept her head down. Despite this I could see that the scar on her cheek had almost totally healed and that the dark circles under her eyes that I had seen on the train that morning were absent from her features.

"Hi." I said after a long moment, watching her closely. I wondered what she was doing there, looking for me? I don't know, but I thought so, and I questioned my self as to why, but then I remembered that she too must have read the prophecy. I felt a spark of hope that perhaps she had forgiven me.

"…I'm…I'm not going to be able to… say 'I'm sorry' ," she started, "But…I know now that..that this wasn't your fault…you didn't… choose this life…I…" she coughed, and I saw that she was crying bitter seemingly painful tears.

I stood from my seat on the window sil but didn't move any closer to her, though my initial reaction was actually to go to her and attempt to comfort her, like I would have a year ago, but times are different now.

"Dumbledore told me...that he wouldn't let you look for me…that you couldn't go to the hospital either, but that you wanted to." At this she looked up at me, and I felt my face go pale at the expression in her brown eyes. A questioning and scared emotion that made me feel as though I were slowly shrinking. "Is it true? Did you want to come? Or…or didn't you…and...Harry I know you…probably better than anyone else here…you …could have found a way …you…you could have helped me." She said with a sob, anguish written over her features and she lost her self to her tears.

"Hermione…I...I did want to search for you…more than anything, but Dumbeldore told me that if I did it would just be giving them what they wanted…I…I didn't have a choice, same as at the hospital…but you are right...I should have found a way...I shouldn't have listened to him…I—"

"No…" she said lifting her head, and appearing to have composed herself a bit , she shook her head, "He's right…the fate of the wizarding world rests on your shoulders….who am I to put my life before everyone elses?" she said in a very small voice. "I…I want to be friends…again…" she said, now not looking at me but out the window.

I blinked a few times, almost not believing my ears. As though it couldn't be possible for her to want to be friends with me still, after what my enemies had put her through, and after I had failed to protect her. I stared at her in disbelief.

"W.…why?" I asked in a stunned voice, at this she laughed, surprising me enough to take a step closer to her. She turned and looked at me and I stopped.

"You don't get to ask why, you either accept it or you don't." she said in a very monotone voice. And I felt my brows furrow with confusion.

"What about Ron?"

"I'm afraid it may take him a little while longer, but I have been trying to convince him to talk to you."

"Really?" I was still in shock. It wasn't until she walked to me and stood not two feet from me and looked up into my eyes that I began to believe she was really there and it wasn't all just a dream or cruel nightmare.

"Things can't go back to the way they use to be…but… I am going to try." She smiled then a sad sweet smile and I noticed that it did not reach her eyes or warm their hollowed color regardless I returned her smile.

We went down the stairs together, she began telling me about her classes and how she had been writing a letter a day to the Ministry of Magic to let her create a real S.P.E.W . She even told me how she and Ron had actually admitted their feelings for one another and were basically a couple , but she didn't want anyone to really know about it yet. Though she was talkative, there was still something in the way she talked and the loss of warmth of her eyes that gave me a strange sense of foreboding.

We headed down the hall of the fifth floor, there were a few students here and there, and as we rounded a corner we saw Ron leaving a class room. He stopped in his tacks and I saw the utter surprise written over his features at seeing Hermione standing next to me, and I gathered that she hadn't told him that she was coming to speak with me. We walked to him gradually stopping a few feet away. From the moment he had spotted us his aura had changed from very calm to angry and confused in a matter of moments. I kept my eyes from his trying to show the complete shame and sorrow that I felt. I could feel him staring at me, as though trying to burn a hole into my head. I looked up and his eyes met mine but neither of us said a word for a long moment.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak but just then Pansy Parkinson along with two other Slytherin girls , who's names I didn't remember, along with Draco Malfoy's two brutes Crabbe and Goyle all came around the corner and spotted us.

They all froze and then a huge evil grin spread over Pansy's features and she motioned her head towards us.

"Oh lookie…has the boy wonder made nice with his friends again?" she asked in a sneering voice.

Before I could say anything I heard a familiar voice behind me and Hermione and for some reason I felt a tremor of fear and anticipation as the voice of my nemesis met my ears. I reached for Hermione's arm to make an attempt at escape from the crowd of people but as I did so Ron moved quickly in-between us glaring heatedly at me.

"Come on, get out of the way!" Malfoy said pushing a second or third year group of boys out of his way, then stopping in the hall way as he saw the two groups , Slytherin and Gryffindor , standing opposite one another. For a fleeting moment it looked as though he wanted to turn around and run the other way and I saw his colors shift from irritated to frightened before he pulled his aura into himself. In doing so I was slightly surprised that he had been trained to do so, but then again he was a Slytherin and his father was a Death Eater.

My mind wondered why he wouldn't just join in with his peers and begin insulting us as usual. Neither Ron or Hermione had moved or said a word, and I noticed for the first time that a few students had stopped to watch what they assumed would be a good fight between the rival houses.

"Ooh..Draco…!" Pansy said in a sing song voice, and I turned my attention back to her. "Lose something?" she asked pulling a small black book out of the folds of her robes.

Everyone was staring at them, looking back and forth between the two.

I didn't have to look at Draco to pick up on the surprise and fear that that small black book created.

"Where did you…? You little…give me that back…accio! " he called out, but she only laughed, for the book did not fly from her hand.

"You know Draco…I really hope you didn't catch anything from that mud blood when you fucked her."

I hear something fall beside me, but didn't notice what it was, I was focused totally on Draco, who was suddenly staring directly at me. Liquid silver eyes meeting mine and with out a second thought my mind purged his with tone occulmancy skills searching , not caring how brutal the mental attack was or that he cringed and cried out in slight pain, after a fleeting moment I found the truth.

I don't remember moving, but I found my hands around his neck and had him pinned against the wall. I gripped his throat with all my strength, no longer caring about anything but causing him to suffer as much as my friend had suffered. I wasn't aware of the fact that no one could get more than ten feet close to us as I drained the life from Draco Malfoy. My vision was red, and someone was screaming from far away, my head was numb. My anger was over powering, I had lost control before I even reached for it. My thoughts were lost to me, and my will as well. All I wanted in that moment was to kill him.

And as my mind forcefully searched his unguarded one, I heard something I didn't expect.

"_Yes …kill me , Harry…kill me for what I have done…and for what I could do…kill me…please…"_

I could hear his very thoughts right that moment, and I didn't know if he was projecting them to me or not, but I realized then that his hands were not trying to pry mine from his throat and that he had no magical or mental blocks up against my out burst of powers. In that moment I saw that he truly did want to die, and was pleased that I would be the one killing him.

This was my last thought before I blacked out.

Dumbledore later told me that I had completely lost hold on everything inside me, much like when I first heard that Hermione had gone missing only this time there was no bringing me back. My powers went rogue and no one could get near me. I had created a force field around Malfoy and I unconsciously both magical and mental. The only thing that had prevented me from killing him was that I had quickly used up my strength and then for some unknown reason blacked out. The something falling beside me had actually been Hermione , she had fainted at hearing who her rapist was and Ron had been too stunned to catch her before she fell to the ground.

I nearly killed Draco, he had been lucky that I hadn't eaten or slept in several days, or else I would have. He stayed in the hospital for several days, Hermione was suppose to go but Ron refused to have her anywhere near Malfoy and she was taken to the Gryffindor common room. After he was well enough Dumbledore called him to his office and requested he take a dose of Truth Potion that Professor Snape had made to get the full details of what had happened.

I stood in the shadows, Dumbledore nearly refused to let me watch but after several heated words I was granted a shadowy spot. From there I heard the tale the Slytherin had to tell. I was angry once again, but this time the shock had warn off and I was able to contain myself as a very placid Draco Malfoy told us how he raped my friend. I was sickened, angered, and absolutly exhausted. I'd had enough of this...he had to be lieing, he said he didn't want to do it...he had to be a part of it...he should have just let them kill him!

Dumbledore had apparently heard enough, despite the truth potion Draco was unable to tell us anything about the whereabouts of Voldemort. The headmaster told him he could go.

"What?" I yelled, moving away from the wall for the first time and looked at Dumbledore with a shocked expression, "That's it? What about what he did? He can't just get away with it!"

Snape and Malfoy both turned and looked at me, Snape looked as though he were about to speak but Malfoy I totaly ignored. But before the potions master could say anything in the attempt of defencing his favorate student Dumbledore raisd his hands and shook his head.

"There is nothing that I can do as his Headmaster, Harry, what occured did not happen at Hogwarts and that is my only jurisdiction." he said camly.

"But you have an obligation , he has to be punished for this? What is it not a crime to rape someone in this world?" I couldn't bellieve what I was hearing, did no one see what he had done?

"Potter, think about it, if you can through the thick veil of adolesence, if he goes to court or the Ministry of Magic for what he did you know he will not be there for long." Snape said in a cold tone, glaring at me.

My fists clinched at my sides I could not let this go unpunished.

"He's right." Malfoy said in a dull monotone voice, ewe all turned to look at him. His eyes were glassy almost as though he were in a trance until he looked up at me. His eyes met mine and i felt a small jolt in the pit of my stomach and my pulse quickened, I figured it was my unrequited rage against him that had caused it. "He is right, if I go to jail my father will just have me out in a few days, it would just draw attention to the fact that you are all up to something."

I blinked at him in mild surprise and then looked ack at Dumbledore who was nodding slightly, I knew he was right but I didn't want to accept it. I ust have been lost in my thoughts becauseI didn't rememer hearing Dumbledore excusing Malfoy again, but when I realized he was gone I quickly left and followed him.

Though I loathed him now more than ever, something still troubled me. Why did he want to die? Why did he not fight me when I had every ability and desire to kill him.

When he reached his dorm I stopped him.

"Malfoy! " I yelled stepping out of the shadows and into the dimly lit center of the hall. He froze then slowly turned to face me, not looking up but towards the ground which irritated me. I pulled my wand from the pocket of my robes and pointed it at him.

"Look at me! Look at me! " I yelled, and he did. Every inch of me was longing to curse him right there, to avenge my friend. The sadness in the depths of his silver orbs only served to irritate me more as they met my own eyes.

"Why did you do it." I asked between gritted teeth, lowering my voice a bit. He didn't say anything for a long time, just stood there watching me as though curious, I felt a chill run down my spine at the way he looked at me but I revealed nothing.

"Because I had to." Came his soft calm response.

"No ! No your didn't! You could have let them kill you! You didn't have to-"

"Do you really think that they would have just let her go?" He asked, his anger seeming to rise a bit along with his voice, "You think you know them but you don't. This was all planned, Potter! Don't you see that the whole point was for her to be raped by the Slytherin you're enemies with so then she would hate you, and you'd be all alone. Can't you see that they planned this entire thing out? If I wouldn't have done it they would have just killed her… to try and create the same effect…all they wanted to do was hurt you. Bring you down in morality to keep you from getting stronger. " he said, something in his eyes flickered and he swallowed as if he feared he had said too much.

I opened my mouth to speak but his words struck me and I froze in return, breaking the eye contact and looking down suddenly lost in thought. He turned around to go into his dorm. I didn't move to stop him.

"Why..." I started in such a low voice I feared he didn't hear me, but I knew he could because he stopped. I didn't even know why I was bothering to ask, expecting just the normal cold sneer and negative response from the slytherin. "Why...when I was trying to kill you...why did you want me to."

At this I was startled at the change in his aura, at first when I had stopped him it was normal then apprehensive, then mildly angry, but now it shifted and faded. He was sad, so deeply anguished that it felt as though his soul were dying. He turned his lost silver eyes to me and the sadness I had sensed there had intensified.

"Who would want to live my life?" he asked in a slow whisper and then he left for his dorm, giving me much to think about. One major thing being that perhaps there was more to Draco Malfoy than I had suspected, or maybe it was all an act. Either way I knew, and know now that I have to keep a better eye on him.


	9. Harry & Draco

Sorry it took me so long to get another chapter up but I have been very sick for the past few weeks, I promise you though I am not going to quit writing this one I have actually become quite fond of it. I spent some time adding a few things to the last chapter because I felt it was a bit rushed, I hope you all will continue reading an will enjoy!

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Diary of Draco Malfoy

Merlin save me! He tried to kill me, why didn't he? Why couldn't he just kill me like he wanted to, like I wanted him to? He knew that I wanted him to, he could see what I was thinking I know he could. What all he saw I don't know, does he know that I write reports to my father about him everyday? I don't know, if he did he probably would have told Dumbledore and gotten me into more trouble than I am already in. That whore stole my damned journal! How did she get into my room! I probably will never know.

Even now a week later I can still feel where his hands were wrapped around my throat, I remember feeling lightly excited at the foreign contact with my enemy. I stared into his eyes as his powers over came his body and felt him as he penetrated my thoughts with his mind and I didn't resist him. I don't even know why I didn't try and even appear to fight back, but I surrendered everything to him then, giving him my life if he chose to take it. Oh, how I longed for death as though Harry were my savior from this world, my dark angel sent to grant me release from my destined fate and as the world went black around me I was grateful that it was he that freed me.

When I woke in the hospital wing I lost it, I screamed and cried my frustration at having survived and I cursed Potter for not finishing what he obviously wanted to do. After a calming drought I was brought to Dumbledore's office, the old fool sat in his desk with that irritating twinkle in his eyes. I hadn't seen Potter at first, only paying attention to the headmaster and what Professor Snape was saying to me about the truth potion I was going to be taking, but as I sat I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't look at him but I knew he was there as I was forced to relive and tell the horrific story of how I raped his friend.

He followed me back to the common room, I knew he was there but I didn't stop, still feeling drugged I knew that if asked any question I would mostlikely reveal the truth, but I didn't fear him. As I reached the entrance to Slytherin he called to me, the hatred and anger was so think in his tone it dripped from his words. I didn't want to meet his eyes, but he forced me to and as I did the dazzling emerald orbs felt as though they moved throughout my entire form causing me to shudder. After a few heated words over what had happened to Granger he asked me a question, one that I found strange.

"Why did you want to die?" he asked in a soft whisper. At first I was curious as to why he cared, or if he cared at all. I tried to read him but his wards on himself are much to advanced. After thinking for a moment of how to word my answer I finally chose to blow him off, to tell him to mind his own business, but that's not what came out.

"Who would want to live my life?" I asked, cursing my voice for sounding so damned pathetic. He didn't say anything so I left to go to my room.

I wrote to father about what had happened, and how Pansy had revealed my secret to the entire school, but to my surprise he wasn't angry with her but at me! He was shocked that I had written it all down for anyone to read, though I did hear that she got into much trouble with her parents including a rather nasty howler that she received in the middle of her Transfiguration class. I wish I would have been there for that one. Father forbade me to hurt her, but I nearly failed that demand when she came storming into the common room yesterday.

"You little fucking bastard!" she screamed as she spotted me and stomped over to me, her face was red and I couldn't help but think how childish she looked just then. She had a letter in her hand and waved it in front of my face, I tried to retain control over my temper, but then again this is what I had expected by writing the letter to her.

"You don't dump me, Malfoy, I dumped you when I read your little diary and found out" she was screaming, everyone in the common room had stopped to watch the scene.

"Don't." I said cutting her off with a single word and glaring icily at her as I stood from my seat by the fire. I'm taller than she is so I looked down at her.

"Go to hell Malfoy….you think you are so great…like some perfect little sex god, but I have news for you, you're nothing but pureblood trash and one day you will get what is coming to you."

"It's not like you ever complained about sex, not that I actually enjoyed it." I said in a bored tone. Her hand came around and with an open palm struck my cheek, I had expected this also but acted as though it hadn't even happened, remaining unmoving with the glare over my features. She had apparently wanted some reaction for she had cringed as if waiting for my physical attack on her.

"Don't you have anything to say to me!" she yelled throwing her arms up in the air exasperatedly.

"Yes…where is my god-damned journal." I spat. She let out a high pitched scream and the pulled this very same small black book from her robes and threw it at me.

"Get out of my face, you little whore." I said between clinched teeth and then moved around her to go to my private chambers and slammed the door. I haven't seen her in a few days, she must be hiding out somewhere but I know she will be back soon enough wanting sex or something else from me. Though she said that 'I am not all that' I know better. She has told me on many occasions that I am the best lover she has ever had and that she would rather be doing me than anyone else on campus, though I believe she has already done half the campus.

Snape has become increasingly annoying, now that he knows that I have basically been added to the Death Eater family he has tried now on several occasions to get me to have a private tea with him, as if I don't know that he is a death eater, I don't want him telling me things about Voldemort or other things that I have to do. I don't want any part of it, right now I just want to be left alone.

Diary of Harry Potter

It's been three weeks since the incident in the hall with the Slytherins and finally it seems that it has become used up as a gossip piece and the rest of the school seems to be getting over it. Hermione is doing better, though for the first week she refused to come out of gryffindor tower and wouldn't let anyone near her other than Ron. Ron actually seems to be forgiving me a bit, he spoke to me once outside of Hermione's room apparently the fact that I was willing to kill Malfoy right then and there was proof that I did care about Hermione and him and that what Dumbledore had told them both about me wanting to search for her and visit her in the hospital was probably true. We don't talk much, he spends most of his time guarding Hermione from the eyes and words of everyone in school but at least he has stopped glaring at me.

Training sessions with Dumbledore have not improved much, I am growing increasingly impatient with him and his repetitious spells and having me practice them over and over again. Sometimes I wonder if I have infact mastered everything there is for him to teach me, that is until today when he mentioned having Mcgonogal begin teaching me the skills of an anamagus. He said that I would get high scores on my Auror Test for disguise if I were to master it.

I was imeditaly excited by the idea and was given several books to read on the subject, apparently I don't get to chose what animal I want to be , it sort of picks me. I wonder what animal I am going to be, but I am many steps behind before I will actually find out what it will be but with the help of my Transfiguration teacher and head of house I am sure it won't take me long to master this as well.

I am still forced to take potions though when I returned to class and found that Malfoy had actually returned Snape demanded I swap partners again , and he was not without reason. But as I took my new seat I felt Malfoy's eyes watching me, but as I turned to look at him he sneered and looked away, there is something different about him, something that I never really noticed before then that I just cannot lay my finger on, but I found my self staring at him in return, only to be yelled at by Snape to return to work.

It's strange how things change, not three weeks ago I thought I had lost everything, all hope and desire to even remain living, it is so odd how things can go from bad to good and back again in a matter of days.

Diary of Draco Malfoy

Breath Draco breath! I have to write this down…I have to! I have to get all the details right…I don't want this to be forgotten. Oh how could they do this to him after everything he has been put through? (-smudge of ink-) Ugh…my hands are shaking. Breath Draco! Damn them all! I can't believe this!

At breakfast this morning everything seemed normal, I sat between Crabbe and Goyle at the Slytherin table watching the reunited Golden Trio with mock disgust, I could see how dramatic a change having his two friends back had made in him. He was eating again, though not much, and I even heard him laughing for the first time this year a few days ago. I have to admit I liked seeing him this way a lot better, it felt as though something had been holding it's fists tightly around my heart and had now loosened its grip however slightly.

Then it happened. A large brown barn owl flew into the hall, it was much to early for regular mail delivery so of course every set of eyes was on the bird as it flew to deliver it's mail directly to Harry J. Potter. Half of the Slytherin table stood to get a better view, but I saw his face as he took the letter from the birds leg and it flew off. Strangely the whole hall had gone silent as if waiting for something big to happen. In this case they were not to be disappointed.

I didn't only see his face pale but I felt it, as though I could sense the trauma suddenly racing through his mind , body and spirit. He stood quickly from his seat, stumbling a bit backwards and leaning against the wall. His eyes remaining glued to the two sheets of paper in his hand. Imeditaly all of his wards and guards were down and I could see his aura changing rapidly with the gambit of emotions that small letter created. A soft strangled, heart-wrenching cry came from his lips and he clutched a hand to his chest and closed his eyes against the pain, physical, emotional, or both. I knew that sound, and I knew the reaction he made, deep inside Harry Potters heart was breaking.

The room came alive with talking voice, Granger and even Weasley moved to try and help their pained friend but as one of them touched him, I am not sure which. "Don't you touch me!" he yelled backing away from them both, staggering into the wall, the room going silent once more. By this point the entire staff table was aware of the disturbance with in their students and I saw one of the prefects from Hufflepuff running off , I guessed to get Dumbledore or his head of house.

"It was all a lie….ALL OF IT!" he screamed in anguish, apparently not caring that he was making a scene and that three teachers were rushing to make an early attempt at restraining him. With a slam of a door Dumbledore had arrived and I hoped that he would be able to calm Harry down before he lost control like he did with me. But I was wrong, dead wrong , for as the headmaster walked from behind the staff table , having come from a door behind it, Harry seemed to radiate fury.

I blinked in surprise at the change in his aura and then I couldn't see it anymore, he had pulled his magical being into himself and all of his wards were up. He stormed past the entire Gryffindor table, there was such a tension in the room it felt like it was being drained of oxygen.

"YOU!" Harry yelled, moving quickly to face Dumbledore who was walking towards him with what looked like a small smile. It was probably this that caused Harry to raise his wand. The entire room seemed to gasp at once, a student, and not just any student , the-boy-who-lived was now in a stand off with Dumbleodore. The headmaster stopped his motions to him but raised a hand to silence the hall.

"You…you did this to me…all of it…why? It was all a lie. Am I just your little puppet, old man? Am I! Is this all just a game to you?" he said between clinched teeth, I couldn't help but think how frightening he was in that moment. His hair was messy as usual but the way he stood with such assurance of himself and his abilites against one of the most powerful wizards of the age sent a chill through me.

He was now only about five feet from Dumbledore. "Harry, what is it you are trying to say? What happened?" I new that voice, he was patronizing him, as though he were a child, and though he wasn't speaking to me the tone agrivated me.

"What happened? You want to know what happened? You know what happened… you set me up! You set my entire life up from the day I was born you have been playing me like a piece on a chess board." He yelled, his wand hand unwavering, then he held up the two sheets of parchment, "You told them to be my friends, why? To make sure that I was in Gryffindor, to have someone keeping a close eye on me? TO make sure I didn't want to be a Slytherin? Is that it!"

From the Gryffindor table Hermione Granger gasped and fainted into the arms of her boyfriend, the entire hall was silent with shock. Albus Dumbledore had told Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley to be friends with Harry Potter. For a long moment I didn't believe it, it had to be a prank, a cruel joke someone was playing on the boy wonder.

"Yes, Harry." Dumbledore said , causing another gasp from the room and everyone began talking and he raised his hands again for silence. "But…you must understand, Harry…I needed to make sure that you would be lead in the right direction, I know you might find it harsh to have to put so much hardship in your life but one life doesn't stand up to that of the life of the entire world."

The prophecy, that's what this was all about, Harry was the one who was suppose to save us all, and Dumbledore had sacrificed Harry's life before he was even able to decide for himself. There was a long silence and the two just stood there, Harry still glaring at his headmaster.

"I quit….find someone else to fight your god-forsaken war…I've had enough." He said in an angry but tired voice, and with a flick of his wrist he threw his wand at Dumbledore, it fell to the floor at his feet, Harry stormed out of the Great Hall as it erupted with people talking. Dumbledore didn't follow him, mearly bent and picked up the fallen wand. I was aware of someone speaking to me in an amused tone, but I wasn't listening.

Harry was leaving, and he had left his wand behind which meant he was going back to the muggle world and leaving this one to it's dark fate. 'I have to find him….' I remember thinking and as everyone began to flood the entrance hall to go to their classes I ran, looking for Harry knowing that some how I had to bring him back.


	10. Parchment & Draco

Diary of Harry Potter (written on a separate sheet of parchment)

Darkness. Darkness is all I have left. Everything that once shown light into the dark pit of my existance is gone, or in fact never was. All of it was a lie, everything that i have ever been told since I was a child was a lie! Am I so blind and nieve to think that there would actually be people out there to genuinely care about me, and love me for who I am, I guess so. How could they do this? I know the answer, but I don't want to admit it to myself...it's because I am a weapon. Something to be used and toyed with when the time arises, but I am not given the luxury of freedom, the luxury to have my own life. Dumbledore has puppeted my entire life from the moment I was born. Mother, Father...was your demise part of his plan? I do not know...I am not sure of anything anymore.  
After leaving the Great Hall this morning I don't really remember much..I could feel everything around me spinning and my head felt as though my face were caving in upon it'self. My thoughts were shadowed by the repeating words of the letters clutched in my hand. Everything was ablur but I kept running...running with no where to go. When I finally collapsed outside inthe snow I scrambled to the only building that was near...and found that I had obviously gone to my dorm and gathered the few things that still mattered to me; my fathers invisibility cloak,my Gringotts key, the mauruders map, and the knife and mirror that Sirius had given me,for those few gifts are the only things true in my life. I left everything else behind, whatwould I need with magical things when I had no intention o f remaining in the wizarding world.  
There are questions, so many questions thatI shall never have answers for..because I am never going back. They can't make me go back...they can't make me fight. I wonder now that I have cooled down from reading the annomyus letter at breakfast; All this time were Ron and Hermione just following orders? Everything that we did together, everything they did for me, was it all just because they were told to do it? Every year I have been at Hogwarts some strange event takes place where I am eventually forced to play the hero, was all of that, The Sorcers Stone, The Chamber of Secrets, even the Tri-Wizard was it all planned?I don't think it all was...but over the years I have come to the realization that there is little that goes on at Hogwarts that Dumbledore does not know...but there must be parts of those situations that he knew about and either controlled or let things happen so that I would ..gain experience...I guess.  
One thought troubles me the most. That day on the train, the first day of school if Ron and Hermione wouldn't have sat with me and become my friends, who wouldI be friends with? I remember the day in Diagon Alley before that, I was getting fitted for my school robes and I met him there. Silver piercing eyes met mine and I was lost for a moment. Perhaps I just wanted so desparatly to make friends but...I liked him...more than that...I wanted to Be him. I wanted to look perfect, to know everything about the wizarding world, to be rich, to be loved.  
But he and I were not to be friends, he was rude to Ron and Hermione on the first day of school and when the sorting hat was on my head I begged it not to put me in slytherin. But it was right...I should have been in slytherin...and does..does that mean that I would be his friend and if so...would I be training to be a death eater right now? Would I be on the wrong side of the specrtum? No...no it can't be...I...I'm still myself...aren't I? I would never work for Voldemort, would I?No..the prophecy says thatI am going to fight him...thatI am destined to fight him...unless that too is just something else that Dumbledore made up to further manipulate me.. which to me at the moment seems very possible.  
I sit here alone in my shack, not caring much about my surroundings or how long I will stay here. I don't even really know where I am going, I have no plans...and darkthoughts control me as I watch the snow fall outside the broken panes of glass...they remind me of the pain in my heart...the way it felt when i read those last few words of Dumbledores letter. _"I know this may not be a pleasent experience but I assure you that to comply would be in your best intrest." _Damn you Dumbledore...who the hell gave you the right to play god!

Diary of Draco Malfoy.

Oh ,Salazar what a night! I am more exhaused and sore than I ever remember being in my enitre life!After nearly 6 hours I finally found the boy wonder!I had actually given up hope and had started back to the castle when I thought to check in one last place, the shriecking shack. I guess it would have been obvious to anyone else but honestly who would run away to that dump? I mean I searched all of the grounds, the castle, the quidditch pitch, and then at night I was able to leave the grounds undetected and walked around Hogsmead in search of the boy wonder but I found no sign of him and no one had seen him. (I, of course, wondered around with a heavy black hoodedcloak and a disillusionment charm so as not to be recognized) But as I started down the long trail to Hogsmead I saw the shack in the distance and out of the corner of my eye I saw something..and flicker of light...like the brife waver of a candle. It was so short that for a while I stood there thinking I had imagioned it, but after a long internal battle of weather or not to investigate I ventured forth and found myselfstanding on what use to be the front steps of the house.  
I slowly made my way inside, after my own personal experiences I knew for a fact that the place was haunted by some evil spirts and ghosts that even the Hogwarts ghosts didn't speak of. Stopping in the door way, which was no warmer than the icy chill outside.Lowering my hood and pulling my wand from the side pocket of my cloak I slowly walked down the hall.  
"Potter?" I whispered into the dark, I stopped just outside of an ajar door where a soft golden glow was comming from the door. Taking a deep breath I slowly opened it and much to my annoyance it made a very loud creaking sound and would have announced my arrival but I knew he already knew I was there. I could feel him, I don't know how but I know he could feel me too...and there was something in the back of my head like a white cloud reading me and I threw what form of shields I have learned to control over my thoughts.  
As I walked into the room I froze at the sight of him standing there a foot from the shattered window staring out into the night, his livid green eyes glassy and unmoving. He was wearing a black turtle neck sweater that seamed to cling to his muscular torso and accent the fine lines of his form and a pair of dark blue jeans. His black Hogwarts cloak lay on a dusty chair forgotten and it amazed me that he was not freezing. The soft moon light that was comming in from the window cast blue highlights in his jet black hair and made his tan skin appear to softly glow. I blinked a few times...realizing with a flush that I was staring at him. But he hadn't turn to me, he hadn't said anything, he hadn't even moved, like he was a statue.  
"P-potter?" I whispered taking a single step closer to him.  
"What are you doing here? " he asked with out turning to me, his voice was icy, and I felt a chill run down my spine. "I expected Voldemort to send someone,...but I honestly hadn't expected it to be you, but then agin...nothing ever works out quite the way I think it will.." he said in the same cold voice, his eyes unmoving still.  
When he didn't continue speaking I replied, "No one sent me...but someone will come...I am not the only one" with that he was on me, he had moved so fast, like the day he had tried to kill me, only this time his hands were not around my throat. Knocking me back to the door my wand fell from my hand. He held me pinned against the wall, and I gasped as my eyes met his. Never had I ever seen such a strange intense color, it was bright like a forest green that glowed but the depths of them were piked with a dark shade that betrayed his inner grief.  
"WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME? WHAT MORE CAN YOU TAKE AWAY FROM ME, HUH? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST KILL ME A LONG TIME AGO? WHY THIS? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!" he screamed at me his face scant centimeters from my own. I could feel his powers pulsing around us, his anger surging with uncontrolled force but it didn't stop, it rose to a point where I could feel my mind drifiting away with it, and our eyes remained locked as his green orbs seemed to grow brighter his brows coming together in obvious pain and I felt the full impact of it and cried out sharply. Everything around us was shaking, or spinning he was losing hold of everything, either from extreme grief or rage or both but I knew that if he didn't stop he would end up killing us both.  
"Harry...please..." I cired out weakly , I felt as though I was being drained and my vision was full of small white stars and harry's face and I blacked out. When I woke Harry was sitting on the floor beside me, his head in his hands and his knees pulled to his chest and shaking violently. I was slumped against the wall my self, having remained where I had fallen. I took a few deep breaths before looking around at him.  
"A..are you alright..." I asked in a very soft whisper, fearing that I would cause another outburst, but on the contrary I recieved a small nod. After watching him and laying back against the wall and closing my eyes he finally spoke.  
"W..what are you doing here..." he asked, his voice was slow and calm.   
"I...I came to bring you back..."  
"Why..?"  
"I...I don't know...because you're not safe with out your wand.." I said lamely and was startled as a low bitter laugh emited from him and I looked up at him in surprise, he had his head tossed back against the wall and his eyes were closed, just as I had been a moment before.  
"You have no idea..." he started  
"I'm serious...I'm not the only Slytherin with a Death Eater for a father you know...they would have all written to their parents at first chance I'm actually shocked no one is here to kill you now!" I said with a small scowl, not really sure why I was giving away so much information.  
He didn't say anything for a long time but then moved his head from the wall and looked at me, and not just a glance but a long contemplative look that nearly caused me to blush but I am a masterof my physcial appearance when I want to be and mantained composure.  
"You really didn't tell your father...did you...why not?" he tilted his head to one side as though seeing me for the first time, and that very idea sent a chill down my spine.  
"I...I don't know...I just...wanted to find you"he cut me off there and looked away from me, staring out the window a good thirty feet away.  
"You know, I never believed in destiny or fate...I never wanted to think that it was all already planned out for me and that i really had no choice in the matter...but then I found out about the prophecy and I realized that everything that happens has a reason..everything that we do or say has a reason behind it, like it was meant to happen...and what we have to figure out is what that reason is and why..." he returned his sad jade eyes to me, "Like right now...you being here...there is a reason for that to...you were meant to come and look for me...but why.." he stood, slowly as though every movement pained him, and when he finaly got to his feet he was panting a bit and leaning against the wall. I stood also and realized why he had acted so pained.  
Severus had once told me that with powerful wandless, physic, or metaphysical magic the user and reciever would have what was known as "backlash" which was basically a complete drainage of magical power and physical strength. Slowly I stood with him and winced all the way eventually leaning against the wall not noticing that he had moved to stand a few feet in front of me and was watching me until I caught my breath and reopened my eyes.  
He was giving me a strange expression as though waiting for me to speak.  
"Why are you here, Malfoy." he asked when I didn't say anything for a few minutes and nothing but silence remained between us. "The real reason...not why you think you came here...but why ...what is the reason for you being here...right now...with me...?"  
His eyes were penetrating, intense and I had to look away from them and to the floor. I searched my mind for all the things I thought of while searching for him, why had I come here? It was like some strange force pulling me to look for him.  
"Because...I am the only on who ...who can make you go back." I said with out thinking, and looking up at him. He tilited his head to one side again looking at me strangely and for once I wished I could read him as he could read me.  
"Why do you think you can bring me back there...as far as I am concerned I am never going back."  
"Because despite your anger and hurt you are still the same caring, unselfish person you always were." my voice had such conviction but I had no clue where the words were comming from, it was like someone else was saying them with my mouth, and i took a step closer to him, "You are still Harry Potter...they didn't make you who you are...you have a good caring heart and you're a natual hero. You and I both know that you wont let the Dark Lord win, at least not with out a fight. "  
He turned away from me and moved to the window, seeming angered by my words but he was listening and he apparently wasn't going to lose control again.  
"This isn't my war anymore...they were just using me...like a puppet.."  
"No...This is your war..you have more reasons to fight it than anyone else!" I exclaimed taking a step to him, "He killed your parents...he tried to kill you...and if it werent for him Dumbledore wouldn't have had to use you like a weapon!"  
Silence hung then, thick...but I could tell that he was thinking about what I had said. Slowly he turned to me.  
"You want me to fight him? You want me to kill him? Why...you're..you're a slytherin. You've hated me my entire life. Why are you here trying to get me to go back and fight him when you're suppose to be working for him, when your father is a death eater? I don't get it...or ...or are you playing some sort of game...?"  
He was watching me again with that penetraitng stare but he wasn't trying to use occulmancy to read my thoughts or intentions. It was my turn to turn away from him.  
"There are many things that you do not know about, but many of those I cannot tell you without sacraficing my own safety..." I muttered under my breath. The air in the room suddenly felt too thick to breath and I closed my eyes against the pressure in my chest. "You have to come back...you...are our only hope..." I whispered. He didn't respond for a long time and I feared he wouldn't respond.   
"I'll think about it..." he whispered and I only nodded, I knew that was a que to leave and I took it. I left out the door but stopped half way to turn back and look at him one last time, just in case it was the last time I would ever see him.  
I returned to the castle, it's late but I knew I had to write this down, I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight, he has shown me so many different sidesof him tonight. His eyes are truly windows to his soul. In my past years never would I have thought he was capable of such depth, but with in his eyes I can see how intensely he entraps himself in everything he does. No wonder a broken heart would nearly kill him.


	11. Diary of Draco Malfoy 7

Diary of Draco Malfoy

Another long day, perhaps they are all long and my perception is just changing a bit everyday. I woke this morning to a normal day, it had snowed again almost all night and I hoped Potter hadn't frozen outside in his shack. I went to breakfast hoping to see him there but he was not, and he did not show up at all during the day classes. At lunch I received a letter from father, a letter I am surprised to have not received earlier. One of my house mates had done the expected and written to their parents about what had happened in breakfast the day before and he was demanding to know why I had not been the one to inform him. I could tell he was extremely angry in the way he wrote it, and I know the next time I see him I shall be in a good bit of trouble.

Once in m room I sent him a reply telling him that I did not send the same information as the rest because I knew it would get to him eventually and that if the letter would have been intercepted it would implicate how much information I am giving to him and that it might imply that I am spying. I know it was sort of a lame excuse and I know it wont be accepted but for the moment I am safe from him, but there are only a few weeks left until Christmas Vacation. Time is drawing short and I am assuming that during Christmas I will be required to get the Dark Mark. I am not a fan of pain so I'm afraid of it, also I do not want to be tied to the Dark Lord; I do not want to serve him. I want to be m own master and not have to bow to another.

I have to go to potions now, I'll write more later.

(later)

He came back! Not that I didn't think he would, okay so a part of me thought he wouldn't, but what does it matter? He's back now! I don't even know why I am so exited about his return or why the knowledge that I was the one to influence his decision in doing so lifts my sprits and confuses me.

At dinner this evening, while everyone was about half way through eating, and I was listening to Blaze tell a dirt joke to Crabbe and Goyle, he walked in through the large double doors. It was a moment before I noticed him but silence slowly fell over the entire hall and all heads were slowly turning to stare in his direction. A few people stood up to get a better look. But there he was, just standing there glaring ahead at the teacher's table in the front of the hall. I looked back and forth between him and the table seeing that his eyes were locked with those of Professor Dumbledores.  
He was angry, it radiated around him like a force field and I wondered for a moment if he was going to try and attack the old head master. He started walking and stopped half way to the table when Dumbledore stood up.  
"Welcome Back, Mr. Potter" the old man said and I watched Harry thinking that in any moment he was going to explode at him or jump over the table and tackle him. I could see everyone else in the hall watching him as well.

"I will fight your war..old man.." Harry started, talking slowly in an icy tone but loud enough for all of the room to hear, "But I am not doing it for you…or for them.." he said pausing for a moment to glare at Weasley and Granger, Granger had her head in her hands as if ashamed but Weasley had his arm around her and was glaring back at Harry with conviction and equal anger. Harry turned his attention back to the headmaster, "I'm doing this because Voldemort has to die and I have to fight him, and because there are people in this world who are innocent and do not deserve to die b his hands…but you hear me now…Dumbledore …from now on I do this on m own." And with that he turned on his heal and started to leave but stopped at the doorway and turned his head and looked directly at _me_!  
It wasn't for long and I don't think anyone else noticed because then he turned back to face the professors table and raised his right hand. Wordlessly a black object went fling from the headmasters pocket and Harry caught his wand in his out stretched hand. A few people gasped. Only very powerful and highly skilled wizards could use wand less magic. Then he turned and left the Great Hall but where he went I do not know, I can only guess that he returned to the Grffindor tower.  
After he left the room of course burst into sound with people talking and I knew that this time I had to write to father and tell him that he was back. I did so after dinner, returning to the Slytherthin common room, I know that the Dark Lord will not be pleased if he ever finds out that I had something to do with making sure he returned safely to school. I must practice m Occulmancy a great deal before Christmas, for if he does find out he will mostlikely kill me, if he can beat my father to it.

Diary of Draco Malfoy

An uneventful week so far, father wrote to me telling me to continue keeping an eye on Potter but what he doesn't understand is that that is a very hard thing to do. Keeping his promise of doing things on his own Harry returned to Gryffindor tower but requested his own private room; I know this through a first year that seemed too frightened of me to not tell me everything he knew. I didn't expect Harry to return to the tower at all, but I guess that was foolish his only friends can't have just been Weasley and Granger. Though I was surprised that the news disappointed me, what did I think that since he was on the outs with everyone that he would suddenly change sides and come and play nice? I guess so. But I guess he thought the same of me.  
Toda he showed up to potions, which is extremely shocking, he obviously hates the subject and Snape shows absolutely no love for him. I use to think that his picking on Harry was fun and even entertaining but over the last few years it just got worse and worse and I found that Severus was just being immature.  
Well, when Harry walked into the room just before class started I was surprised that Snape did not take of points for being late or anything but I guess he was too stunned that his least favorite student had shown up to his class of his own free will. Everyone was watching him, including myself and was startled as he came and sat beside me. I had forgotten that he and I are potions partners!  
I was too surprised I didn't get the chance to think of anything to say but then Snape began the class, giving us the instructions on the board and telling us to begin. Without speaking he pulled out his text book and opened it to the correct page. I watched him out of the corner of m vision for a while, he looked exhausted there were dark circles under his eyes and his hair seemed to hang limply over his brow.  
I wanted to say something, and eve started too when Crabbe turned and looked back at me. He glanced at Harry who didn't notice and gave me a short nod which I found strange but returned. Was he watching me or Potter? I wondered. And then I realized that I couldn't just be nice to Harry, that I too was being watched…and that they would notice if I had started to lighten up on him. Through out the entire course of the class we did not say a word to one another and I wondered if he had figured the same thing I had. But then there came a moment when I dropped m quill between us and he moved to pick it up and in handing it back to me our eyes met.  
His green eyes were clouded b something I couldn't name and he immediately looked away from me. Did I dream that his cheeks had gone a bit red? Of course I did.

When class ended, the entire thing having gone smoothly, everyone rushed to leave the class room except Harry and I, I wanted to talk to him alone but I saw Goyle, Crabbe, and Blaze waiting for me. I left just as he did but when we got to the door way Goyle pushed into Harry and knocked him directly into me and we fell.  
"Watch were you're going, Potter!" Blaze said glaring at him and helping me to m feet. I grimaced, not in pain but knowing that they were expecting something, some cruel line or joke at the fallen Potter, I didn't want to have to…but what choice did I have?  
"you can't blame him for being clumsy , he was raised b muggles." I said with a sneer, playing the mask of m 11 ear old self once more and I hoped that Harry could tell how insincere the comment was. But he couldn't he looked up at me as he helped himself to his feet, Crabbe and Goyle chuckling annoyingly behind me. His eyes were cold and I read the hurt with in them, I was betraying him in his eyes. I felt color, what little I have, drain from m face. Just when he had started to think I was different than before I do a 180 on him.  
"Get out of my way, Malfoy." he said between clinched teeth and then gathered his fallen book bag and pushed past me and between the still laughing monkeys.  
"You just going to let him walk away?" Blaze asked me and I winced a bit. Turing back after him I saw for the first time that a few people from the class room had stopped to see what was going on including Weasle and Granger.  
"Come on..." I said darkly to m so called friends, "He's not even worth it." I said loudly then turned down the opposite hall and walked away, just hoping that the other Slytherins would follow, luckily they did.


	12. Diary of Harry Potter 7

Diary of Harry Potter

I went back to Hogwarts. I don't even really know why, but I did, I went back. In the last hours I had convinced myself of my decision to flee to Diagon Alley clean out my Gringotts account and then go find a nice quite place to live some where in muggle London. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought about leaving everyone in the wizarding world to the hands of Voldemort I knew that Malfoy was right, I couldn't just leave. This is as much my fight as it is anyone elses. There are thousands of innocent people out there who do not deserve to die because one wizard can't get over his own blood line.

I returned at night , the snow was thick and it took me a long time and when I reached the castle everyone was at dinner. I hadn't planned on making a scene about my return but I guess it was fitting since that was sort of how I had left it. Let the Slytherins go and tell their parents that the battle isn't over yet and that I am not going to fall so easily.

After my scene in the Great Hall where I made a fine show of my hand magic pulling my wand from Dumbldores pocket, I went to the Gryffindor tower, I wasn't quite sure what kind of if any welcoming I would get and I expected my other room mates to ask me to leave so I went about packing up my trunk.  
I was about half way finished putting my clothes away when Neville, Seamus, Ginny, Justin, Dennis and Colin all burst in to the dorm room. I was so startled that I jumped back from them and nearly grabbed my wand.

"What do you think you are doing?" Ginny yelled at me throwing her hands up and stepping closer to me.

"You're not leaving again are you Harry? " Neville asked quietly with wide eyes.   
"Well…I just…figured it would be best if I moved out. I figured you wouldn't want me here anymore…"  
"Why would you think –"

"No way!"

"You can't—"

Everyone seemed to speak at once.

"Harry.." Neville said firmly , surprising everyone enough into silence and we all looked at him. "No one asked _us _to be your friends. And nothing is going to make us stop being your friends. We want to help you, we are still the DA." He said with feeling. I looked around at all of them too shocked for words and they all nodded in agreement with Neville smiled at me and I felt my face flush as tears stung my eyes.  
I nodded to them all and Ginny cheered and rushed to give me a hug, I flushed a bit but smiled gratefully.  
After I composed my self a bit I sat on my bed and the others either stood or sat around the room.  
"I really appreciate it, all of you…but I really do think it is better if I move out of the dorm at least into a private room.." Seamus made a noise to protest, "I just think it is safer for all of us." I said with a nod to him.  
"Harry…" Neville started, " We are not going to let you fight this alone…no listen to me…" he said for I had started to interrupt her, "we are a team, be damned what that prophecy said, we are your friends and this is not just your fight." Ginny nodded beside her on his bed.

"He's right." Ginny whispered looking far away for a minute then looking back at me with a fierce expression.  
After a minute of looking around at everyone in the room I finally sighed, "We have a lot of work to do." This time everyone cheered and I smiled brightly.

"What about …um…Hermione and…" Seamus started but everyone else turned and glared at him as if he had just muttered a curse word.  
"I don't know…"I said looking down, "Anyone is welcome I guess." I honestly hadn't worked out my feelings about either of my ex friends.

"The rest of the DA is with you, Harry…we've talked to everyone, Luna, Hanna, Earnie…they all still want to learn from you."  
I could only nodd in response this was too much to take in all at once. How could I have been about to leave this place forever, how had I forgotten that there were people other than Ron and Hermione who cared about me and wanted to help me. Now there really is a lot of work to do. There are things that Dumbledore didn't want me teaching the others, but now there is no stopping me, I can show them as much as I can before time runs out. I can only hope they all truly understand the sacrifice they could potentially make in the end, but with everyone's personal history I think they each have their own reasons for fighting against Voldemort.

Diary of Harry Potter

Time drags on when you have alot of it on your hands. It's been a week since I have returned to Gryffindor and my days have started to follow a pattern. I get up practice or study, make lessons for the D.A, go to potions, and study more. Though my sprits are lifed by the reforming of the group air is still thick with tension. I am still not speaking with Ron or Hermione, despite their efforts. Funny how only three weeks ago it was them who was not speaking to me. Ha, how things change. I still don't know if I shall ever forgive them , and even if I do, I know things will never be the same between us.

Even though she says she has, I don't think Hermione will ever truly forgive me for what happened to her during the summer. And I don't think Ron will ever either. Perhaps they have and I am just being to cynical to think that they are still only doing what Dumbledore asked them to do six years ago. But how can I know?

Tonight, oh tonight. I couldn't sleep, I can never sleep anymore. And I wondered around the corridors in my invisibility cloak, not that any prefect would actually try and force me back to bed.

Thanks to the Prophet detailing how I am the only person who can save the world I am viewed as an entirely different level of student. They all know everything about me, yet none of them know me at all.

Finally I walked into an empty class room, removed the cloak and sat, savoring the silence of the night. Then, as I do many nights, I prayed. Not to any god in particular , I just prayed. That everything would work out, that no one would get hurt, and that this was all just a bad dream and I was still 11 living in the cubbord under the stairs.

Lost in my thoughts I didn't hear the footsteps at first, but I sensed an anxious magical force heading in my direction. By the time I had opened my eyes she was standing in front of me, shoulder length red hair highlighted in the moons light from the window.

I opened my mouth to speak but she placed a finger over my lips to silence me. I didn't know what she was doing following me, but a large part of me didn't care as I stared into her almond shaped eyes that were filled with an emotion I couldn't recognize.

Slowly, as if slightly frightened, she brought her hands to the front of her blouse and pulled it free of her skirt and pulled it over her head revealing her bare torso, chest, and white bra. I felt my jaw drop a bit as I watched her.

"Ginny what?" she cut me off by pushing her lips against mine, her tonge moving between my already parted lips and exploring my mouth. I don't really know what came over me, I had never really been attracted to Ginny, mainly because she was my best friends sister. But now, as she pulled her bra to join her blouse on the floor and stood back for my observation I felt a hunger that I had never known rising inside me.

My eyes couldn't help but move over her petite form. Merlin, when did she grow up? Her red hair hanging over her shoulders shaded each swelling bud of her nipples perfectly and I nearly moaned right then at the vision of her before me.

Very carefully she moved closer to me, never taking her eyes from my own, and placing one knee on each side of my hips, straddled me and put her hands on my shoulders. Her school skirt rose around her and I could feel her crotch against my own.

"Harry….Please…" her soft voice was full of her desire and I blinked at her once or twice, surprised by her directness when she had once been so shy. "You need this…and I need this." She whispered, her lips coming so close to mine I could feel her breath on them. As if to make an example of me she pushed her hips forward and rubbed her crotch against my member. A very light moan escaped my lips, realizing how hard I was and how heated my skin felt.

She leaned back a bit, a seductive smile over her lips, and reached for my hands with hers then guided them up to rest on her cleavage. Just the memory of the soft warm flesh and hard little nipples under my hands makes me shudder. Very inexperienced I froze, but she was patient and with her hands showed me what she liked. When my attentions caused a light gasp and moan to come from her I thought I would explode right then. Just the knowledge that my touch was pleasing to her made the heated fire of desire rage through out my body.

As if sensing my distress she pushed my hands away, moving her lips back to mine in a deep, hot wet kiss. So lost in the kiss was I that I didn't even notice her unzipping my pants until she had wrapped her hand around my manhood with a firm grip and freed me from my pants. I broke the kiss with a loud groan. Having never been touched other than by my own hand my member lept in response as she stroked me.

Again and again she brought me close to the edge and then stoped, slowly teasing and driving me mad with frustrated lust. I was gasping for breath by the time she stopped her stroking and sat up on her knees a bit, moving her own hand under her skirt. I wasn't quite sure what she was doing but as she leaned forward and gripped my member again she guided me to a deliciously burning hot wetness that surrounded and gripped around my rigid sex as she sat back down.

We gasped at the exact time, her chest crushing against mine as she allowed her body to adjust. The hot wet satin of her insides tightened around me in a pulsing manner and when she lifted back off of me and then back down again, letting her body stroke me, I nearly went over the edge. But this was far too sweet to let it end now and I resisted the urge. Slowly she moved her body up and down, at times grinding down hard onto my sex which caused her to gasp and moan in delight.

With time she started picking up speed , my hands moved to her hips moving with her, at times even pushing my hips back against hers. The center of her sex began getting more and more soaked with her honeyed juices as she began moaning non stop. Her speed now very fast and I guided her down harder each time, seeing as how she enjoyed it. Her head fell back, her hair whipping down her back and shoulders, and as she screamed my name in absolute excasty I exploded with in her, falling deep into the orgasm as her body continued to move, though much slower.

Finally she stopped and just clung to me. We remained that way for a very long time until finally she pushed back and smiled at me, giving me a sweet kiss before slipping off of my lap.

As she dressed and asked me not to tell her brother, which I couldn't do any way since I wasn't speaking with him, I could have sworn I saw the flickering light of an aura run out of the room, but I might have just been dreaming it.


	13. Diary of Draco Malfoy 8

Diary of Draco Malfoy

Oh Merlin what was I thinking! I saw it all…Harry and that Weasle's sister! How could he do that with her? And why, when I walked in on them conceled by my invisibility cloak, didn't I reveal my self and stop them or a least why did I not turn away and walk out in disgust? Why did I just stand there, watching? And worst of all…why… when I saw Harry's face filled with pleasure, lids half closed and moaning softly did I feel an intense rush of anger, of…jealousy? And then as he clung to the girl atop him and his face expressed the excasty of his climax my body reacted with it's own desire. Even now as I write this I am still painfully erect and am unable to get the vision of his face from my mind. And all I keep thinking is how I wanted to be the one to make him react like that, and how I want him…! But why?  
He's Harry bloody Potter! He's been my enemy for 11 years? Yes I have been seeing a different side of him and getting closer to him, but…but why this? He's a guy? Can Guys even like guys? This is totally insane. I keep telling myself that I was only turned on by the situation of seeing them like that, but I'm no stranger to sex, why would seeing two people doing it affect me so? I have to get out of here…I need a very cold shower.

(later)

I never got that shower. Right as I started taking my clothes off someone knocked at my door, I went to open it, not caring or expecting anyone and was startled when Pansy flew into my room and pushed past me and then turned her angry face to mine.

"I want to know right now, why have you been avoiding me? And what is going on with you and Potter!" she said loudly. I raised an eyebrow at her.  
"I'm not avoid you, we broke up. I don't have to talk to you anymore, didn't you read the papers?" I asked, "Now get out." I said motioning to the door which I was still holding open.  
"And what about you and Potter, don't think I haven't noticed the way you stare at him the way you're eyes move all over him." She said with a sneer pretending to be looking at her hair in the mirror beside my bed. I realized for the first time how low cut her shirt was and I felt my body reacting to the sight and the reminder of what had occurred earlier.  
I closed the door.  
"Nothing is going on…My father told me to watch him…end of story…can you leave now…" my voice cracked a bit and I moved to the other side of the room where my private bathroom is.  
"Fine…" she said standing but then instead of leaving she walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist crushing her chest against my back.  
"What are you doing?" I asked in an angry cold voice. Her hands slid down my front and found my erection, which to this point I had been able to hide thanks to my robes. "Oohh…Draco…is this for me…" she asked rubbing her hands over me and causing a soft moan to escape my lips.

Outraged I pulled away and pushed her hard away from me she fell into the side of my king sized bed and laughed loudly.  
"Come on , Dragon…" she said in a coy seductive voice, as she stood "just because we aren't getting married doesn't mean we can't have a little fun…you know you wont do it with anyone else...their blood isn't clean enough for you!"  
I glared at her, but my anger only fed my frustrated lust and I grabbed both her wrist and held them behind her, pulling her hard to me and crushing her from against my chest. "You are the filthiest pure blood I know…." I said in a cruel tone and for an instant hurt flashed in her eyes before I claimed her mouth with my own in a rough deep kiss. She bit my lower lip, angering me and a rage filled me and mixed with my already extreme emotions. This wasn't love, this wasn't even friendship…this was hate…evil in it's darkest most sinful form…lust.

It seemed like moments later that I had her naked and bent over the side of my bed and I was driving into her roughly. Her screams of pleasure, or pain didn't matter to me, I didn't care about her, just the feeling and that I was having sex with a girl…that meant I couldn't be attracted to Harry…right? I didn't want to think about her or her face. As I gripped her hips and thrust harder and harder I kept my eyes closed. As I neared my climax _his _face…his lovely eyes closed in pleasure his mouth opened slightly with a cry of pleasure…his face was all I could see. I nearly choked but the orgasm burst forth regardless and I groaned deeply.

Pansy is still here asleep in my bed, I hope she doesn't think this means were're back together because it doesn't, it doesn't mean anything. I find the entire thing disgusting, horrifying and confusing. Why am I still thinking about Harry? Why did it turn me on to see him tonight? And why was it is face and not a girls or even the girl I was having sex with that was in my head tonight? Am I attracted to him? Do I _like _him? All I know for sure is that this could be dangerous…for me and for him.

Diary of Harry Potter

Tomorrow is the start of Christmas break, it seems to have come so quickly. The year is almost half over. I am one of the few students staying over this year as is usual, most of the D.A is going home and I wont even have that to keep my mind occupied. The past two weeks have been slightly uneventful. I do the same thing almost everyday beside when I have D.A meetings In the Room of Requirement. Our ranks are growing, and Neville, Luna and Ginny have been teaching on their own as well. Almost all of the upperclass Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs have joined and over half the Ravenclaws. Ron and Hermione do show up but I have yet to speak to either of them other than a word or two. Hermione has tried to talk to me and three times I have blown her off, I just can't look at her in the eyes anymore, Ron either. I just know things will never be the same, and now I don't even know how much of what either of them says or does is because they want to or if it is because of Dumbledore. I just can't trust them anymore.

I have met with the members of the Order of the Pheonix once now, on my request they met me last week and I told them exactly what I told Dumbledore and the D.A . "I am doing this on my own now, with out Dumbledores help and with out taking orders from him. You can either decide to follow his orders or stand beside me at your own free will, and though we are both fighting the same cause I will not mix my plans with his."

Lupin was the only one to really support me but they all said that they are going to help me in anyway they can. Lupin spoke for all of them and said that none of them new about the letter from Dumbeldore to Ron and Hermione, I don't know weather or not to believe him but I am trying.

The D.A is having their last meeting tonight after dinner. The original group has mastered a lot in a very short amount of time Luna and Ginny even moving into a few N.E.W.T level spells with easily ability. Tonight will be sort of a review of everything that we have done, oops time to go. I'll write more afterwards.

(later)

The meeting went fine, everyone said their goodbyes for the break and it was actually a lot of fun, I think I laughed for the first time in months when Ginny accidently hit Neville with a dancing charm and he when swinging around the room with her. By the time everyone had left it was past cerfew, the crefew I no longer follow. I was finishing cleaning up when I felt someone behind me. I turned quickly, drawing my wand on my supposed attacker.

"How did you get in here?" I asked surprised.  
"Someone left the door open." Draco Malfoy said not looking at me but at around the room as though he had never seen anything like it before.

"What do you want?" I asked glaring at him. Though he had been the one to bring me back to Hogwarts he had returned to the same hating annoying malfoy once I had returned.  
He looked at me his eyes meeting mine and I felt his aura shifting just as the silver in his eyes swirled reminding me of the deep sadness I had seen when I had nearly killed him and I felt my anger lighten a bit.

"I came to tell you good-bye." He finally said, giving me a strange expression which I couldn't explain.

"After all the hell you have been putting me through for the past three weeks now you want to say good bye for the holidays? I don't get it Malfoy, what are you playing at?" I asked finally lowering the wand that I had forgotten I was pointing at him. In truth the snide comments and rude remarks hadn't been near as bad as in the past few years but it had gotten rather annoying.

"Oh come on…" he said wondering around the room and I wondered why he was trying not to look at me, "What you think you and I could have just gone and been best friends. I thought you were smarter than that. What happens if one of my Slytherin friends goes and tells their 'daddy' that I am all buddy buddy with you what do you think my father would do to me? " he asked and I blinked in surprise.

"I'm sorry… I hadn't thought about that." I said after a moment, it did make sense.

He took a deep breath and turned to face me, " I wanted to come and talk to you earlier… but you are always with someone else…" he said with what appeared to be a slight grimace that he was fighting. He was right ever since the D.A had gotten back together I didn't go out of Gryffindor tower with out a few people around me. Someone always insisted on walking me wherever I was going, not for protection really but just to talk or keep me company which I appreciated greatly.

"Oh…"I replied softly watching him closely. Why was he here, again? Why does he always seem to be somewhere near me? Ever since my first year he has been one of the few constant things in my life. My eyes met his silver ones again and I felt a strange chill slip down my spine and cause my hair to stand on end. For some reason my breaths sounded loud to my ears and my arms too big at my sides. I nervous spike hit my stomach and I swallowed.

"What are you doing here…really?" I asked in a soft whisper finding my voice to be harsh and I hated it for a moment. Malfoy took a step closer to me, too close for me but I couldn't make my self pull away. I had never noticed how soft and perfect his skin looks, or how every hair on his head lays straight, or that he moves with such a perfect grace. Standing in that moment before him I felt crude like a rock standing next to a diamond.

"_Harry…_" he whispered my name…he didn't call me 'Potter' , never had I ever thought my name sounded so sweet than when they came from his lips and I blinked at that revelation. He looked down his cheeks seemed to flush a bit. "I came to tell you good-bye…because there is a chance I might not be coming back." He finally said not looking back up at me.

I shook my head a bit, 'No!' my mind thought and it reeled at the strength of my own denile. Why didn't I want him to go? Why did I care if he never came back? Why did I not want him to go? What was the feeling when he looked into my eyes, what was the emotion In his eyes?

"Why?" I asked in a soft whisper.

"You know why."

I did. It was because of me, because he helped me come back. Was he trying to help me still? Did he want to become a death eater? Just whos side was he on? I know I couldn't ask him, because he wouldn't be able to tell me. If he said the words it was easier for someone to use occulmancy to read it from him.

"Don't go." Was the only thing I could say and without thinking I took a step to him, he was now only a foot from me. He still wasn't looking at me just at the floor but he shook his head slowly.

"I can't…my father…" he just shook his head unable to explain any further than that.

I sighed deeply feeling my fist clinch at my side, my anger confused me further, why did I want to protect Malfoy? Why did I care so much about someone who is suppose to be my enemy. Maybe it was because I knew that if he did get killed or hurt it would be because of me. And here for the past few weeks I had thought he had gone back to the way he was just hating me.

"I'm sorry." I said softly and I heard a small gasp come from him and I looked up into his face just to see a single tear slide down his cheek. So surprised I was by this that I tilited my head an inch and stared at the drop in wonder. A light hardly audible strangled, heart wrenching sob came from his parted lips just as he leaned forward and closing the space between us pressed his lips to mine!

His lips were like ice and sent the strangest heated chill rushing through me from the contact. Never had i felt anything quite so cold or so soft. It was only for a moment but I closed my eyes and I felt his aura pulsing , melding with mine only for an instant, before he pulled away leaving me breathless. I reopened my eyes to see his eyes wide in surprise and fear. "Good bye…Harry…" he whispered before turning and leaving the room as fast as he could and I dumbly stood there and let him go.

What is happening to me? I just kissed Malfoy! And not only that I ..I liked it…it was enthralling…shocking and thrilling. But how can this be? He's a ..a boy! Merlin help me? What on earth is going on? I know I need to talk to him but I couldn't find him …I need to keep him from leaving. They wont let me in the Slytherin Common room maybe there is a chance I can catch him before the train leaves in the morning. I don't even know what I am going to say to him but some how I have to keep him here. I need to find out what on earth is going on with me. Why can't I stop thinking about him now? It's very late now, I just hope I can get to him in the morning if I don't what will his father do to him if he finds out the truth about my returning to Hogwarts. What if he finds out about the kiss?

(next morning)

I couldn't find him, now he is gone. Now I can only hope that he is better at his Occulmancy skills than he lets on. There are so many things I have to ask him, and there is this feeling of dread and extreme fear about his not returning. Why do I feel as though I am slowly suffocating and that I wont breath deeply again until I know he Is safe? It's going to be a very long Christmas.


	14. Harry & Draco 2

Diary of Draco Malfoy  
Stupid , Stupid Draco! How could I do something that foolish? Why did I even go in there? Did I really want to see him _that_ badly? Oh lords my chest...it's like I am drowning there is so much pressure. Why did I have to go through that door? Why did _he_ have to be standing there alone?

I have been watching him ever so closely in the past weeks, wondering at how much stronger he is becoming from the near corpse I found in the shrieking shack that night. But I did not expect to see him as he was tonight; when he turned to me, his wand directed at my chest I felt his presence, the strength of his magical aura on edge ready for anything. I know of his 'army', of everyone involved few have lose tongues. I once again have kept this information to myself in the hopes that no other Slytherin will discover them.  
I couldn't even look at him, I had been a fool to think that he would have understood my reasons for playing the cruel slytherin mask of prior years and when I saw the anger pulsing from him I flushed at the hurt I felt. After explaining I was surprised how his anger softened, oh Harry you're always surprising me. When he asked me why I was there I told him that I came to say good-bye. I didn't mean to say it but it must have been the truth for when I said it felt some how right.  
As I said it new emotions spread over me. I knew, in that instant, that I didn't want to leave knowing that there is a chance I will never see him again, without saying 'good-bye'. But it was deeper than that. I didn't want to lose him. I wanted to stay near him no matter what...so many things I wanted to tell him in that instant but I couldn't.  
And then he said he was sorry! Gods why did I look into his eyes? Through his eyes and those two small words he revealed everything to me. He understood, or at least he wanted to. And I could tell there were things he wanted to ask me, but couldn't. Brilliant jade orbs were all I knew before I achieved the unthinkable. I kissed him! I can still feel his petal soft lips pressed against mine. They were so warm and the contact sent goose-bumps all over me. The feeling was utterly unexplainable, I could have melted against him in that instant and I praied time would stop and freeze us together in that moment forever.  
But time did not stop and the kiss ended but my heart raced on. So stunned was I by my actions and by the sensations that a simple kiss created through out me I looked at him in surprise. I saw the same surprise in his face. Fearfully I left, not wanting to risk him coming out of his small shock for I know he will most likely be angry. How could I be so stupid! He probably _hates_ me now...how unwanted is a kiss from his enemy?  
I returned to my room as fast as I could run and once behind the safety of my door with sound proof wards and protection charms I broke down. Falling to my knees, a hand clinching my chest in pain, I couldn't breathe...gasping over and over I pulled my self togeter slowly...I hadn't even noticed I had been crying!  
Malfoy's do not cry! What have I become? Some slobbering pitiful creature over a boy? Merlin, please..what is wrong with me! I'm not suppose to show any emotions..I'm not suppose to care about _him_...why does it hurt to think that I will never see him again, and that his life will go on the same without me because I am nobody to him.  
I am not bringing this journal with me I do not want my father to find it and read all of this for then I would surly be doomed. I haven't slept all night, I leave in the morning to return to Malfoy Manor..I have never been so terrified of returning to my home. I have to snap out of this! I am trying to clear my mind of anything having to do with Potter, trying to concentrate that he is my enemie..but then I see his eyes in mymind...and I feel his lips against mine and I know I will be unable to fool anyone.let alone the DarkLord himself.  
I have accepted my fate..and I will accept what ever happens, though I know I will have no choice...and if I die Forever will I be haunted by the kiss that I never should have stolen.

Diary of Harry Potter

Time is not my friend for now it drags on, minutes seem like hours. I have tried to keep myself busy, I have spent over half the hours practicing spells. Professor Mcgonogal helps me daily with my Ani-magus form but it is frustraiting work and I find that I cannot concentrate my mind keeps wondering to Draco. I see him in my mind when I close my eyes and I catch my self thinking about where he is...weather or not he is alright...and then sometimes it goes further to remember the feelof his lips the sensation of his presence aroundme.  
This morning Dumbledore called me to his office, I have not spoken with the headmaster and my ex-mentor since my return though I see him at meals I ignore his existence completely. But this was the first time he had actually called me to his office since then and I figured it was time to talk to him.  
It was Christmas eve and I was standing outside his door. He called me in.  
"Have a seat, Mr. Potter." he offered he was sitting behind his desk as usual but the normal twinkle that I had grown to despise was no longer in his eyes. I didn't sit, or say anything.  
"Well, I will get right to the point then..." he began giving mea sad look but I was un-phased and continued my silence. "I met with the members of the Order of the Phenoix and after a vote they have agreed to asking you to join them."  
"No." I said with a firm shake of my head. "You are their leader and I will never take orders from you." I said in a cold tone and the old head master sighed. "Is that all?" I asked about to turn and leave, just being in his presence was more than my temper could stand.  
"No..Mr.Potter..Please..I must give you a word of caution." he stood from his desk then and raised both his hands as if in defeat. He looked at me very seriously and I did not leave. "I am aware that you and Mr. Malfoy have become something along the lines of acquaintances. But my spy with in the ranks of Voldemort has been made aware of the fact that Mr. Malfoy was given specific instructions to watch you, take notes and send reports back on everything he observes."  
I felt my fists clinch at my side, "So...then he is doing exactly what you have been doing to me for the past six years, spying on me..."  
"Please, Mr. Potter." he said with a cool voice  
"And what makes you think I hadn't already thought about him telling his father everything about me? I am really sick of you knowing everything about what I am doing. Why can't you just leave me alone?" I was nearly yelling at this point my anger was getting out of control but I had mastered my powers enough now so I knew that I would not cause him or my self-harm by my loss of temper. I had had enough and I turned to leave.  
"He is going to get the mark. He has been told to get closer to you, he is only trying to get more information out of you...he is going to betray you." He said and though his voice was calm I could tell his anger was rising.  
"You would know...you're the master of betrayal." I said coldly before turning and leaving. But as I walked I knew he had a point, I had no evidence not even his own word that Malfoy wasn't going to be a death eater. I don't know how much of what Dumbledore said was true but it gave me much to think about. I am still trying to work out my feelings about the last time I saw him...there is only one thing I can do...wait...wait for him to come back so I can try and talk to him. Before I make any decisions on how I feel towards him I need to know whose side he is on.

(later)

It's two in the morning , Christmas morning to be exact, I couldn't sleep, again. I dreamed of _him _tonight. I dreamed he came to my room and woke me and before I could ay a word his icy , blissful lips were upon mine. We kissed for an eternity, tongues dancing slowly. He laid his body down to mine , hands wondering freely. After what seemed to be hours of this pleasurable illusion he broke the kiss and stared down into my eyes with a soft genuine smile. With delicate fingers he brushed my bangs from my brow and then ran a soft finger down the shape of my scar then cupped my cheek with a hand. Then his pink lips whispered softly and sweetly, "_I love you, Harry Potter_."

I woke instantly and immediately fell out of bed. I pulled myself to all fours and gasped, I don't know if I had knocked the wind from me or if it was because of the dream but I couldn't breathe…it was the same feeling as the day he left. Even though it was just a dream it felt so real. I have had my fair share of sexual dreams but this was the most erotic, intense and arousing of them all. Why on earth would Draco Malfoy say that he loves me? Is my mind playing ticks on me? I am I under some spell? And firstly why am I having sexual dreams about someone I've considered an enemy all my life and kissed once? I am so bloody confused...and frightened. This is getting dangerous…and what if he doesn't come back? Would they really kill him? Would his father let that happen?   
What is wrong with me?


	15. Return

IvoryRavyn  
2005-03-26  
ch 8, signed

i remember the story saying that hermoine couldnt remember the faces of her attackers so no beside the death eaters would even kno that it was draco

Hello IvoryRavyn, thank you for reading my story and for leaving a review. I am not quite sure what it is you were asking me but let me clear up the plot a bit for you since you are obviously lost. Yes, Hermione could not remember the faces of her attackers her memory had been altered. The only reason the whole school knows who her rapist was is because Pansy found Draco's diary and shouted out that bit of information. Sorry you found it confusing but I hope you continue reading.

P.W

Fefs Malfoy  
2005-03-22  
ch 13, signed

Oh my God, this fic is so perfect! I love when they don't just jump in each others lap and say i love you! This fic has this implied situations.. oh, so exciting! And finally something happened! Please, please update soon! I don't know why the hell i didn't read this before!  
Hey, just so you know, you only accept signed reviews... Some people that don't write fics can't review your fic this way... It's kinda of annoying... A few months ago i was on this situation then sometimes i wished to review but i couldn't. Take care and congratulations, you're a fantastic writer!  
Hugs!

Hi Fefs Malfoy, Thank you very much for your kind comments, I am so glad you like the story. This is actually the first one I have ever written about HP, and is the first Slash story I've ever tried my hand at. This story has been more trying than I had initially expected, it's harder than it looks! But I am trying to get it written as fast as possible. Thanks for reading!

P.W

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter

Something has happened, I don't know what, I can't get to him and make him tell me! But something definitely happened over Christmas break. I think he hates me more than ever now. He won't even look at me anymore at meals. Why am I being so strange about this? Isn't this what I want, for him to not be spying on me? For him to not use me? Then why am I still thinking about him? Why do I now watch him all the time?  
On the first night of everyone's return to school I looked for him through the crowd of people coming off the carriages from a good distance away on the snow covered lawn. When I spotted him I sighed with relief, he was alive at least. I knew it would be bad if I ran down to see him so I went and met Neville and Ginny in the entrance hall. As I stood there listening to them talking about their Christmases a group of Slytherins including Draco walked past us and every single pair of eyes glared directly at me. For an instant, only a second really, his hate filled silver eyes met mine.  
I felt all color drain from my face so much that Ginny asked me if I was alright. It wasn't just the hate in his eyes that shook me but the silver orbs that once held such beauty and mistery were dulled reminding me of Hermione's browns that had altered so much after one summer. It was like he had been …broken…as though something inside of him was dead and would never come back….taking apart of me with it.  
His group moved past me tough all continuing to glare until passing the group of Gryffindors. I didn't go to dinner that night, I couldn't stand to see him again. I know he hates me…not only is it obvious on his face but I sense it in his aura, a rage poising his entire being. It's as though everything that happened before Christmas, his talking me into coming back to Hogwarts and the kiss he gave me the last day I saw him, was all just a dream.  
I know I have to talk to him but he is always surrounded by his group of Slytherins. He and I are still going to have to be partners in Potions…I wonder what is going to happen there? Maybe I should just stop going , it's not like they would enforce anything upon me…or at least I don't think they would. No, I have to keep going , it might be my only chance to get to him. I have got to find out what happened…and why he has changed.

* * *

Diary of Draco Malfoy  
I'm alive. I guess in the end that is all that really matters, I made it back alive. Why did he have to be standing right there when I came back? Why did I have to see him right away, couldn't it have just happened later? Oh and the surprise on his face as his eyes met mine. Have I changed so much Potter that you can't even recognize me? Do my eyes reveal so much? What did he read from me? The hate? The anger? The desire to kill him and bring the Dark Lord to power? Or did he look far enough into my soul that he was able to find the truth? Able to find me underneath this mirage I have be come?  
I guess I should start from the beginning, from the day I left. I was on the train, I knew what I had to do. I had been taught well by Snape to use my mind as a shield, as a weapon, as a mask. Sitting alone on the train I concentrated on my mindset, I had to program my mind and my very conscious to not only think but truly believe and feel exactly what the son of a death eater should feel. Hate was the first, and the easiest. I have spent my entire life hating others and more specifically hating Potter. I found it buried deeply in my conscious and I pulled it forth letting it overcome my entire reasoning. Desire was the second. The truest desire of a Death Eater is the success of the pure-bloods, and to assist the Dark Lord in rising to power.  
It was long trying work and it wasn't until I arrived at Platform 9 ¾ that I was fully comfortable in my new persona. I met with my families driver who then took me on the long drive home to Malfoy Manor. I was so exhausted that I slept most of the way, so drained I was from the excursion of my magic. When I arrived home it was very late and neither mother nor father were home which is not unusual. I went to my suite and promptly went to bed. The next morning I found that my things had been unpacked and I was all settled in. After a long shower I went to breakfast but dined alone.  
Two days after my return home one of our House Elves came to my room and informed me that my father wished to speak to me in his study. I had been anticipating this for a few days now, waiting for my punishment for my failure.  
I pulled my mental mask on over my true self , thoughts , and feelings and went down to the study. When I went in he was sitting behind his large desk. He looked the same as always, platinum hair combed perfectly down his shoulders, his expensive robes and suit displaying his business attitude. He did not acknowledge me for a long moment, he appeared to be reading something on his desk.  
"Sit." He said quickly not looking up at me. Then I sat in the chair before his large desk, concentrating on not thinking about what he would do to punish me for failing him. He looked up t me, eyes running over me completely as though searching for some flaw. He leaned back in his chair studying me.  
"Why did you break off your arrangement with Miss Parkinson?" he said in his cool tone as his eyes stared into mine like ice.  
"Because , Father…she was unfaithful." I said quickly, which is the truth, she had been with almost every Slytherin in our year. He raised an eyebrow at me before slamming his fist down on his desk making me jump and I looked at him.  
"Draco…You are the only heir to the Malfoy family line…the line must continue with pure blood. She was the purist of all of the females."  
"But father, it is not my fault if she went and dirtied herself with others." I said with a disgusted tone.  
"It does not matter!" he said in a loud voice, his eyes glaring , daring me to talk back against him again. "So long as she does not breed with any of them it will not hurt your blood line. I will write to her family to make sure that she stops this foolishness. You will re-establish the marriage agreement.—" I opened my mouth to scream my anger at the very idea, my hands clinching at my sides but I held my tongue, I knew better than to aruge with him espically over this subject.  
"Now…" he began leaning forward in his chair . I swallowed a bit. "Our lord has called for you. Tomorrow night you will go before him. And you will fulfill your heritage…and honor the name of Malfoy." He said proudly and I couldn't help but smirk a bit though inside I was shaking.  
"That is all." He said and then returned to his papers. I left his study, returned to my room. I didn't sleep that night, I remained on my window sil staring out into the falling snow. I wondered for a while what would happen …would I ever see Harry again? I know that if I never return his life will continue the same as always, his world will go on turning. Will he even think of the …kiss…? It was morning before I pulled myself together and forced my mind to return to it's shell. My undefined emotions hidden deeply. Christmas eve. At the time it didn't even phase me.  
The hours passed too quickly and by night fall I was ready , waiting. I dressed in black robes and a black cloak with a hood. A bit past mid night he came for me. Dressed as I feared he would be in his Death Eaters cloak and mask. I followed him from the house wordlessly.  
We walked through the snow, taking the same route as before to the port-key which then transported us not to the condemned house as before but to a large cemetery. In the distance I could see a large bon fire with dancing green flames and standing around it in a circle were the masked and hooded figures of the Death Eaters.  
When my father and I approached them he joined them in his place in the circle and pushed me forward closer to the flames. It was then that I noticed that I was not alone . Four other figures unmasked stood nearer the flames and though their hoods were up and covered their faces and their cloaks hung so that it was difficult to tell anything about any of them, from the bulk of two of the figures I knew Crabbe and Goyle were two of them, I could only guess that the others were other Slytherins who's parents were already in the ranks of Voldemort.  
Then he came before us. He was cloaked the same as his followers but his head was not masked or hooded. Everyone around him knelt in respect for their master, including myself. Though I could not see him I felt his snakelike blood red eyes upon me. Snape had once warned me that Voldemort's skills in occulmancy were so advanced that one could not detect weather or not he was inside your mind. This was a frightening concept. I concentrated on my emotions, what I should have been feeling; anticipation of what was to come , the desire to make my father proud, the hate for anyone unpure, and the desire to kill Harry Potter.  
I not only heard him laughing could I could feel it in my bones.  
"Welcome, my servants.." he began in his hiss like tone. I knew I was not to stand, but I heard and felt the Death Eater circle get to their feet. Their attention was on their master who walked around the five of us in the inner circle still upon our knees. "My most loyal today have given me their greatest offering…their children. The few who have sustained their trials are now before us. They have the desire to join us…my children." He stopped directly in front of me, I could see his robes though my head was lowered. I closed my eyes. "But …there is one among them who has already failed my commands…" I felt his hand on my shoulder , forcing me to rise. Once to my feet I kept my head lowered.  
"Lucius…come forward…" I felt my breath hitch a bit but I did not turn to see my father move from the circle. "You must punish your son for his failure…he must learn that failure is not acceptable."  
I didn't breath in that instant, I didn't hear the word come from my fathers mouth, I didn't see the light of the spell as it struck me. I only felt the pain. It is totally an indescribeable feeling, like having every bone broken in your body , like every pore on your flesh is being ripped open, like your head is caving in. I don't know if I screamed. I don't even know how long it was happening for. In my head I cried for my Father to stop. Cried for the pain to end, for my life to just end.  
I remember falling. There was a metallic taste in my mouth that I knew was blood. When I looked up there was a wand beneath my jaw and my eyes turned upwards to meet the blood red pair of Voldemort. "Answer wisely…Draco Malfoy…who do you serve?"  
"Y…you.." I coughed out immeditally. 

The next thing I remember I was being pulled to my feet from the grass by two pairs of strong arms. Someone was rolling up my sleeves. He stood before me and came closer, putting his hand on my chin and staring into my eyes. "Never fail me again." His hand touched my bare arm and fire erupted from his touch up my arm, through the bone , it felt as though it were being ripped from my body but I fought to not scream, to hold my tongue, to make my father proud. When it was over there was only the sickening high pitched laugher inside my head as I sank once more into the darkness of my subconscious.

When I woke it was morning and I had been returned to my room at Malfoy manner. For a brief sleep induced moment I believed it had all been a dream, a horrific one at that, but then an intense pain shot it was through the core of my arm which seemed to set off hundereds of hurt areas of my body all at once. I gasped, coughed for air, I was dizzy and my arm felt as though it would never move again. After finally calming myself I saw the bottle of blood replenishing potion on my nightstand along with few other unlabeled bottles. I was in and out of consciousness for the rest of the day. When I finally was well enough to get out of bed I saw a small stack of wrapped parcels at the foot of my king size bed and froze in surprise. I had forgotten about Christmas.  
Presents forgotten I went to take a shower. Undressing before my mirror I was unsurprised to see my entire torso racked with black and blue bruises. On my right side it looked as though I had suffered from several broken ribs but someone had repaired them and only the brusing remained. And of course….the skull and snake symbol that identifies me as one of his servants. I felt filthy, and no amount of cleansing would ever make it go away.  
I know this is my destiny, it has always been my destiny but why now that it has occurred is it incredibly hard to accept?  
I was given my orders by my father the day before I left for school. Written by my Lord.  
"_Continue to watch the enemy closely and report back all activities of him. Try if you can to get closer to him, be friend him if at all possible. He is weak now, use it to our advantage. You will be given more orders as time progresses. And remember, do not fail again."_  
I was slightly surprised, how does he expect me to get closer to someone who is suppose to be my enemy? No, I wont let this happen. I wont get closer to him. I am his enemy. I always have been. I can't let him get too close. This is too dangerous.  
When I returned to platform 9 ¾ I was joined by Pansy who instantly jumped me and hugged me. I pushed her away but not hard enough to make her fall and start a scene. She pouted and started talking on and on about how much she missed me and how glad she was that we were back together. After walking on to the train I turned to her, "Look…Just because my father is forcing me to marry a whore like you does not change the way I feel about you…why don't you just leave me alone?" I said between clinched teeth before going into an empty compartment and slamming the door in her face. About an hour later she, Crabbe, and Goyle joined me. Much to my annoyance.  
"What?" I asked coldly.  
"Draco…we were there…" Goyle said in a slow deliberate voice as though he had thought long and had about what he was going to say to me. He lifted up his sleeve and showed me his mark, which I didn't need to see of course. I glared at him and moved quickly to force his sleeve back down.  
"You FOOL!" I yelled. "What if someone were to see you? You can't go flashing that about!" I said in an angry tone taking my seat back. "You're going to get us into a hell of a lot of trouble, do you two idiots understand what Dumbledore would do if he found out? He would try and force us to give up information on our lord. Is that what you want?" I yelled. Both of the idiots shook their heads, Pansy however was leaning against the door with her arms crossed over her chest watching me as though impressed.  
"What are you leering at?" I asked her with a sneer.  
"Nothing…just thinking that it is good to have the old Malfoy back." She said with a smirk and my two body guards nodded in agreement. I rolled my eyes at her and went back to looking out the window.  
We returned to Hogwarts together in the same carriage, later joined by Blaise who did not say a word about the initation of the new death eaters and I was unsure weather or not he was one of the others who joined the ranks that night. Walking back towards the castle I saw him, more than that I could sense him and I knew the same was true for him. I concentrated on my mask of hatred, pulling it over my emotions , desires, and thoughts and focused on my pure loathing for the boy-who-lived. I know he felt it, I was projecting it strongly. I watched the color drain from his face, the surprise in his brilliant emerald eyes.  
I walked right past him, still projecting the anger and rage I had for him. My 'friends' and fellow Death Eaters surrounded me as I walked to the dungeons, protecting me their leader. Once in my room I collapsed on my bed for a while before writing this.  
Everything feels so surreal like a dream gone horribly wrong. I feel hollowed like something has been taken from me. I know my orders, to get closer to him. I know that I must stay as far away from him as possible, though if I fail my lord this time I know I will not escape with only a few bruises. I have to show them all how much I hate him, how I could never be close to him. I'm sorry Harry…it was too cruel of a thing to kiss you that day. Now you shall never understand why.


	16. Harry & Draco 3

Diary of Harry Potter

It has been a week since the end of Christmas Vacation and everyone's return to Hogwarts. Classes started again and again I fell into a fitted schedule of waking, practicing, making lessons for the D.A and potions. All seems pretty normal except for one thing, Malfoy.  
Things have actually gotten worse since his return; actually they are worse than they have ever been in the past five years. Back then it was only simple name calling, or small pranks to get on my nerves or make me angry, now he is out right attacking me!  
It started in Potions, or I should say after potions. During the entire class period he did not say a word to me, but some how he kept breaking things and getting them blamed on me. I kept my mouth shut however, I am use to Snape yelling at me over things I did not do and I refused to let him provoke me into an argument. But I hadn't noticed that the few Gryffindors in the potions class were getting mad at my misfortunes, and the fact that it was costing Gryffindor house points.  
When the class was over I packed up my things as slowly as possible, I was hoping, praying for an opportunity to talk to him, to say one word to him. But he left quickly and was beckoned by his group of friends outside the door to the dungeon. I followed him quickly, my pulse quickening as I saw Ginny, Seamus, Neville and several other members of the D.A waiting for me outside as well. This was bad and I knew it, like a two trains about to collide.  
I stepped out into the hall right behind Malfoy and watched as he joined his friends and then I joined my own, two sides of the hall way. Malfoy wasn't looking at me, and I was trying hard not to look at any of the Slytherins. But the same was not true for the rest of the people in our houses; each group was glaring directly at one another with anger, hate, and other strong and equally dangerous emotions.

"Oy, Potter….you really think that hiding behind that group of nobodies is going to save you?" A Slytherin boy called out from the left of Draco whose name I didn't know.

"Better than hiding behind the filthy mask of a Death Eater." Ginny said, pure anger over her features and I saw her reaching into her pocket for her wand.

"No." I said loudly and everyone's eyes turned to me, and though I wasn't looking at him I knew Drano's were on me as well. "I hide behind no one. These are my friends; they choose to stand beside me. Unlike your 'master' who gives you no choice." I said turning to face the Slytherins and furious silver eyes met mine.

"Shut your mouth, Potter. You talk about choices, ha! You think you have choices? Are you so thick as to think that Dumbeldore has let your strings go? No…you have picked the losing side, Potter." And with that Draco's wand was out and pointed at me, ten other wands flew from pockets and cloaks to be pointed at their chosen enemy. But I did not pull mine out.

"Losing side, eh?" Ginny said, her eyes glued to a Slytherin girl as though waiting for her to dare move.

I raised my empty hands, not in a threatening motion. "Come on, guys…." I said to my friends, "They're not worth it." Repeating the phrase Draco had said to his friends not two months ago standing outside the same room. Slowly, one by one the Gryffindors lowered their wands. But the Slytherins did not though I noticed a few glancing at Draco for a sign of what to do next. And then I turned my back to them.

"I'm sick of these games, _Stupefy_!" he shouted and then a spell was cast from every wand held by a Slytherin. The Gryffindors who had put their wand away gasped and I saw Neville put his body between Ginny and an oncoming spell.  
I hadn't needed to hear Draco's words to know he was planning on casting at me. I know him well enough by now. It didn't take much energy or thought to react to it.

"_Protego._" I muttered under my breath and suddenly just as the cast spells came to us they were reflected off of a large force field made up of my simple spell. Each spell flew back to its caster. I turned around back to face the Slytherins, many of them had dodged their spells but one or two had been stunned, knocked out, or petrified. Draco was on the ground but was quickly untangling himself from Goyle.

The Gryffindors behind me laughed at the scene before us, all of them had their wands out once more, though now they knew they could rely on me to protect them if someone else were to cast again.  
"Losing side? No…it's is all of you who have chosen the darkest path possible…and I promise you all…Voldemort will fail. And I swear, if I have to, I will take each one of you down with him." I said in a very cold tone. I turned and walked back through my small circle of friends heading back to the common room.

"Watch your back, Potter!" Malfoy yelled after me in an angry agitated tone.  
"No…Malfoy…that wont be necessary." I said coolly. I could feel his rage, he wanted to curse me, and I mean really curse me. And I found that I welcomed it. 'Come on,' I thought to myself more than to him, 'What are you afraid of?'

After that incident I found myself always surrounded by D.A members and Draco always surrounded by Slytherins as though preparing for another attack but the rest of the week went by smoothly.

Malfoy is quite most of the time, silently glaring at me with hate filled silver eyes, but still I sense something about him that is not quite right. Something like that of what I felt inside him before Christmas, as though deeply hidden within him is the real Malfoy. But why did he get so close only to pull away again? What happened! The question is driving me mad.  
I can't sleep…I hardly eat…I just keep trying to convince myself that it was all just a dream. That he was only using me that he got close and then tried to hurt me by returning to who he was. But I just can't make myself believe it.  
Ginny and Neville have been trying to distract me , though I haven't told them what is on my mind, they apparently know something is up. Ginny has tried several times to get me to 'loosen up' as she puts it, but I find that I am just not attracted to her as she is to me. I just can't bring myself to want her. I find my dreams wondering to a kiss I should have never received. Merlin, why does he haunt me so? Why can't I just let him go?

Diary of Draco Malfoy

I went walking tonight, as I do most nights, covered by my invisibility cloak. I walk for hours it seems, trying to make the hours pass. My mind wonders , depression can do that to a person. I don't know what made me go there…but I was there before I even realized where my feet had taken me. The place where I had found a door I had never seen before, half opened. The room where I found Harry Potter alone, almost like he was waiting. The secret room where I had foolishly pressed my lips to his.

I went there but the door had vanished but I pressed my invisible hand against the wall there as if praying that somehow the door would reappear and he would be there waiting inside for me. I know that I have to hate him, for my sake and for his. I have to stay away from him, but every part of me wanted him near wanted talk to him, to help him understand. So lost was I in the shallow grave of my mind that I did not sense him, but he had sensed me.

"Hello, Malfoy." He said in a soft whisper and I turned, though invisible, to stare in surprise at him. There he was, just …just standing there…watching me…I didn't know how he could see me but I know he could. His expression was placid, unemotional, and I could read nothing from him. I let my eyes move over him, he was dressed still in a black sweater , black pants , and a floor length black cloak. Surrounded by so much shadow for a moment I thought him an illusion his tan skin highlighted by the single torch on the wall and his dazzling jade eyes watching my invisible form from behind his glasses. He was such a sight that my breath caught and I nearly forgot to breath.

A hundred questions started going through my mind at top speed; what was he doing here? How did he find me? Did he feel me thinking about him? Was he reading me the entire time? Why is he here, alone, with me, again? Can he sense what I am feeling right now? How long we stood that way I do not know.  
These revelations startled me, I couldn't let him see, let him know….know what I am not sure…but I couldn't let him get close. With a flick of my hand I pulled off my hood and then had my wand pointed at him throwing my invisibility cloak over my shoulders and making myself seen.

His eyes moved to my wand and I saw a hint of sadness with in his green eyes as he tilted his head to one side.

"What do you want, Potter?" I asked in an icy tone after a few moments of silence between us. He took a step to me and I moved back, stepping into the wall behind me where there once was a door.  
"Why are you doing this?" he asked in a soft , sad whisper.  
"You are my enemy. If you are not here to fight me then you are a fool and good night!" I said but did not move away from the wall. How dare he corner me.

"Am I really your enemy?" he asked stepping once to the side and he broke eye contact with me. "Do you really want to fight with me? To be honest it's not a very wise decision…but I guess if it is what you want." He said turning back to face me, "Go ahead."

"What?"

"Go ahead…attack me…if it's what you want….go ahead." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm not a fool, Potter," I said, my wand had not wavered but my pulse was racing. Did he want me to attack him? And could I force myself to do so? "I was there too, you will just reflect anything I throw at you.

He shook his head, "No…I wont…maybe…maybe I want you to kill me?" he said slowly, then he took a step closer, and I had nowhere to go. "Maybe I just want it all to end, just like in the shrieking shack…when you found me…I wanted to die then." Another step, I had quit breathing by then , "Just like you wanted to die…that day In the hall…" my hands were shaking. He was too close, much to close, step…after step…until he was right in front of me…not a breath away.

"Go ahead…." He said, my wand was pointed directly at his chest, touching him.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"I screamed, and moved forward and pushed him hard away from me and he stumbled but he did not seem surprised.

Finally I was able to get away from the wall.

"What? Are you scared , Malfoy? Are you scared to attack me? Are you scared to kill me?" Harry said in a taunting voice, pulling himself to his feet slowly as I circled around him wand still directed at his chest.

"I'm not the one who is suppose to kill you!" I retorted and he smirked surprising me.

"Oh? I guess that means you're afraid you can't….you probably aren't strong enough…." He laughed, a cold low , mocking laugh which filled me with a rage so great that I shook with it's force. He must have noticed the change for his cynical expression returned to that of the placid mask he had earlier. "Isn't this what you want? The opportunity to kill the one person who stands in the way of Volemort coming to power? To serve your fathers master? To make your family proud?" he asked in the same mocking tone.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT I WANT!" I screamed at him. How dare he presume to know anything about me...I didn't mean for it to happen...but it did...it slipped between my lips as easily as air, "_Avada Kedevra! _" I shouted loudly and my mind screamed its indignation. I instantly felt the spell surge forth from the core of my magical being and burst forth from the end of my wand. Dazzling, blinding , green light flashed before my eyes ...reminding me of his eyes...the light slammed into the chest of Harry Potter and with a soft sigh from his parted lips he collapsed to the marble floor.

"No." I said aloud softly to myself , my head shaking a bit. "No...No!"

I kept saying over and over, stepping ever closer to him until finally I ran to his side. "Noo...oh...Merlin...no..." I begged. I hadn't realized tears were streaming down my face as I fell to his side. My wand forgotten beside me , I slowly reached forward and touched his arm. He was so warm, even through his sweater he radiated heat. What had I done.

"Please...no..." I had killed him, I killed the one person I had been trying to protect. It was all over, all of it...until I heard the sweetest, softest sound I think my ears will ever hear.  
"D...Draco..." his voice, soft...nothing more than a harsh whisper. And then he moved!

I stared wide eyed at his body on the floor beside me, too shocked and stunned to move and to afraid that if I blinked he would have returned to the world of the dead. As though painfully he slowly rolled over so that I could see his face contorted with pain. Then he opened his eyes, his beautiful eyes that a moment ago I feared I would never see again. Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks as he moved into a sitting position in front of me.  
"H...how?" I stuttered and to my surprise a small smile formed over his lips. He reached, before I thought to stop him, with a hand and carefully, daringly smoothed a tear from my cheek. My body shuddered at that contact and I closed my eyes for a moment and leaned into his touch. He tilted his head to one side, his eyes locking with mine.  
"You can't kill someone...unless...you truly mean it..." he said and before his words even sank into my mind he leaned forward and in an instant his lips were upon mine. I couldn't help but sigh and lean into the kiss, adding pressure of my own to his heated delicate lips. My eyes closed of their own accord and I lost myself to his sweet lips. I felt hot, my head was light and dizzy and I lost all hold on time. Beneath my lips I felt his part only slightly as though fearful I would pull away at any moment, he had no idea that I couldn't pull away even if Voldemort himself were standing there commanding me to do so.  
Another sigh escaped me as his shockingly warm wet tongue smoothed over my lips as though silently asking permission to venture further, which I granted without hesitation. He tasted like chocolate and mint...as though he had brushed his teeth and then stolen himself a treat...his tongue swirled over mine in a slow dance. It was deliciously teasing and I couldn't help but want more of the sweet kisses that I had been remembering for the past two weeks. Slowly I slipped my arm around his waist, drawing nearer and suddenly he gasped and broke his lips from mine. For an instant I was too stunned and disappointed from the loss of his lips against mine that I didn't realize why he had pulled away.

"You're hurt!" I said in surprise , finally coming to my senses and seeing his face contorted in pain. To my surprise he chuckled a bit.  
"I said you couldn't kill me...but you can definitely hurt me...I must have really hit a nerve." he said wincing again. I still had my arm around him with no intention of moving away.  
"We should get you to the infirmary. "I said starting to help him stand.  
"Ha...right...'Yes ...sorry he just happened to slip and said the wrong unforgivable curse' that would go over really well." he smirked at me, most of his weight leaning against me.  
"Well then what do you suggest then?" I said in a dry tone, he did have a point however much I didn't want to admit it.  
"Help me...we need to walk past this wall five times..."  
"Are you sure I didn't alter your brain when I hit you?"  
He laughed again but this time choked a bit and was gasping for breath and leaning heavily on my shoulder. I looked up into his face with a worried expression and he opened his eyes and smiled softly down at me.  
"I'll be fine...just please. trust me."  
Trust. Now there is a concept. I don't remember the last time I actually trusted anyone. But regardless of weather or not I believed him I did oblige him and we began walking up and down the hall way. I watched him closely, making sure he wasn't going to black out.  
After the fifth lap, I was about to say something about his mental state again when the door appeared.  
"How did you...?"I started.  
"My little secret." he said with a wink as I lead him over to the door and opened it. Once inside I was startled to see how the room had changed. No longer was there a large round table with bookshelves and pillows but there was a rather large four poster bed and next to it was a table filled with small bottles and jars. To the left there was a small roaring fire and the room was nicely warm. I lead him over to the bed, careful not to hurt him anymore than I had already.  
"I still think you should go see the nurse." I said walking over to the table with the bottles.  
"Right...I'll take that into...-gasp- consideration..." he said and I turned at the sound of his pained gasp only to see that he had taken his sweater and cloak off and now sat half dressed on the bed. He wasn't looking at me but at a small bruise on his left side and I was frozen in place staring at his lean muscular torso.  
"Hand me that purple one..." he said motioning to the table in front of me.  
"Excuse me, but I think I know which potions to give you." I asked in a dry tone, but I was trying to keep my eyes off of him.  
"You sure you're not going to poison me?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and a small smile.  
"Really now...I am not the one failing potions."  
"I am not failing." he said with a small glare.  
"Take this, you bloody stubborn Gryffindor." I said tossing him a green bottle of pain numbing elixir.  
After pulling several other things and mixing a few I moved slowly back to the bed beside him, even from a few inches away I could feel the heat radiating from his half nude form.  
"Here." I said offering him the potions which he took without hesitation and I wondered if he trusted me not to poison him or if he had been watching what I had added to them. In a small bowl I had mixed a few ingredients to form a pain reliever and something to ease his bruises.  
"Lay back." I whispered after swallowing uncomfortably and moving to sit beside him on the bed. He complied laying back with a small wince.  
My hand was shaking as I took some of the newly made ointment and then brought it to his heated skin. He gasped and I looked at him, but instead of pain he had a smile over his features and was biting his lower lip. "Cold..." he explained and I smiled at him in return.  
Slowly I massaged, as carefully as possible, into his bruised side. Beneath my fingers his flesh felt wonderfully soft and warm. I watched as my hand moved how the paleness of my hand contrasted with the tan of his skin. Not meaning to my touch deviated from it's original intention and moved up his smooth abdomen. My hands shook slightly , it was so amazing to me how soft he was, how warm...how the touch warmed me.  
"Draco..." he whispered softly, his voice was slightly husky and filled with emotion and I looked up in surprise to his face. I felt a flash of heat tremor through me as I saw his eyes, watching me, lids half closed, and their color! They had changed from a jade to a dark forest green that intrigued and delighted me. My hand stopped, lifting from his flesh as though I was afraid of what I was doing all of a sudden. With reflexes so defined I didn't even see him move his hand held my wrist.  
"Don't...you don't have to stop..." his voice was quivering and I saw the fear of rejection in those beautiful eyes. My breath deepened at the idea that this was something more than I had ever dreamed of. He was afraid of losing me...and I had learned not fifteen minutes ago how truly terrified I was of losing him. My hand moved up his other side and I moved to hover slightly over him, ointment forgotten. Slowly, as though waiting for him to tell me to stop, I leaned down to him and kissed him.  
A wave of delight and intense heat spread through me once more as our lips moved together and our tongues danced slowly. I felt him reach an arm around me and slowly lower me to him and I rested my chest against his. I could feel his warmth through my clothing and with out warning a soft hardly audible moan came from my throat and I realized for the first time how much I was physically aroused by him. That was when I broke away.

This was all happening too fast, it was too much. Not to mention the fact that I was suppose to be trying to keep away from him! Getting close to him is what they want me to do...what the Dark Lord wants me to do. I broke the kiss and looked down at him breathlessly. His dark eyes watched me through their half closed lids. My lips felt as though they were throbbing, begging for more of his sweet kisses. I rested my brow against his and attempted to catch my breath.  
"H..Harry..." I started and had to clear my throat, for my own voice was quite husky with the tell-tell signs of arousal. "This...is ..very dangerous." I finally said closing my eyes tightly. His arms tightened around me, warm delicate hands moving up my back and neck and I shuddered. I felt him nod once and I lifted my head to look down at him. His eyes met mine as one of his hands move up to cup my cheek. "I know...," he said in a sad way, his eyes roaming over my entire face, lingering hungrily on my lips. "I...Draco..I can't...I just...I don't..." he shook his head a tear rolling down his cheek beneath his glasses, "I don't care." He finally said and pulled me down to him and finally I let go...and surrendered to him.


	17. Falling and Burning

Okay, I am sorry this took so long but I was having trouble wording it in a way that was with in the ratings, but I think I may have failed miserably. Be warned what follows is an extremly sexual situation. DO NOT CONTINUE READING if you are: offended by homosexual sex, situations, or sex at all. This is a very graphic chapter. If you are offended by all means e-mail me and I will apologize but I did warn you.  
For the rest of you, enjoy!

PhantomWriter

(RATED R! Not suggested for Christians:-p )

* * *

Diary of Draco Malfoy (continued)

As I lay there atop him, our chests pressed together and lips locked in a passion filled kiss I felt him trembling beneath me. I broke the kiss and looked down into his eyes once more, knowing my features revealed my own passion and desire , matching his. Harry's eyes looked into mine as though wondering why I pulled my lips from his.  
"Are you alright…you're shaking." I said in a soft whisper that continued to express my arousal with a husky tone. He nodded and closed his eyes for a moment, a light red flush appearing on his cheeks.

"I've never…done this…with a boy…I mean…" he began the red hue on his cheeks growing brighter and he adverted his eyes from mine.

"It's alright…neither have I." I said with a soft smile and planting a light kiss on his lips, a kiss that he returned and deepened. I felt him moan softly in his throat and I felt a surge of overwhelming emotions at that sound, knowing that he was enjoying our kisses as much as I was.

His arms that were around me shifted a bit and I felt the fabric of my shirt being pulled slowly from the waist of my pants. His hands were shaking, as though afraid I would ask him to stop. Once he had it un-tucked enough he slid both of his hands beneath it and smoothed up the sensitive skin of my back, his finger tips lightly running along my spine and causing a delightful chill to course through me. I moaned into his sweet mouth and the dance of our tongues quickened. So new, so forbidden was this touch to us both that it was exceedingly more delicious than anything I had ever experienced.

The heat between us grew to an intense level and I wanted, needed my clothes off. I sat up, breaking the kiss, and earning a soft whimper from Harry, who watched me with a strange hunger in his eyes as I pulled my shirt from my torso. His jaw slackened a bit as his eyes ran over me and I felt extremely shy for perhaps the first time in my life. His shaking hands at my waist slowly moved up my sides in a daring caress, fingertips just barely grazing my skin in a teasing and sensual way. I closed my eyes as both his hands touched and explored my newly revealed chest. Then he stopped, his hands left me and I opened my eyes to see him staring at my arm…at the skull and snake symbol on my pale skin, his eyes were wide with shock , surprise , and anger.

"You…you're a Death Eater!" he said loudly unable to tear his eyes away from my arm. I felt all color drain from my face, how could I have forgotten about it? How could I have been that stupid, now he was angry. I moved off of him and the bed, covering the evil symbol with my hand and looking away from him.

"Why didn't you tell me!" he asked, I could tell he was trying to keep his temper under control.

"I told you this was dangerous." I said in a cold tone, trying to hide the fact that now I was the one shaking. I had gotten so near to him, my body was still reeling from the shock of having lost the warmth of his body against mine.

"How long have you been working for him?" he asked me as he stood from the bed and took a step near me.

"It's none of your business." I said in the same tone, and as soon as I said the words I regretted them, knowing they were the wrong ones.

"None of my business! You've been working for the darkest wizard known to the world who just so happens to want to destroy me…and it's none of my business?" He said between clinched teeth only a step away from yelling at me.

"Yeah so what! You think I am the only one here working for him? I tried to keep away from you…I tried to hate you, make you hate me! You're the one who had to follow me, keep chasing after me!" I said , a hot tear falling down my cheek . I kept thinking that I should have never let it get that far, I should have just left when I had seen him in the hall.

"Why did you join him?" he asked in a calmer tone as though he had taken what I had just said into heavy consideration.

"I had to! You think I had a choice? Look at who my father is, look at who I am, Harry!" I yelled turning to face him , my entire body was shaking with the forceful emotions of anger and rejection that raced within my mind. I moved around him and grabbed my forgotten shirt from the floor and began pulling it back on, Harry was now on the other side watching me as though deep in thought. I wanted nothing more in that moment that to escape, to hide from the emotion in his eyes. I could read them now more than ever before and this time I wished I couldn't, I saw the sadness , the disappointment, anger and fear wondering through his mind as he stared at me.

"Look, just stay away from me, Potter." I said, now dressed, and headed for the door. My chest hurt, it was as though it was hard to breath, like suffocating…like the moment I had left for Christmas break…thinking I would never see him again. Right then I never wanted to see him again, I didn't want him to judge me because of something I had no control over, and now I knew that he would never be able to trust me. I had become the one thing that he despises the most.

Just as my hand touched the door knob, "I'm sorry." He whispered and I froze wondering if I had imagined it. Then he walked to the fire place and stood standing infront of it, when I turned to look at him I was startled by how strong yet sad he looked there with the flames highlighting his muscular chest and flickered in his eyes.

"I'm sorry….I should have let you explain…it's just…oh Draco… I'm so frightened of you." He said in a heartbroken voice his eyes not moving from the dancing flames.

"You…should be…" I whispered wincing at my own words and at how cold my voice sounded.

"Not…not because you're a Death Eater." He said with a small shake of his head and I blinked wondering what else he could fear from me. I saw a quiver run through his from and he closed his eyes against it and took a long, deep breath before continuing, "I'm scared of losing you…I realized that when you left for Christmas…I was so frightened I would never see you again…that I would never hear your voice, look into your eyes. I couldn't breathe right with out you here. You have no idea how relieved I was when you came back alive."

I honestly couldn't believe what he was saying to me as though it didn't make any sense. Why would he care so much, just because of a small kiss?

"Draco you have been one of the very…very few constant things in my life…no matter what happened you have always been there. And when I thought I was losing you, it hurt so badly… just wanted to die. I didn't want to think that you were anything like your father…I didn't want to think that you really hated me, that you wanted to be a death eater…I didn't want to think that you…that you were working for him the entire time. I feel like you have slowly become a part of me…"

I was silent, too shocked to move or to say anything, but his words were striking, like a blow to my mind. I think I stopped breathing.

"I guess what I am trying to say is that I am frightened…that I am starting to …that I'm falling in love with you…and there is nothing I can do about it." He said in such a soft voice that I thought I dreamed it. I saw tears running down his cheeks and I felt the powerful urge to run to him and comfort him, to tell him that I was sorry for hurting him, sorry for not telling him.

My mind was rejecting the very idea, how could he ever possibly love me? I'm a Slytherin, a Death Eater, a Malfoy! How was it possible? But even as I stood there watching his shaking form I felt similar emotions with in my own heart, which scared me beyond anything I thought possible. No, I can't be falling for him, and he can't be falling for me…it's just not right! It's not…it can't be.

I walked to him slowly, his back facing me, and carefully slid my arms around his waist. A felt and heard a sob come from his lips as I pressed myself against his back and rested my cheek against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" I whispered, my tears falling from my cheek and to his warm skin. Suddenly he turned to face me and in an instant crushed his lips against mine. Oh, how the desparation with in that kiss held me. Such need and pure longing was spoken to me through that simple act, troubles me even now as I write this. Our hot tears streaming down to meet our joined lips added to the bittersweet taste of his mouth. His strong arms encircled my waist drawing my body flush against his.

His arousal had not lessened since his discovery of my Dark Mark and as we clung to one another I felt his erection press against my front and my own against him. That slight touch sent electric waves pulsing through me , my head falling back with a strangled gasp as his lips grazed my throat. Thoughts evaded me and my knees felt weak as though I was going to fall.

"Har-rry…!" I whimpered as my hands on his back kneeded into his flesh suggestively, his hands working my shirt off once more. Without my even realizing what he was doing he had slid a hand slowly between our bodies and rubbed his palm over the bulge in the front of my pants. Never has anyone's touch alone nearly brought me to the edge, or sent such intensely pleasurable waves running through me. My hips pushed forward closer to his hand of their own accord . I know if he had not been holding me up I would have fallen as he inexpertly unbuttoned and unzipped my pants.

A last flicker of alarm went off somewhere in the back of my mind, as though some how this was extremely wrong, but I was too far gone to pay any attention to it. I wanted him , as much as he wanted me , and when he gently smoothed his fingers down between the silk of my boxers and touched his shaking hand to my pulsing sex I knew , without a shadow of a doubt, that this was more than right…it was perfect.

His hand felt rough and warm against the extremely soft and sensitive skin as he wrapped his fingers around me and gave a light, experimental stroke of my shaft. How can any one thing be so sensual? So wonderfully exciting and pleasing that it had me, the once "Slytherin-sex-god", writhing and moaning against Harry Potter!

"Please…." I choked out between an incoherent moans, "…I'm going to fall.." I said as I nearly crumbled into his arms. His lips broke away from my throat and his hand left my throbbing shaft causing me to whimper in mild frustrated lust. He looked down into my eyes as his other arm swept around me and crushed me back against him, jade orbs swam over my face as though adoring each part for a small moment until finally he returned his lips to mine.

His hands pushed my pants from my waist then slid slowly down my sides to smooth down my skin and in a nervous fashion push my boxers to join them. With an arm around my waist he broke the kiss and quickly pulled my shirt over my head after moving away from my clothes on the floor I realized I was in his arms completely naked against him and I shivered.

As though sensing my distress and possibly reading my shiver as been chilled , when in reality my body had never felt so fevered, he guided me back to the bed and slowly, while kissing me deeply pressed me down upon it. Naturally my legs separated to allow him to kneel between them and hover over me, his chest only an inch from mine as he swirled his tongue with mine.

Some how his hand was suddenly around my sex again and he instantly began moving his hand up and down around me and I broke the kiss to gasp and groan in surprise and delight. 'Since when did he become an expert at this?' I remember thinking, my last real thought for a while, as his kisses and small delicate nips at my throat caused my back to arch and hips to push back in time with his rough strokes.

It was too much all of it. His touch was too hot, too fast…so incredibly good. My hands gripped the sheets beneath me.

"Draco….." he moaned against my neck , he was breathing hard, as was I, his voice sent a striking blow to my control and I toppled over the edge and into a blissful orgasm my seed spilling forth over my abs. His stroaking slowed but did not stop, ensuring that I finished , pulsing my hot liquid onto his hand. Slowly I returned from the after shock of my release and opened my eyes to find him watching me, the darken color of his eyes unchanged and the hunger held within them sent a chill down my spine.

"You…you're so beautiful…." He said while blushing , either from extreme arousal or slight embarrassment at his compliment. His hand released my now overly sensitive member and he pulled back off of me to let his eyes wonder over my full naked form. A year ago I would have never even dreamed of laying on a bed nude willingly for anyone's observation, but right then under his gaze I didn't care, I wanted him to see me, most of all I wanted him to like what I looked like. I closed my eyes, it was like I could feel his emerald gaze caressing my body. I know that if it were possible my entire body would have blushed and I was great full that the fire only provided enough light to offer a golden glow.

I felt him leave the bed and for a brief moment I was alarmed that he was leaving, but as I opened my eyes I saw him undoing his own pants and I watched his hands in fixed intrigue. I saw them shaking slightly as they worked at the task of undressing him. I wanted to speak to him, to say something reassuring , but I was too frozen by the unveiling of the lower half of his body.

I nearly moaned just at the foreign sight as he pushed his clothes from his waist to the floor and exposed his erect manhood. My eyes followed the thin trail of black hair that ran from his navel in a line to his crotch and they went slightly wide as they traveled lower.

He stood there for a long moment for my observation and I drank in the sight of every part of him. I never would have thought that seeing another boy naked would arouse me, but Harry standing there in aroused perfection caused my sex to throb. The fires soft glow highlighted and shaded his tanned skin and his muscles seemed etched like a Greek sculpture. Looking up into his eyes I found him watching me, the hunger again, the lust, I felt like prey to a lion, and I wanted nothing more than for him to devour me.

I needed him near me, I wanted to touch him , as he had touched me. I couldn't speak my desire, my voice failed me, so I reached a hand out to him. Accepting it he moved back on top of me, my legs once again spreading to allow him to rest on me and for the first time our bare erections touched and we both gasped and our hips grinded against one another for a brief moment. Our lips met in a fast, hot kiss, and my arms sipped around him, pressing him down to me, his chest pressed against mine and the heat grew to a dangerous level.

After what seemed like hours of kissing and hot bodies grinding against each other in search of unidentified completion he pulled back, a thin like of sweat had formed over his brow and I brushed his bangs from his brow to show the lightening bolt scar beneath it. He began to say something but then I tilted my head and pressed my wet lips to it an he sighed softly in response.

"Draco…." He started in his soft husky tone, "I…I don't know how to…I just want you….I …" he said in a painfully frustrated and aroused voice as he tried to regain his breath. Though I had never had sex with a boy I had a general idea of what occurred, at least I figured as much.

"Here…" I said as I brushed my finger tips down his back and sides and he lifted his weight from me to rest on his knees and hand, his aroused sex straining between us. I bent my knees and spread my legs further, blushing as he watched me guide his hand between them to find my entrance buried between my warm cheeks. With a small nervous nod he took the initative and began to massage a digit against my tight starburst of muscles. I shuddered violently.

"Are you alright?" he asked in a concerned tone. All I could do was nod slightly and pull him down to kiss me again. He added pressure gradually as his hips began to thrust slowly and softly forward and I found myself relaxing despite the sour nervousness in the pit of my stomach.

He must have felt it for just then he pushed single digit through my tight barrier and partially inside me. I gasped, breaking the kiss , as slightly painful and a new indescribable sensation rushed from that point of my body throughout. Every part of my body suddenly felt overly sensitive, and the shock wave excited and frightened me but his lips were there, kissing me sweetly down my throat. He whispered words that I couldn't identify but the tone of his voice and the sweep of his breath over caused me to relax. His invading digit pushed further into my puckered opening until it was as far as possible.

"Draco….if you…ever want me to stop…just say so…if you don't like anything I do.." he whispered and I could hear the restraint in his voice and felt him shuddering above me. I think I must have nodded for suddenly he slid his hand back and a loud yell erupted from me. It was like a ragged fire burning me from the inside and threatening to overwhelm my entire body. My body curled up as though trying to escape him , arching back, but it only managed to impale myself against his hand but instead of a exclaiming in pain or discomfort I moaned as an intense pleasurable sensation replaced the pain.

"Oh….!" Came from my lips and my arched and my hips pushed back against his hand. Then he began moving his finger inside me, testing my reactions to each new place, bend, and speed. Soon I was writing against him , crying out incoherently as my hands kneeded into his back and ran through the thick black locks of his hair.

The muscles around his thrusting finger had slackened and my entrance was slick with moisture. He was breathing hard into my throat between kisses, his exploration of my canal having extremely aroused him and I felt the needed and lust radiating from him.

"Draco…I need you…please…let me be inside you …" he begged heatedly, his hand already leaving my now puckered opening, his hips pressing his erection against my hip. My heart was racing ,my body shaking violently, but I knew I needed him too…and after the intense pleasures his finger had caused I wondered at what was to come with him inside me. I gave a small nod and he bent to kiss me deeply and all to quickly the tip of his sex was at my moist entrance. I froze, waiting for the pain I expected, and a whimper escaped me.

Slowly he pushed the head of his member through my tight ring of muscles and a second pained yell emitted from me, my arms clung to him , savage fire erupted from the point of his entrance. He stopped, not going any further, and brought a hand to brush my hair from my sweaty brow. We were both shuddering, me with the force of the pain of my muscles stretching around his rigid sex and him from the force of controlling his lust. After a long moment I felt my body adjusting, muscles relaxing and I gasped.

With a swift thrust of his hips my world was turned inside out, all thought left me when he filled me. A short scream came from me and my back arched and sent him deeper inside me. He gasped and groaned, his body tense with his fading restraint.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't" he began, his head shaking softly, he hadn't meant to go so fast he didn't want to hurt me. He began to pull out and I nearly screamed again and clung tightly to him.

"No! Wait…!" I whimpered against him. The ravage heat of where his body and mine where joined felt as though it was going to rip me in half, but it was the thought of him inside me, being a part of me that sent a delicious torrent of an unknown sensation riveting with in me. Instantly I realized that I now knew what it meant to be complete, to be whole. It was a heart wrenching revelation; that his body belonged as part of mine, that now forever I would be tied to him…and forever I would want him.

"Oohh…" he groaned loudly, and I realized he could feel me relaxing around him. He could feel every part of me, just as I could feel every inch of him. He must have lost a touch of his control for his shaking form jolted a bit, his hips very slowly eased backwards and pulled his sex slowly from me causing the delicate tissue of my insides to drag against his shaft and we both gasped. It was the most incredible and indescribable pleasure and so intensely hot that I knew I wouldn't last too long.

"Harry…..!" I gasped. He was breathing hard and I looked up to see his face contorted in a mix of extreme pleasure and restraint.

"Oh my god…Draco…" he cried out, his head tossing back and he pushed back inside me, reaching further than before. His hands moved to my hips, his lips brushed over mine but we were too breathless and wrapped up in the pleasures or connection created to kiss one another.

Ever so slowly he began moving in and out of my slick entrance at a gradually quickening pace. Wave after intense wave shook me and soon I was writhing in uncontrollable ways. His voice joined mine with light husky moans and grunts. When his pace grew slightly faster I gasped, suddenly it was all too much. He was too deep , it hurt too much, there was too many feelings , sensations, to register. The escasty that flooded me now frightened me and I cried out in alarm.

"Harry…wait…ugh…oh…" was all I got out before his thrusting became extremely deep, his moans regular. And then it happened, his hands on my hips pushed me into his hard thrust and the head of his sex touched somewhere inside me so sensitive that I couldn't distinguish pain from pleasure as I was forced into climax. He didn't stop there, as though he was assured by my cries of my enjoyment of that movement that he grinded against me.

"Ahh…..Dra—co…" he moaned loudly, he gasped out between moans then his words melded with his expressions of pleasure. I know I screamed his name over and over, I felt out of control, drunk with the pleasures he was causing my body. He gasped and with a yell he announced his own release. I opened my eyes just in time to see the wave of expressions over his features but as his hot seed exploded within me I could no longer hold my eyes open for the heat of it shocked me. His body shook with the force of his release and his thrusts slowed and finally stopped. He collapsed atop me, my arms loosely around him brushed slowly over his sweat lined skin.

We shuddered together after laying there for a long time, both of us trying to return to reality from the orgasm. Carefully he lifted his head to look down at me and gave me the best gift in the world, a small satisified smile and the loving expression in his eyes. He brushed sweat from my brow and cupped my cheek with his hand , he looked as though he wanted to say something but couldn't…and I was too relaxed and exhausted to speak.

At some point he pulled himself from inside me. I might have been dreaming but I think he muttered a spell to clean us of the sticky substances covering our abs and the inside of my legs, then said aloud that he needed a blanket and one appeared. He moved from me and lay beside me, pulling me into his arms and against his chest, and covered us with the silk sheet. I tried to tell myself to stay away, to savor every after effect of the moment but sleep gradually took me. In the moments before that I experienced an overall feeling of contentment, of a happiness that I had only dared to dream of. For the first time in my life I felt as though I was exactly where I was meant to be.


	18. Diary of Ginny Weasley

Diary of Ginny Weasley

Dear Diary,

You wont believe what I saw just now! I was following Harry again, like I do most nights since I found out that he sneaks out of his room every night to go walking around the school. Normally he just wonders for a bit , sometimes going outside and walking around the grounds, but tonight when I followed him down the corridor I felt something was different. Like he had some preplanned destination and I was a bit surprised when he headed down the hall where the door to the Room of Requirement is. I normally stay a good distance behind him so he wont see me, so it wasn't until later , after waiting for a while, and when I saw the bright flash of terrifying green light illuminate the hall that I tip-toed close enough to actually see him around the corner.

There he was, laying on the ground, kissing Draco Malfoy! I'm surprised I didn't scream at the sight, Merlin knows I wanted to, I guess I was too stunned. Why was he kissing him? I can't even begin to explain the horror I felt at seeing them like that. The only thing I could rationalize is that Malfoy had somehow bewitched my Harry. I watched them for a while, until after they disappeared into the Room of Requirement, Harry looked like he was hurt badly and I wanted to race out to face them both and try and get Harry away from the Slytherin demon but I had forgotten my wand! How stupid can I get!

I know that the one time Harry and I made love really meant nothing because we did it as friends who just needed physical comfort, that much I have accepted. He never came to me, he never asked me out, he's never really shown any real interest or affection towards me other than treating me like a sister. Other than that night that is. But still how could he want to kiss him! He's the one who raped Hermione. He is the one who was helping Umbridge all last year. They have been enemies since the day they met! This has to be some sort of mind game that Voldemort is playing with Harry. I know that Malfoy has to be working as a Death Eater, I know he just wants to get closer to Harry. To lead him into a trap or hurt him emotionally like they tried to do when they kidnapped Hermione.

I wont let him do it. I know that if this is a spell or a trap then Harry probably wont listen to me, and I know he would be furious if he were to find out that I was following him. I have to do something about this but I don't know what. I can't tell anyone else, they would hate Harry and think he betrayed them if they knew he was with Malfoy. Not that I can blame them. I feel my share of betrayal as well, but Harry is in a bad state right now and it's easy for anyone to take advantage of him. Some how I have got to show him how evil Malfoy really is. Then maybe I can get Harry to come back to us, to me.

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter 

I woke with him in my arms today! Draco Malfoy was asleep in my arms! I had dreamed all night that what had happened the evening before had not been some illusion or cruel trick played by my mind and when I woke warm , comfortable, and more relaxed than I think I have ever been in my entire life I was pleasantly surprised. I opened my eyes to see him cuddled against my chest , his arm around me , and snoring lightly. I know if it were possible my heart would have melted. He looked so peaceful. His hair was cutely ruffled telling of the deeds of the night before.

I brushed my finger tips over his cheek and slowly he woke with small groan.  
"Wake up …Draco…" I whispered very softly not wanting to startle him, but I did and he jumped a bit and his eyes snapped open to look at me in surprise. For a brief moment I feared he had forgotten everything that had happened but his eyes softened and he did not pull away from me. I felt his mild confusion as the memories of the night before returned to him followed by a sense of amazement, mild concern, and a touch of fear. He adverted his eyes from mine and rested his head on my chest.  
"Are you alright?" I asked in the same whispering voice. He nodded lightly against me.

"I should get back." He said after a moment and in response I tightened my arms around him, I didn't want him to leave yet but I knew he was right, someone would be missing him soon.

He pulled away from me and slid slowly out of the bed he stopped for a minute as though he had forgotten that he was nude and was deciding weather or not to be embarresed or not. I had to admit that I had forgotten as well but I was not disappointed in my forgetfulness as I was allowed a moment to look over his body once more. It's so surprising to me how only seeing his body could arouse me, but it did. I watched him for a long time as he found his clothes by the fire place and began to pull them on.  
"Are you going to be okay? " I asked after dragging my vision from his distracting body and forced myself out of bed. I heard a short intake of breath as I did so and I looked up to find him staring at me,  
"what? " I asked in alarm.  
"Nothing….I just didn't see you well…in the light last night…" he said under his breath and I could tell he was fighting back a blush. I found my pants on the floor by the side of the bed and slowly pulled them on.

"Yeah…I know what you mean…" I said after finding my shirt and moving over to him by the fire place. He was already fully dressed not counting shoes , when I pulled him into my arms. It was so easy to have him near such a warming and calming sensation of having him in my arms and I sighed in contentment as he rested his head against my shoulder.  
"Harry…what…what are we? " He asked in a fearful and confused tone.  
"What do you mean? "

"I…us …this right now….what are we? Lovers? Boy-friends? Enemies who happen to sleep together?"  
"What do you want us to be? " I asked after thinking about his question. I didn't know what I wanted us to be, I had already confessed that I felt as though I was falling in love with him the night before, but what did that mean in relation to us being together I didn't know.

"I…I don't know. But…no one can know about this. " he looked up into my eyes seriously. "No one! If it gets back to my house then I am as good as dead. In fact I know I will be. "

"I know…I promise…I wont tell anyone." I said just as seriously planting a small kiss on his lips. "But what about…you being a death eater…are you…are you still going to do what they tell you do to."

He pulled away from me and turned his back to me, "I have to." He said in a cold tone after a minute. "Harry I have already failed him once, if I don't do what they want me to do then next time I wont be coming back. Which is why no one can know. "

I wanted to yell at him, tell him that I didn't want him working for him. To come over to my side and be with me, to help me but I knew it would be even more dangerous, and it would risk him losing his family. I didn't even know how he felt about me, how could I have asked him to give up his family for me?

"What do you propose we do then?" I asked sadly. He turned and looked at me.

"Anything you do, anything that happens between you and the Slytherins, anything I see in front of other Slyterins I have to write and tell my father."

"And…things they don't see…like last night?" I asked taking a step closer to him.

"I wont….I wouldn't…." he said shaking his head.

"It's okay…" I whispered once again pulling him into my arms, this time he wrapped his own around me and hugged me tightly.

"I have to go." He said suddenly then pulling away.

"When can I see you again?" I asked quickly. He stopped at the door.

"I don't know….we'll see.." he said before walking out the door. I sighed and finished dressing. What was I doing here? How had everything that happened last night happened! What on earth is going on? How can I have such strong feelings for a boy? I didn't even know sex with another boy was possible, well I guess I got proven wrong last night.  
I didn't see Draco for the rest of today, it's late now and I wonder if I should sneak out of the tower again tonight and see if he is out doing the same, but last night I could have sworn I felt someone following me, I just hope no one saw anything.

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter

I did it! I actually did it! I didn't think I would ever get it but I did! It's so …for lack of a better word…COOL! Man, I don't think I could have gotten a better form if Merlin himself had chosen it for me! I don't know how I thought of it, or how I knew what it would be when I was with Mcgonogal this morning but some how this time when I close my eyes and thought about Draco. About the hunger he pulls forth from inside me that ravages my spirit and mind in a savage way I felt it, I felt my ani-magus form! Oh I have to go, I'll write more later.

(Later)

Why is it that every time I think things are starting to turn around and go in the right direction everything starts falling apart? I finally get closer to Draco in more ways than I had ever hoped for, I finally mastered my Ana-magus, and now this has to happen!

Today was Saturday, and it just happened to be a Hogsmead weekend , so I and half the school over third year went to the little village. I've always liked going there, it's like a small escape from the cold stone of the castle. I went with Ginny, Neville, Semus, Hermione, and Ron, though they really kept to themselves as they normally do, Luna met up with us later at the Three Broomsticks.

We went to all the shops and then went for a butter beer, all the while I was searching the groups of Hogwarts students for any sign of Draco, it had been almost three days since I had really seen him and spoken to him, I saw him yesterday in Potions but he was icy and rude the entire time so he must have thought he was being watched. (which makes me wonder if he knows Snape is a spy or not, better to keep that to myself I guess.) As we all sat back enjoying our drinks , Ginny talking to Neville about one of his plants from their class the day before, the group of Slytherins walked in the door. I felt my heart skip a beat as Draco's eyes looked over at our table but sighed mentally as he sneered in our direction and then followed his group to a free table.

I couldn't help but watch him through the crowd, and I was surprised to see Pansy Parkinson with her arms around him as she sat next to him. I felt a stab of jealousy but I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

"Harry are you alright?" Seamus asked with a concerned expression turning everyone's attention to me and what I was looking at.

"Yes! I'm fine!" I said quickly looking back at the group. Ginny was glaring at the Slytherins with a cold hatred that I found strange but didn't think anything of.

"Why do they have to come in here and ruin the atmosphere?" Ginny asked icily. I followed her gaze directly to Draco I was startled to see how her aura was extremely angry , so much that it troubled me. 'Does she really hate them that much?' I saw there were similar expressions on everyone's faces, besides Hermione who just looked down at her half drunk butterbeer. But even Ron's furious red aura did not match his sisters and I wondered why Ginny hated Draco so much.

"Just don't let them get to you, Ginny."

"Don't let them get to me? Have you lost your mind Harry! Of course they are going to get to me…after everything they have done to us over the past years …. To all of us—" She said her voice rising and her cheeks began to match her red hair.

"I'm just saying that by getting mad you are just sinking to their level." I tried to rationalize with her but she was just getting more and more angry.

"WHAT? BY ME GETTING MAD AT THEM I AM SUDDENLY SINKING TO A SLYTHERINS LEVEL!" She yelled, standing from her seat. There was a lot of noise in the Three Broom Sticks but not enough to hide her loud yelling and soon everyone was turning to look at her. She was glaring daggers at me as though she wanted to slap me, her aura was alive with her rage as she pushed her way out of the booth and stormed out of the store. I looked to see the shocked faces of everyone else at the table.

I heard the snickering and familiar laughing of the Slytherins and I turned and gave them all a genuine hard glare before standing.

"I'm going to go talk to her." I said pulling my cloak around me.

"Good luck with that one mate!" Seamus said , earning him a small glare from Ron who other than that made no comment.

As I walked out the door I stole a glance to Draco's table and caught his eyes which were wide and staring directly at me , his mouth slightly open as though in alarm. It was only for a moment for just then the girl on his arm leaned an whispered something into his ear and he nodded in response, his entire features changing to one of mischevious glee, but as I ventured my magical force out towards him (which seems to be easy to do, like we have some sort of connection or something that makes it simple to read him from almost any distance, I'll have to ask McGonogal about it later.) I could read him, very lightly , and could only infer that something was wrong.

But right then all I was worried about was finding Ginny, she had been acting very strange for the past few days, and her out burst was not at all like her. I walked around the village looking for her, most of the students were either heading back to the castle already or going to one of the shops or three broom sticks for a last drink or treat. I spotted her sitting alone on a stone bench beside one of the older buildings. I walked to her slowly, I wanted to give her the opportunity to see me and tell me to go away if she wanted to. But she didn't.

"Ginny…are you okay? " I asked when I was standing infront of her. She nodded lightly. She was still angry, just not as enraged as before. I sat beside her and carefully put an arm around her in a comforting way. I have to admit I didn't expect her to turn into my chest and begin crying. '

"Ginny! What's the matter?" I asked in alarm, holding her tightly trying to calm her. For a long time I held her , just sitting there letting her cry against my shoulder. Then she pulled back and looked at me.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to get all..emotional…" she said, whipping her eyes. "It's just"

"I know it's hard having to see the Slytherins everyday knowing they are involved in so much evil, but we have to be patient." I said in a soothing tone, my arms were still loosely around her.

"Harry…that's not why I'm upset…I..I saw youLOOK OUT!" She screamed suddenly, her eyes going wide and using her petite form to knock her and myself to the ground , a spell just missing us , hitting the wall and shattering several layer of brick sending pieces all over us, a large chunk falling to knock the youngest Weasley out atop me. I looked up at our attackers to see… "Death Eaters! " I said aloud, trying to get up from the ground and beneath Ginny. There were five of them heading directly towards us with their wands at the ready.

Finally I was able to stand , positioning myself away Ginny so that they wouldn't be able to hurt her further. Why hadn't they attacked me yet? Did they think I would just use my shielding charm again? The give black clad and masked figures moved into a circle around me. I held my hands up, waiting for one of them to cast at me, but they were surrounding me, there was no way I would be able to protect myself from all sides.

"_Stupify!"_ one to my left and one to my right called and I raised my hands to reflect them, but the masked figure standing directly behind me , "_Colloportus!" _and thick ropes flew out from the end of the persons wand to bind my arms to my sides. The final Death Eater which stood in-front of me hesitated, I felt his anguish , his fear, his sorrow…his soul that I knew so well. My eyes went wide as I waited for what ever came next.

"_Expellarmus!" _A voice cried out and the spell hit my would be attacker from behind and I looked with relief to see Ron running towards the group, with Neville, Seamus, Luna, Ernie, almost the entire D.A running out to face the Death Eaters.

"This was a warning , Potter…don't ever assume that you are invincible… I could have had you today!" said a female voice behind me as the rest of the death eaters joined her and I heard one of them say '_portus'_ using a port key to escape the onslaught of Wizards and Witches that had come to my aid.

With a muttered spell my binds were cut and I ran over to Ginny's side, where the others were moving to. Ron had an extremely worried expression over his features and looked quite pale. I knelt beside her and pulled her half way into my arms and lap.

"Ginny…wake up…" I said. I had a flash back then, of the time when she was still so young and had been tricked by the memory of Voldemort in the form of a diary to open the chamber of secrets. I had held her like this then and once again I begged her to wake up. Finally after what seemed like lifetimes she opened her eyes with a soft moan and looked up at me.

"Harry?" she asked in an uncertain soft voice.

"Yeah, Ginny…it's me." I said with a smile. Suddenly she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled her self up , with more strength than I would have expected from someone who had just been knocked out moments before, and kissed me. So surprised was I that I didn't even think about it until I was retuning it. This caused the group around us to burst into cheers. Several making cat calls at us. After a moment the kiss ended and I looked down at her.

"Are you alright?" I asked breathlessly and she nodded, her cheeks flush. "Come on." I said and helped her stand, though she wavored a bit from being slightly dizzy. Ron and I both assisted in walking with her back to the castle with an entourage of chattering teens, beaming over how they had scared the Death Eaters away. I didn't want to tell them that the death eaters were probably none other than our dear Slytherinfriends who had decided to play grown up for a day.

As we walked back to the castle I could feel Draco some where, some where near, watching me. He hadn't stoped watching me since the Death Eaters had vanished. Meaning one that the group of Slytherins was still near and that Draco had seen me and Ginny kiss. What that means I don't know, but some how I know, he is very angry with me.


	19. Diary of Ronald Weasley 2

Hey again all! Thank you once again for reading and for my return readers I hope that you forgive me for taking so long in getting another chapter out I have been really busy with school,work, and a mild case ofwriters block. I will try and get another chapter out as soon as I can. Everyone please review this chapter.

**Warning this chapter contails extreme adult content. If you are offende by homosexual relationships or homosexual sex then do not continue reading.**

Everyone else, read away you horny devils you! J/K I love my reviews!

Just to remind everyone, I didn't come up with the wonderful idea that is Harry Potter, and if J.K ever reads think I hope she doesn't hunt me down and kill me forsubjecting her innocent characters to myimagination.Love ya! 

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Diary of Ronald Weasley

Guess what happened at Hogsmead today? Well Ginny and Harry ended up getting attacked by Death Eaters in the middle of the day! Harry and Ginny had been having a fight at the table over Malfoy for some strange reason, I think something is going on but I am not sure what. Ginny stormed out of the Three Broomsticks and Harry followed her, only to get attacked by Death Eaters. Neville and I heard something going on outside and went to investigate and saw what was going on. There was the great Harry Potter tied up and surrounded by Death Eaters obviously unable to escape.

I , along with the other DA members behind me, attacked and scared the Death Eaters away and saved the-boy-who-lived. It wasn't until he got up and ran the opposite direction that I saw that Ginny was out cold, but Harry revived her. Then I received another shock as my little sister threw her arms around Harry's neck and kissed him fully on the mouth, and he returned it! While the rest of the group cheered I watched them in stunned silence.

I wasn't quite sure what to think about this, my sister kissing my ex-best friend. Though yes I have tried to forgive Harry for what happened to Hermione over the summer I am just having a hard time getting over what happened to her and let the idea sink in that it wasn't his fault. I know he has to be just as furious and untrusting of me since he found out about the letter Dumbledore sent me and Hermione at the start of the term.

As we walked back from Hogsmead, me and Harry both supporting Ginny and the three of us being guarded by the DA I tried to determine my mixed feelings towards my former friend and finally came to the conclusion that I needed to speak to him. He must have come to the came idea because he was waiting for me out side of the hospital wing when I left Ginny's side.

"Weasley?" he asked startling me because I hadn't seen him leaning against the wall beside the door.

"Oh…hey…" I said closing the door to the hospital wing behind me and then standing a good few feet away from him and looking at the ground.

"Look I'm----" we both started at once and then both laughed nervously.

"Go ahead." He said and I sighed.

"Look…that letter Dumbeldore sent me and Hermione. It was before I knew you, which I know is no excuse, but you know I grew up hearing your name, hearing about you and You-know-who. When I found out that you would be going to the same school as me I was really excited because I wanted to be your friend, so when I got that letter I didn't really see any harm in it because I already wanted to get to know you. And after being friends all these years I guess I didn't think it mattered anymore." I said still examining my shoes and whishing I was better with words and that I had thought to talk to him with Hermione next to me, she is so much better at explaining things.

"Oh…" was all Harry said and I glanced at him to see he was taking a great interest in his feet as well.

"I know it was wrong and I guess what I am saying is that I am sorry…" I finished earning a look from him and after looking into his bizarre green eyes for a minute he simply nodded.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Hermione." He started in a soft voice, wincing and shaking his head a bit.

"No…I know It wasn't your fault…"

"It was…you were right, I should have tried to do something, even when Dumbledore told me not to leave the mansion I should have. I shouldn't have let Voldemort get close enough to my friends. But I hope you know that I never once dreamed anyone would do anything like that to anyone else." He said in a sad honest tone and I could sense the guilt he felt.

"I know it's not going to be easy trusting one another again, but…I would really…like to...um…try to be friends again…" I said and he looked up at me in genuine surprise. "Oh...it's okay…never mind…" I said feeling my face flush a bit, I guess I took his look of surprise as one meaning he didn't like the idea and was still up set about the Dumbledore letter.

"No...No…I'd …I'd like that…." He said with a half smile and then after a strange tense silent moment he extended his hand out to me, I guess it wasn't that strange I had sort of just saved his life. After a moment I smiled and grasped it with my own and shook his hands. In my mind I hoped that this meant things would be changing a bit for the better.

Hermione has been begging me to try and patch things up with Harry, I wonder why she hasn't yet but I guess she is as afraid as I am. Ever since she found out that Draco was the one who raped her, and when Harry got the letter from Dumbledore she became extremely depressed, hardly speaking to anyone but me. The night she came back from the hospital she just clung to me, telling me how she remembered it all. How he taunted her. I can't express on paper how much I long to murder Draco Malfoy. I curse his name ever night before going to bed. I know I've already written an entry about my anger over him receiving no punishment for what he did to my Hermione but If I ever am given the chance to kill him I will not hold back. I don't care about unforgivable curses, I can kill him with my bare hands. But some how he will pay for what he did.

Diary of Harry Potter

He was waiting for me today, when I was finishing up with Quidditch practice I could feel him watching me from behind the bleachers. I wanted to go and pull him out and humiliate him in front of the rest of the Gryffindor team but I knew that wouldn't be good in retrospect that someone would tell the Slytherins and then they would wonder why Draco was spying on me.

I am still up set with him, why didn't he warn me that he and his little buddies were planning on attacking me in Hogsmead. Ginny could have been seriously hurt and they could have actually managed in capturing me! The what would he have done?

Anyway, our team looks good this year, and after a full signed petition, that I was shocked to learn of, the team requested I be made Capitan of the team! We had our first practice as a team today, Ron is still the Keeper, Ginny is now a Chaser since I'm back to being seeker. We look pretty good so far, it's too bad we have so little time before we play the Ravenclaws next weekend. After practice I called the team down to the ground and gave them all some pointers. Since I knew Draco was watching and listening, and I could feel that he was upset about something. I gave Ginny a compliment about her getting 6 goals on her brother.

Ron and I have actually managed to reach a level of friendship that I honestly never thought we would achieve again. After speaking with him outside of the Hospital wing the other day we have actually been talking a lot more. He and Hermione are actually a really good couple. I haven't really talked to her, according to Ron she is really depressed and over worked, having throne herself totally in to her school work and taken on a lot of responsibilities as prefect. I am going to have to wait until after mid-grades to talk to her I guess.

Practice over I went with my team back to the locker room, all of us in very high spirits and talking loudly about the next game. Ginny walked beside me as she teased Ron about scoring on her. When she put her arm around my waist as we walked I didn't think to push her away, In fact since I knew how much angrier it would make Draco if he were still watching I put my arm back around her. I picked up the equipment as everyone else took a shower, Ginny asked if she could see me later and I only nodded as she left for the girls locker rooms.

Everyone left the locker rooms, when Ron asked if I was coming I told him I was going to take a shower and see him at dinner. I could feel Draco waiting impatiently outside as Ron told me 'see ya' and left. I began undressing, I needed a shower, and probably a long hot one after whatever was said between Draco and I.

It was a few minutes before he actually dared to come in, I figure he was watching the rest of the Gryffindors walk back to the castle.

"What do you want?" I asked when I felt and heard him walk in.

"What the hell do you think I want!" He asked in an icy loud voice. I could feel his anger, but I didn't care, and my passiveness confused me.

"You're not suppose to be in here." I said in a voice matching his.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" he yelled throwing his hands in the air and I could see the hurt in his eyes as he glared at me.

"Hey, you're the one who attacks me out of no where …"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh what? Did it just totally slip your mind that you and your little friends decided to try and kill me and Ginny at Hogsmead?" I was yelling at him, I had meant to stay calm but his anger only fed my own.

"You think I planned that?" he asked seeming taken a bit aback.

"You could have bloody warned me." I said coldly, turning my back to his. I was still half dressed and sweaty from practice.

"I didn't know we were going to do that until you left with out your body guards…the Slytherins… I think they know something…they have been keeping things from me."

"Don't you think you're being a little paranoid? " I asked turning and glaring at him. "And why the hell did you come in here all pissed off at me, when you're the one who attacked me."

"Did you not notice that I was the one who didn't cast a spell on you?"

"Is it because you didn't want to, or because you weren't given enough time to make a decision?" I asked, angered at the hurt in my voice and surprised by the pain in his eyes.

"That's not fair." He said sadly but my temper didn't lighten.

"Right. It's not…but you don't know what the real answer is…do you? " I asked watching him struggle with his emotions.

"Are you in love with her?" he asked suddenly and I blinked a bit tilting my head to look over him.

"What?"

"The Weasel girl..."

"Her name is Ginny." I said between clinched teeth.

"What the bloody-hell do I care what her name is? I want to know what is going on between you and her." He yelled taking a step closer to me and I could see his anger rising by the shifting shade of his aura. "God-damnit Potter stop reading me like a book and listen to me!" he screamed in frustration and I stared at him startled that he could see me reading his aura.

"What do you want to know?" I asked dumbly.

"I want to know what it is between you and her…and what it is between you and me…because one day you are saying that you think you're falling in love with me, have sex with me and then the next day you are making out with her and the whole school thinks you're practically engaged!" he said exasperatedly taking another few angry steps towards me.

"You're jealous?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ger over your self!" he yelled and for a minute I thought he wanted to hit me. "You can't play with people like this! You can't do what you did with me the other night and …and just… throw it all away! If you can then you're just a bastard!"

He pushed me hard in the chest away from him and back into the lockers behind me , the back of my head hitting hard metal, I jumped towards him a bit, ready for a fight. Already heated from the verbal argument and quidditch practice his hot words made my blood boil and when he pushed me then something kind of snapped inside me.

"Don't push me, Malfoy." I said icily, I could feel the strange alarming, animal like fire that he caused inside me. He had been able to cause it for years, getting on my nerves, pushing my buttons, and more recently driving me to insane levels of lust and pleasure. It's this fire that I am able to latch on to when I change into my anima Gus form, which I nearly did right then either to frighten or surprise him. But I didn't I only quickly closed the space between us , my fists clinched at my sides. "You're the one who is _actually _engaged and the whole school knows about that as well… of course how couldn't they know she's hanging all over you all the time."

"Damn you, Potter!" he yelled, "You are a bastard! I hate Pansy and everyone knows that I am only engaged to her because I have to be. I'm not like you… You only played with me, didn't you? You just wanted to humiliate me! Going to tell everyone that I snogged with you and liked it? Do you regret it now…afraid of liking a guy, is that why you're screwing her so then you'll feel like a real man?"

"Shut up! You don't even know what you are talking about! You're going crazy over nothing!" I yelled and pushed him away from me, closer to the exit of the locker room.

"How could you! I HATE YOU!" he yelled and lunged at me, shoving hard into my bare chest and slamming me into the hard floor of the room. The air was knocked from my lungs as he landed on top of me hard and I choked but before my lungs could grasp any air, Draco's fist flew down and slammed hard into the side of my face and I grunted in alarm and pain as it shot through my cheek bone and jaw.

Unable to breath I panicked, seeing his other fist ready to pound the other side of my face I did the only thing I could and swung my fist high and it miraculously managed to collide with his chin surprising him enough to knock him back a bit and for me to gain the upper hand and force my body to over take his reversing our positions so that he was pinned beneath me.

As I coughed and fought for precious air to my lungs he seemed to realize what had happened and yelled in frustration and anger.

"GET THE BLOODYHELL OFF OF ME POTTER!" he screamed struggling beneath me.

"No." I said between gasps for air , my arms pinning his down and my legs entangled with his as he fought to be rid of me.

"What do you want from me? GET OFF!" he yelled, his eyes seemed fearful and angry , his voice now sounded a bit panicked. His fists pounded against my chest, "I HATE YOU….I hate you!" he said over and over, making my heart feel as though it was being squeezed. As though accepting defeat his fists slowed and he stopped struggling and out of no where he clinched his eyes tightly shut. I thought he was trying to pretend he was somewhere else until a sob broke through his mask and he shuddered beneath me. His hands tried to wrap around himself as best he could beneath my weight.

I was so stunned by how quickly his emotions has flipped and that Draco Malfoy was crying that I didn't say or do anything but lay there watching him in his misery.

"Why?" he asked in a desperate cry.

I shook my head, I had never meant to up set him this much, I had never meant to hurt him like this. I felt extremely guilty and pained that I had caused him this much stress.

"Why did …you do this?" he asked, his body was shaking violently. "Why couldn't you have just left me alone?"

I shook my head but his closed eyes didn't see it. "I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did!" he yelled in a heartbroken voice, "You used me!"

"No I didn't." I said softly, "I'm sorry, I think you would get so upset…I meant everything I said the other night…and there is nothing that we did the other night that I am ashamed of."

"Then why are you with Ginny now?" he asked in a hurt accusing voice. "Why did you kiss her in front of everyone?"

"She kissed me."

"You didn't seem to mind---"

I interrupted him then by pressing my lips to his, and when I heard him sigh and his lips parted against mine my heart beat quickened and the now familiar pleasurable chills shot down my spine. The kissed deepened and I moaned a bit as his tongue slid between my lips and swirled inside my mouth slowly. A soft moan vibrated in his throat and I broke the kiss to catch my breath.

I opened my eyes to look down into his silver eyes, my hand moving to carefully cup his soft cheek, alabaster skin seeming so fragile against the tan of my hand. There were still fresh tears in his eyes as he looked up at me questioningly. I shook my head lightly as I looked over his features. His eyes half closed, his cheeks flushed and his lips swollen from my kiss.

"How could you ever think I would want someone other than you?" I asked with an amazed shake of my head. His lip trembled and he closed his eyes tightly against my words. "Draco…" I whispered and he reopened his fearful eyes to look at me , his lips parted as though he wanted to say something but his words stuck in his throat. He shook his head once before leaning up to me and pulling me down so our lips could meet again.

I was struck by the depth of his sorrow and the depth of the kiss as his arms encircled my waist holding onto me as though I were about to vanish into thin air. His fingertips dug into the bare skin of my back , massaging into my muscles. My lower body was already reacting to his luscious mouth and wet kisses. It was then that I realized that we were still on the floor of the Gryffindor locker room. If someone were to walk in right then it would have been very hard to explain the situation.

I broke the kiss again but he moved his mouth to trail teasing kisses down my throat, sending hot lust coursing through me.

"Draco…" I moaned his name , tilting my head to allow him greater access to my neck. "We can't….not here…" I whispered and he stopped his kisses, to my disappointment and relief . I stood from him and helped him from the floor, but instead of stepping away from one another I couldn't help but pull him back into my arms and begin kissing him all over again. I felt his own hard member against me then and moaned once again in response.

My hands moved to his hips struggling to un tuck his shirt from his trousers. As my hands finally encountered his chilled flesh he broke the kiss and gasped, his head falling back and my lips moving instantly to sample his soft skin there.

"Harry….oh…please…." he whimpered, his hips rolling against me, his voice a near desperate cry.

"Not here…" I argued against his skin, but my own body was fighting against me, I wanted him no matter were we were, no matter who saw us. And then I got an idea. "Come on…" I said pulling away from him, and pulling him with me.

"Where are we---oh…." He said realizing my plans , a flush coming to his pale cheeks as I pulled him inside the large bathroom and then back into my arms. As I kissed him and our bodies rocked against one another I unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his arms. Breaking the kiss we both finished undressing ourselves. I turned the hot water of the shower on and stepped beneath it's steaming beams with a low moan, rolling my head back . The water felt so good against my tense muscles, heated flesh, and aroused sex. After a minute of letting the water rush over me I realize Draco hadn't joined me yet and I opened my eyes to find him standing to the side watching me, a strange shy expression over his face

"What ?" I asked moving out of the water enough to talk.

"Nothing…you're …are you sure you want to…" he blushed.

This new, more vulnerable, shy side of Draco was one I had never seen, nor dreamed existed, but I found it extremely and oddly cute and my heart thudded loudly with my love for him. I stepped out of the water for a moment and grabbing his wrist pulled him into the shower with me. He gasped as the water touched him and then again as I pulled him against me.

I met my lips with his, trying to express everything I felt for him in that single act as our hot naked bodies crushed against one another, our hardened members pressing against the other, arousing both of us to a point of brutal need as the water slid over us.

"Draco…" I moaned as his hand slid down between us and encircled my wet shaft. Our foreheads came together as we both gasped for breath, his hand slowly stroking me causing me to groan in delight. I moved my own hand around his throbbing member, he shuddered and gasped at my touch. It was the most erotic vision before my eyes, our bodies together, his hand stroking me and I him. I saw him watching our hands as well , his breathing hard and labored. Our free hands were around the others back, holding one another up.

"Ah…" broke from his mouth and his head fell back, his hand's back and forth motions becoming erratic.

"Are you close Draco…oh I'm nearly there…." I said my hand moving in time with his, our hips moving back and forth slowly, the hot steaming water moving rhythmicly over our bodies and climaxing sexes. With a groan he came , his seed spilling over my abs to be quickly washed away by the water. My orgasm quickly followed and I fell back against the wall of the shower as his warm hand finished it's task.

He leaned against me, our hands moving to hug one another loosely as we returned to reality. The showers water was still steaming and hot. I had to resist the urge to pass out on the floor. I felt him move against me , his breath on my neck. "Harry…." He whispered.

"Hum?"

He didn't say anything, but hugged me for a long time, just letting the water run down over his back. Half dozing I felt him begin to kiss down my neck, then lower to my chest, and I gasped as he moved to his knees before me and took my softening sex in-between his lips.

"Draco!" I exclaimed as his tongue swirled over the now extremely sensitive head of my sex. His hand began stroking me and some how , even after having just experienced a wonderful orgasm I felt my desire growing and my lust returning. My sex must have responded in kind as well for he moaned and then gripped my shaft once more with his soft hand. How he wasn't drowning in the showers water I don't know but as his tongue danced over my aroused flesh I thought of little else but the pleasures he was creating throughout my body.

I stopped him suddenly, pulling him back up to me slowly and kissing him once more. He sighed into the kiss and pressed his own arousal against my hip, surprising me. The thought that he was turned on by doing things to me was thrilling. Boldened by my desire and possibly thinking through a cloud of lust and pleasure I broke my lips from his and asked him, something I never once even thought about asking.

"Draco….would...I want you…to ..I want you inside me…I want you to …please…" I asked in a shaking voice.

He must have been surprised for he didn't say anything and I was too embarrassed to look into his face.

"Are…are you sure? " he asked lightly and I looked up to see a joy filled light within his eyes which strengthened me and allowed me to nod.

"Harry…." He whispered just before claming my mouth again. After a long moment of kissing he slowly turned me around to fact the wall, his chest to my back. Despite the hot water I shivered in anticipation of what was to occur as he slowly guided me to bend over a bit, supporting my weight against the wall. But instead of him instantly guiding his member to penetrate me like I had expected I felt his hands spreading my cheeks and then felt something small, hot , and wet slid over my entrance.But then he pushed hislongfingerinside meI lost all inhibitions. Pleasure, like that I have never known, even from the other night with my new lover, wracked my body like a curse. How long hisdigit tortured and teased my entrance I don't know but before long I was rocking back against him. It wasn't until he spoke that I realize that his fingers were thrusting in and out of my soaked opening.

It was burning but in such a maddeningly delicious manner that had me crying out incoherent things. My back arched, my heart was going at breakneck speeds.

"Draco…Merlin please…." I didn't how to express what I needed from him, but he seemed to know. He stood slowly, his fingers not stopping their movements. His lips kissed down my neck, as I continued to moan and grind back against his hand. My skin felt so hot. My head felt heavy and dizzy. Finally he slid his fingers from inside me and guided his member to my sleek entrance. Without hesitation he pushed the head of his sex into me and I jumped in alarm all my muscles tensing at the pain it cause.

"Shh….relax…" he said in a soothing way. His lips never stopped moving, the hot water was distracting, but the pain was too much. It was all so sensitive, so extreme , so scalding hot. "Calm down…breath….it'll get better….let me in you…please…" he begged softly against my skin. It was all I could do to nod. I felt his body fighting the urge to slam into me and savagely take me and it thrilled me that he was controlling himself out of concern for me.

I felt my body start to relax.

"Oh…hell….Harry…" he groaned, sending a chill through me. I realized that he must have felt my muscles relaxing. "I..I don't know…..how long ..I can …" he pushed into me a bit further, the pain shot up my back again but not as intense. "Hold on…Harry…I have to…stop!" he groaned as he pushed in further, I felt his body against my rear and I knew he was fully into me. "Ahhh…yeah…" he moaned loudly, I felt him fighting the same lust I had fought the night he allowed me inside him, the fire burning inside both of us to lose control.

"Draco….go ahead…." I said, biting my lip as I said it. His head on my shoulder shook, "No...I don't want to hurt you…." His body shook with the force of his need as he slowly began to pull out of me, causing the most insane amounts of pain and uncontrolled pleasure. I felt as thought I was burning from the inside out.

"I can't go much longer!" I yelled, over his and my moans of pleasure. "Please!" I yelled. He suddenly pulled back his torso from resting on my back, his hands gripped my hips and he starting thrusting back and forth into me with reckless abandon. I think I screamed once, but only once , as my muscles stretched to conform to his rigid member.

I couldn't think, nothing matter, nothing existed except Draco, the pounding of his body into mine, and the waves of mind-blowing euphoric pleasure it created. The shower water splashed around us. I heard his soft pleasured groans and grunts, I sensed his lack of control, his need for release, and a wonderful overpowering emotion that caused my heart to melt. I felt his sex grow more rigid inside me, my muscles contracted around him, he screamed my name as I gasped his and I was thrown into orgasm with him. I felt him fill me, and I nearly passed out with the extreme pleasure the entire thing had created through out my entire being. He didn't let me fall. His strong arms came around me, held me up. His body pressed against mine. Out beating hearts and fasts breaths matched one another.

After a long while he turned the shower off , but just continued to hold me for a long time. I must have dozed for a moment for I remember through a fog of thought wondering how we had come from fighting to the most sensual and erotic experience of my life?


	20. Diary of Ginny Weasley 2

Here's another one for all of my wonderful readers...looks around Or my one or two readers... Anyway...Enjoy and please Review!

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Diary of Ginny Weasley

I think I have lost him…I truly do…what ever spell that monster has placed on him is strong and even my love for him cannot break it. I use to think that the Death Eaters couldn't get any worse than torturing and killing Muggles, and anyone who stands in their way of course, but I was wrong. Never would I have ever dreamed that someone could be so evil as to use sex and love as weapons! Some day somehow I will get them all back for what they have done to my friends.

I guess I should explain what happened…though it hurts me to have to recall it all once again I know it will be better to get it all out instead of holding it all in , since I can't very well go and talk to someone about it.

After Quidditch practice today , Harry is our captain which is great! I was so glad I could get all of the team to sign the petition to get him the position. Anyway…after I scored a whopping six points on Ron in which Harry later congratulated me on, but I could kind of see that something was distracting him. After showering he didn't walk with us back to the castle….I didn't think anything of it until I saw something…well someone walking into the locker room! And that someone was blond.

After giving Ron a lame excuse about leaving my book behind, to which he gave me a strange expression, I went back as fast as I could. I was already back at the castle at this point so it took me a while. All the while I just hoped that I had been dreaming it…that Harry was alone. When I walked into the locker room I felt relieved and frightened when I saw that no one was there, but there was a shower on. Slowly, so as not to be seen I went in and went to the bathroom where the shower stalls are. I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary and was about to call out Harry's name when I heard his voice.

"Draco?" his voice cried out in surprise but there was a husky note to it, a delighted overwhelmed sound. It made my blood go cold, and I covered my mouth to keep from gasping aloud. I leaned against the opposite wall , feeling faint and unable to move. It was torture, pure savage torture, to hear the man I love crying out the name of his enemy. I don't remember what I was thinking or how long I was there. But then the cries continued.

"Draco…Merlin please…." His voice rose once again loud over the showers water, begging him. He was begging him! I think I cried out a bit as pain took over my chest and I slid to the floor, tears rolling freely down my face. How could he be…doing…that with him! I heard the Slytherins voice then , it was just a moan but I knew the difference in his voice. Oh, god, how did I just sit there and listen to it all?

"Oh….hell…Harry…." I heard him, and then I wanted to do nothing but rush in on them and curse Malfoy to hell, I didn't even care if I went to azkaban for the rest of my life I just wanted to kill him, just to get him away from Harry.

I covered my ears and sobbed, but the moans continued, their voices mixed in pleasurable cries felt like a dagger to my heart. Then I heard Harry beg again…shortly followed by a pain filled scream from my loves lips and I moved back to my feet slowly. I knew he was hurting him…I should have stopped him! I should have done something! But I didn't…because just then….he broke my heart further.

Loud moans from them both became louder and more frequent. They moaned each others names loudly and Harry….oh my poor Harry…cried out, "Oh….Draco….Iloveyou!" he said the last part all at once in a single joyous , ecstasy filled cry and I ran from there as fast as I could run.

He couldn't have meant it! He can't be in love with him! He just can't! He was just wrapped up in his spell, in their lust. It's not possible! I don't know how long I ran for but it must have been hours for when I came to my senses I was outside Hagrid's house shaking uncontrollably. I wanted to die right then, I'd rather die than be without him.

But I reasoned with myself…it's all just a trick…it's not really. Malfoy is evil and trying to get Harry on his side, trying to take him to you-know-who! But I won't let him! I wont let this keep going, I have to stop this once an for all. I knew what I had to do. I had to talk to Dumbledore. He would be the only person who could help me get Harry back.

After composing myself I went to see him but standing at the stone griffin I got no response. Panicking I pounded on the stone with my fists but to no avail.

"Mrs. WEASLEY! What in Merlin's name do you think you are doing?" Professor McGonagall cried out behind me , startling me. I was crying again.

"I need to see the Headmaster!" I cried out trying to show how desperate and important it was.

"What seems to be the problem?" she asked in a calmer tone walking to me and putting an arm over my shoulder, "What's the matter….is someone hurt?"

"No…Please…I need to speak with him…" I said looking up at her, "It's about Harry."

Was it my imagination or did her face just change a bit?

"What is it?" she asked with alarm in her tone.

I shook my head, "Please….I really want to tell Professor Dumbledore….it's important."

After looking at me for a long moment she sighed and then turned to the griffin and said the password, "Twizzler" I have no idea what that is but it worked and soon the stair case behind the statue was revealed and she and I both walked up it. She knocked on his office door and his pleasant voice beckoned us inside.

"Ah, Mrs. Weasley…how are you this fine evening?" he asked in a jovial voice and standing from behind his desk. "My dear!" he said looking at me in the light, I am sure my nose and eyes matched my hair and that my tears were pretty obvious. "What's the matter?" he asked moving around the desk.

"I..I need your help." I said between sobs as he guided me to a chair before his desk. I lowered my head.

"Now now, child…relax…just clam down and then you can tell me …Here …have a cup of tea." He said reaching over his desk to pour me a cup from a tea set I hadn't noticed. I nodded and accepted the cup gratefully.

After crying so much I felt light headed but I was finally able to stop crying.

"There that's much better." He said with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes, "Now what is this about?"

"Harry." I said with the last sip of my tea. It must have been getting late and I hadn't noticed but suddenly I felt sleepy.

"Ah…yes…so what is it I can help you with?" he asked so kindly as I looked into his face. Then I broke down. I told him everything! I didn't even mean to it just kind of came out! I told him about the night I saw Harry and Draco kissing in the hall before going into the Room of Requirement and then I told him about what I had just heard in the showers. McGonagall seemed very troubled by all of it and was looking very pale and distraught in the corner of the room. Dumbledore, however, looked away from me so I couldn't even see his face. After I had said all that I could, and more than I wanted to, he finally turned to me.

"Mrs. Weasley, have you told anyone else about this?"

"No , no one.."

"Very good, I think it would be better if no one was to find out about this…for Harry's sake." He said and I wonder when he started to look so old.

I just nodded and looked back down to my empty tea cup.

"I will do my best to try and help him and try and get him away from Mr. Malfoy." He said with promise in his voice and with a small nod to McGonagall she gave a soft sound of agreement.

"You are looking quite sleepy, perhaps you should return to your dormitory. Thank you for giving me this information." He said with a small smile and I nodded, I did feel sleepily, more tired than I think I had ever felt. McGonagall looked very distracted as she walked me to Gryffindor tower, I wondered what she was thinking. Well like I said I am really tired, I can't believe I haven't passed out writing this! Off to bed.

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Diary of Harry Potter

What the hell was she thinking! I should start from the beginning. Today, right after the Quidditch match, which I am proud to say we won over Ravenclaw, Professor McGonagall came to see me. I haven't really seen much of her since I stopped going to her class or seeing her for help with my animagus. She pulled me away from the cheering Gryffindors and led me away from the field. At first I thought it was strange but then she explained.

"I'm sorry to pull you away from the celebrations , Mr. Potter, but there is something that I must discuss with you."

"it's alright Professor…but why…out here?" we were nearly at Hagrids cabin by then.

"Because…the castle walls have ears…" she muttered and I blinked at her dumbly.

"What is this about?" I felt color already starting to drain from my face as I feared the worst.

She took a deep breath and looked at me strangely.

"I have been informed , as has Professor Dumbledore, of your relationship with Mr. Malfoy---"

"WHAT!" I yelled and took a step back away from her. My heart began racing , how did someone find out!

"Keep your voice down, Mr. Potter!" she scolded and looked around nervously.

"Who told you?" I asked between gritted teeth.

"So, it is true then?" she said with wide eyes. I cursed myself for my stupidity. "I am not here to punish or lecture you…I wanted to warn you."

"Warn me of what?" I asked, my mind in other places.

"Mr. Malfoy is not all what he seems. I know you think you know him and I am not going to tell you to stay away from him—no please don't interrupt me, we have little time. " she said for I had opened my mouth to tell her that I knew Draco better than anyone. "I am only asking you to be very careful of who you trust…I don't know what Dumbledore plans to do with this information but I would suggest that you try and hide your relationship and your feelings as best you can…..for they could one day be used against you."

I wanted to say something in anger but then I lowered my head and took a deep breath, this wasn't her fault I knew she was trying to help me.

"Thank you." I said and she turned around and walked away.

Back at the Gryffindor locker room where everyone on the team was getting dressed from their showers my mind wondered. Who could have seen us? Who would have told Dumbledore? Then I remembered, I remembered sensing someone that night, the night Draco used the killing curse on me in the hall way. Down the hall I thought I felt someone, someone familiar. At the time I thought I was imagining it because I was hurting from the curse. I closed my eyes for a minute after pulling my uniform shirt off. Trying to recognize the colors, the feeling….Ginny….

My eyes snapped open and I looked around the room, she was in the girls locker room on the other side of the wall behind the showers. Showers…oh Merlin I knew I had felt someone then too! I was just so distracted—for lack of a better word--- I didn't care who it was.

Did she hear everything? She must have seen he and I kiss that night. But why would she tell Dumbledore? I knew I had to talk to her, right then. Pulling a shirt on, not caring that I hadn't showered yet I went to the girls locker room. There was only one other girl on the team who had obviously finished her showering and changing and had left for the victory party because when I walked in Ginny was standing there all alone by her locker, wrapped only in a towel, but I didn't care.

"It was you wasn't it?" I asked from the door way in an icy tone scaring her causing her to jump and turn to face me. I instantly saw the fear in her eyes and the confrontation with in her mind. She lowered her head and turned back around to face her locker.

"What are you talking about."

"Don't pay games with me, Ginny…..It was you in the hall way the other night…it was you standing outside of the shower…so it had to be you who told Dumbledore." My voice was so cold it worried me, but my anger was controlling and I walked to her and forced her to face me, my hands griping her upper arms tightly, "Why? Why did you tell him.?" I couldn't help the hurt in my loud voice as I stared into her face which she was trying to keep away from mine. "Ginny! Look at me! Why?"

"OKAY!" she yelled trying to push away from me, and looking up to my face there was anger in her eyes, "I told him alright…!" she said exasperatedly. I suddenly leapt at her, crushing her against the locker and she whimpered in pain but her anger only grew.

"WHY?" I yelled between clinched teeth, "Do you have any idea what you have done?" I was so angry, I regret that now….and I probably always will..

"Harry…stop!" she said in a weak voice her strength faltering.

"JUST TELL ME WHY?" I shook her.

"BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" she screamed into my face, a tear rolling down her cheek and I froze, I could hear my heart beat in my ears thudding loudly and I was so close to her I felt as though I could feel her own. I must have been in shock for it took me a minute to hear her speaking to me.

"Harry ..he's a death eater! He has cast some sort of spell on you! Think about what he did to Hermione…what he has done to all of us in the past six years---" she was pleading with me, and I could see how fear filled her aura and features were, she was shaking beneath my hands still clutched to her bare arms.

"You don't even know him." I said, and the coldness still with in my tone startled me and she swallowed as though painfully, still looking up at me.

"Please…Harry…you don't even really know him….I went to Dumbledore because I think he is trying to pull you into a trap….I think it was him at Hogsmead that day….he could have killed you…or taken you to him…he is only playing on your emotions….he's a Malfoy!"

"People change—"

"No, Harry…they don't…I don't want to see him hurt you…I wont let him hurt you. Don't you think it's strange how quickly you developed feelings for him…and that you're with a guy when you've never shown interest in guys before…why do you think you love him---"

"Shut up!" I yelled pushing her back against the lockers, "You have no idea what you are talking about…"

"Harry….he is tricking you! Please! Just think about it! I heard him the other day…with Pansy…." She choked out in a frightened tone, "He told her that he has been given orders to watch you to spy on you…to get closer to you…that's all that he is doing …he just wants to pull you in---"

"Stop it! You are just jealous….you wanted me and you saw that I was with him and it hurt so you had to do something to hurt me back!" I didn't know why I was being so hard on her, so extremely mad that I found that I wanted to hurt her, later I thought that I must have been taking my frustrations out on her.

"I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN EVER HURT YOU!" she screamed trying again to push me away but I held her, and she cried out lightly in a despair filled sob, "Can't you see how wrong this is! " She shook her head sadly. "I only wanted to protect you from him…I would never sacrifice your happiness for my own… not him…he is evil Harry….and I wont let him hurt you…. you could be with anyone else and I wouldn't care, so long as you are safe and happy…I …I love you that much…" she said. I felt my anger slowly slipping away as I stared into her sad brown eyes , my hands slackened their grip and suddenly I felt ashamed.I could feel the love she held for me radiating from her like heat from a flame and like a moth I was drawn to it.

"Ginny….I…" I didn't know what to say, I knew she had had a crush on me when she was younger, but I thought she had gotten over it, I thought we were just friends. The night she and I were together I didn't feel anything like this overwhelming love she was now projecting towards me.

"Don't---" she said shaking her head and lowering it, "I know you don't care about me…you think you're in love with him, I heard you…." She was looking down , depression was swallowing her slowly. God what was I thinking? She heard the whole thing! "I don't know what he did to you….but I wont interfere again if that is what you want. Just promise me that you'll think about what I said…and you'll be careful?" She looked up into my eyes once again, tears still slowly rolling down her face.

"Ginny….I'm sorry…" I began before pulling her into a tight hug. She was shaking in my arms, I could feel her every wondering confused emotion felt so tied to her right then. Slowly her arms moved to return the embrace. Trembling all over she tilted her head back from my shoulder to look up at me, our arms still wrapped around one another.

"I love you...Harry Potter….as a friend or lover, it doesn't matter….I will always be here for you…until you ask me to leave…" she said and I felt the fear held with in those words as though she was waiting for me to tell her I wanted her to leave right then. How I can read her feelings and nearly her thoughts I do not know but as she continued to stare up at me her eyes drifted to glance at my lips and I felt a rush of excitement and the return of the thudding heart beat with in my ears as her desire to kiss me over came her anger and sadness. I could feel her battling with herself, she didn't want to scare me away from her, but she wanted so badly to kiss me, and more. I closed my eyes letting her emotions and desires wash over me like a wave.

"Ginny…." I said in a whisper, and I was surprised at the husky note it held. Was she doing it on purpose, projecting her emotions to overwhelm my own? Still at this moment I do not know, but I soon found that I began to long to kiss her as well.

Still shuddering in my arms I felt her leaning closer to me, and as her soft open mouth pressed against my lips my mind begged Draco to forgive me.

I felt her sorrow then, at the kiss, it saddened her, as though some how she knew that I didn't love her….I was surprised at the depth of her pain for me and the kiss grew deeper. So wrapped up in her shifting, overpowering emotions that I hardly even noticed as her tongue smoothed between my lips and carefully swirled over my own. Her arms moved to wrap around my neck and I heard something soft fall to the floor, when my arms moved around her waist I felt only bare skin, her towel had dropped and she was naked against me. God, her feelings were so strong…my mind felt foggy and all I could think about was how I should push her away, that it wasn't right because I loved someone else…someone I didn't want to hurt. But my body wouldn't listen, I wanted her…but it wasn't fair to her or to Draco. But my mind had started to wonder about what she and McGonagall had said…what if they were right…what if it was a trick , a trap…what if my feelings for him weren't real, I have heard of love spells… but I don't ever remember taking anything that tasted funny…and she was right that I had never been attracted to a boy before him….and now here I was completely overwhelmed and filled with need for the woman pressed naked against me now. I was confused…beyond anything else.

A single soft moan struggled and broke free from my throat and her emotions surged forth , hot desire, frustrated lust, concern, love, anguish, confusion, and her extreme fear of rejection all pushed upon me and cleaned any thoughts from my mind. How can any one person feel so many things at one time? It was like a wonderful high, those emotions, my body drank them from her like an exhilarating wine and I wanted, needed more of them. Wondering if my touch would produce more addicting emotions I ran my hands down her smooth skin of her back , just my finger tips brushing over in a soft caress and I was rewarded with feverant lust , love for everything about me and what I was doing to her, it was incredible. I hadn't remembered her doing this when we had done this before. I can hardly describe how incredible it was , the power and strength of her emotions flowing into me, and I felt as though I absorbed them. A euphoric cloud took over my mind, this was pleasure in the most metaphysical way.

'Oh….forgive me…..' she thought, I heard her thoughts! She was sorry? For what? For kissing me? No…it was something deeper, something bigger…something that frightened her. Fear was not a sensual emotion, and I had become a fierce addict to her pleasure causing emotions, I pushed her back against the locker, my aroused body crushing against hers.

There they were….deliciously feeding my euphoria. Gods she wanted me, and I could see her mind picturing it's desire, namely me….she was picturing me inside her….but somehow that frightened her. Was she afraid of me being rough? Of rejecting her afterwards? I don't know still. Our tongues were still swirling together when she pushed her small hips forward and against my arousal. More emotions, more pleasure, lusting…hunger…heat and it was just a touch! My mind suddenly wanted her as much as my body did! If just a simple touch created an explosion of such overpowering and wonderful emotions what _would_ I feel being inside her, thrusting into her…moaning---oh how I moaned at my own thoughts and again as her emotions flowed with my expression of pleasure in her.

'What is she doing to me!' my mind wondered.

'Opening all channels of mind, soul, aura, and magic to you...to show you…' she thought in return! She had somehow read my thoughts! She read mine, and I read hers! It's impossible, isn't it?

'Ginny!' I thought in shock, nearly breaking the kiss but then her emotions overtook me once more, this was dangerous! How could she know how to do that? She didn't respond except to push her hips to once again rub herself against my erection , through my pants I could feel her bodies heat.

'Please…just this once….' She begged inside her mind, but I couldn't respond, for just then I had done something stupid. My hands moved to her rear and lifted her so that her legs spread around my waist and she locked her ankles around me as my body crushed against hers and held her up against the locker. Once again I lack the words to explain how extreme and controlling her emotions were to me, I couldn't help it, I honestly couldn't despite how my mind screamed of Draco and the love I had for him. When I grinded against her center with my hips…oh lord….the feeling!  
Through out my entire life all I wanted was to feel loved, not for my famous name, not for the things that I have done, but for just being me…and here it was all bundled inside one being. Acceptance and unconditional love….Merlin save me I loved her in that moment.

"Ginny, come on, we're going to miss the part—" Ron broke off as he walked into the girls locker room and saw us. Instantly the kiss ended and Ginny's legs unwrapped from around me and found their way back to the floor. My arms quickly left her, but I couldn't turn to face my friend my body's desires still obvious, and Ginny was still naked in front of me.

"GINNY!" Ron finally said.

"RON GET OUT!" she yelled back at him, I felt her anger at being disturbed and her embarrassment at her brother seeing her in such a position.

"But—" he began.

"GET THE BLOODYHELL OUT!" she screamed and I felt him jump and then quickly turn to leave. When he left I backed away from Ginny and with a soft sigh she collected her clothes and started to quickly get dressed. I kept my back to her, my body was cooling quickly and I feared that if I looked at her I wouldn't be able to control myself. I was already overwhelmed by guilt at what I had done.

"Harry…" she whispered and when I turned to her she was thankfully fully dressed, her head and eyes were down. "I'm sorry….I…I didn't mean---"

"How were you doing that?" I asked in a curious voice taking a step to her.

"What?"

"Pushing your emotions on to me? How could you read my thoughts? How could I read yours?" I not only wanted to know, I needed to know.

"I…I'm not sure…I just told myself to open my mind to you…and it did…I just…let it all go." She shook her head as if it truly confused her.

"You….you're really that much in love with me?"

She only nodded slowly and I reached out and lifted her chin to stare into her eyes. "Ginny…I'm sorry but…I---"

"I know…I know….but please….please…just remember what I said…I would do anything to keep you safe….and Malfoy frightens me…the things he did to Hermione, you should hear what he did to her…" she winced against her own words.

"I---"

"Just be careful. I have to go." She said pulling her face from my hand and picking up her bag beside her, at the door she stopped, "See you at the party Harry." She said with a small smile before walking out side to meet with her brother.

I sat down on the bench with one thought, 'What the hell am I doing?'

I didn't go to the party, I needed to be alone, to think. I went to the Room of Requirement, locked the door behind me for sure this time, and sat writing this, what I am going to do now I do not know. I know I need to talk to Draco, I need to find out the truth, even if I have to use occulmancy on him I have to make sure it's not a trap.

And if it's not I am still no less confused. How could I love him, say that I love him, want him and need him, when I not a hour ago I wanted someone else? And what was I feeling for Ginny? What is it between us that allows our minds to connect like that? Am…am I in love with her? I don't know what to do! Or to Feel, or to think! Sirius…where are you when I really need you? I know what I need to do. I need to talk to him….and to someone else I haven't spoken enough to this year, Hermione.


	21. Diary of Draco Malfoy 9

This chapter was reposted after a kind reader brought an error to my attention. Thanks!

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Diary of Draco Malfoy

How did I let this happen? I knew he would never be able to trust me! I should have known better…stupid, stupid, stupid, Draco! Merlin why did I get myself involved with him? I knew it had to be too good to be true, him love me? Thinking he could trust me? Who was I kidding? I'm a Malfoy…no one trusts Malfoy's. Are word means nothing. For once in my life I thought someone could actually see past my name and my father and care about me, trust me…but no….not even Harry can let something like that go.

Today at breakfast I received a letter…which already brought attention to me because mail is normally delivered all at once at lunch, this was a single brown barn owl that I recognized as one of the many school owls. The letter was thrown next to my pumpkin juice. I don't know how I knew it was from him, but I did. When I opened it , under the watchful eye of my fellow Slytherins I was surprised to see that the letter was blank.

"What's that Draco?" Blaze asked me looking over my shoulder.  
"I have no idea…someone is sending me blank sheets of parchment."

"Maybe it has secret ink?" he suggested and pulled out his wand to test his theory but I quickly folded the letter up.

"Well if it is then I guess someone wanted to keep it a secret." I said coldly and glared at him while putting the letter securely in my inner cloak pocket. He gave me a raised eyebrow and then a pouting look that I guess was suppose to be funny.

Later , when I was finally alone in my room, I locked my door and put my wards up to make sure I was not disturbed. Using my wand tip against the paper I said, "Reveal" but nothing appeared. What was he playing at? After several tries at other keywords to get secrets out of paper I finally got the idea. "Harry Potter" I whispered and ink spread out like a spiders web from the tip of my wand to form the word "Midnight" on the parchment which quickly vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Clever."

At midnight I left the Slytherin Common room. Since I had time to get ready I dressed for the occasion, dark blue pants and a black silk shirt mother had gotten me for Christmas, I put my Hogwarts cloak on over this with my prefects badge on the side so that I wouldn't be asked any stupid questions in the hall way. I didn't know where I was suppose to go, but I figured that the hallway where I had found the Room of Requirement, I walked past the wall three times but nothing happened. 'What is going on?' I wondered, 'Where is he?' I looked up through a window to see that it was midnight on the dot. That's when I noticed something white on the ground in front of me. Picking it up slowly and unfolding it I saw that it too was blank, with a smirk I once again muttered the gryffindors name and this time the word , "Courtyard." Appeared before the letter vanished. Curious and a bit annoyed with his game I decided to go ahead and follow his puzzle but told myself that if there was only another letter waiting for me in the courtyard I was going back to bed. Slowly I left the castle, taking a back entrance that I found in my second year, that lead out directly towards the courtyard.

I walked slowly, trying to stay in the shadow, the moon wasn't fully but provided enough light that would illuminate my white hair and complexion to anyone looking down from the towers above. My feet made hardly any noise, neither did the swish of my cloak around my ankles. I walked to the center of the courtyard near the water fountain. No one was there. I sighed. What was he playing at.

Then I heard something. At first I thought it was coming from the fountain! A low growling sound, but it was getting louder and soon I realized with a shot of alarm that it was coming from behind me. Turning quickly and drawing my wand from my cloak I froze. Before me, with in the pitch black of the shadows two glowing green eyes watched me, and the growl got louder. I felt fear slip down my spine and I was frozen to the spot unable to move. But it didn't matter, he moved first.

He had been laying down, I guessed since the motions his eyes made looked as though he were standing slowly to all fours! Slowly with his head down, the creature moved out of the shadow and into the moonlight, walking ever closer to me. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I watched the way his powerful muscles rippled beneath his orange coat. His eyes never left me, his paws made no sound on the pavement, the growling was growing ever louder. I couldn't help but think how strange and mesmerizing his eyes were…what sort of creature was this? Tigers don't live in England! A roll of thunder startled me and I jumped a bit backwards looking to the sky in time to see a flash of lightening.

I looked back at the tiger, who had sat back to watch me. Then it hit me! "Harry?" I asked with wide eyes, my wand hand dropping to my side but my other hand reaching out to him and he moved closer. I was shaking as my hand graced the silk of his coat. He was so soft! Then he closed his eyes and leaned his head into my touch and for some reason I fell to my knees. He moved closer and pressed his head into my chest, I realized then that the growling wasn't what I thought…he was purring!

"Oh…You are so….beautiful!" I exclaimed breathlessly as he allowed me to run my hands down his shoulders and basically embrace him. It was stunning, his body felt so electrified, his black stripped coat was highlighted by the moon and I feel in love with the biggest cat I have ever seen!

Playfully he pounced me and pushed me to the ground, his front paws resting on my chest and his gorgeous emerald eyes looked hungrily down at me. My hands reached up to touch the softest fur of his face and I saw, with a touch of amusement, the black stripes around his eyes, markings unique to him, representing his glasses.  
Small light drops of rain began to fall around us, the drops looked like diamonds over his body. He lowered his head to mine and nuzzled against my cheek and neck, his warm breath sending a quiver through me. It felt strange and exhilarating to have him, a living breathing tiger so close to my throat, the knowledge that if he so desired he could have killed me in an instant thrilled me beyond belief. I couldn't have thought of a better death if he did so.

The rain drops landing on my face where cold and I shivered violently, he pulled back and looked at me with his hungry eyes. Slowly his body changed and soon Harry was resting above me with a warm smile over his lips and the same hunger with in his jade orbs.

"Oh..." I whispered , the moonlight cupped his face elegantly highlighting the black of his hair which was now wet and strands lay against his cheeks and brow. I shook my head in wonder just as his lips came to mine. He was as hungry for me just as his eyes had revealed, for his mouth ravaged mine deeply and I moaned darkly in response. My body became alive with heat and the familiar desire for my lover. I shuddered beneath him and he slowly ended the kiss to look down at me. There was rain on his glasses and in a smooth motion with a shaking hand I slowly slid them from his face.

"Draco..." never have I ever heard my name in a more erotic way, his voice filled with emotion, each part rolling sweetly off his tongue. I closed my eyes and my head fell back. Reading me so well as always his mouth claimed the skin of my throat, but not in sweet kisses as I had expected. No, he sank his teeth into the muscles there causing me to arch violently against him and cry out in surprise. Pleasure flooded me from where his mouth made it's harsh connection with my flesh, never would I have ever thought something like that would instantly arouse me, perhaps the knowledge that a few moments ago he was a tiger and could have very well be feeling the animal instincts of that form still. His animal instinct would have been to devour me, which is exactly what his human from began to do. My arm wrapped around the small of his back and my hand ran through his thick locks of black hair.  
His teeth broke away from me but his tongue slipped from his cruel mouth to lick the wound he had created and I arched again.

"Harry!" I cried out, my voice husky and fully expressing my need for him. I gasped again and again, closing my eyes against the rain as his hands began to roam freely over my front, it was like he was every where at once. Touching, caressing, kissing...it was sweet torture that had me writhing against him in seconds. My hands gripped his soaked shirt just as his teeth found my throat again and he growled softly against me. I swallowed in response waiting...he brushed his teeth against the sensitive marks on my throat.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked softly in the same smooth thrilling tone, warm against my skin. His breath was so warm, so teasing that all I could do was shake my head 'no'. His hands moved up my silk shirt and he moved his body to hover over me. He pulled my shirt up revealing my white skin that seemed to glow in the moon light. The rain drops felt amazing against my heated body. Harry lowered his head and slowly began licking the icy drops from my torso. I closed my eyes and moaned in delight and gasped in alarm as he found, and tortured a hard nipple with his tongue. A growl once again vibrated in his throat just before he closed his teeth around it and bit into me, slowly harder and harder. My hands clung to his shirt or treaded through his wet hair. I couldn't breath...I felt like I was drowning in him and the pleasures the foreign touch created.

"W--what if ...oh...someone sees...us..." I managed to say between moans. He broke away from me causing relief and disappointment in my body. Breathless he hovered over me once again , and once again I felt like prey to his eyes though I had removed his glasses. Then he stood, pulling me by the hands with him. Our aroused bodies came together and he held me tightly to him, his arms around my back and his head resting on my shoulder.

"What is it?" I asked after a moment of just standing there holding one another, I knew something had to be wrong, he was never this quiet. He shook his head into my shoulder and I wondered if he regretted showing me his secret form. I pulled back to look at him and for a moment I thought he was crying, or was it the rain. He didn't let me look at him for too long. He pulled away from our embrace then bent and picked up his forgotten glasses. Was it just me or was he trembling. I walked to him and slipped my hand into his. He didn't look at me.

"Where can we go?" he asked in a trembling voice. I couldn't help but smile a bit and tilt my head at him.

"Come with me..." I whispered, it was my turn to show him something. He only nodded and then let me guide him , stopping for a moment to pick up what I recognized as his invisibility cloak from behind a concrete bench. Once inside the castle our feet made soft squishing noises on the floor and I had to put a silencing charm on both of us.

"Put your cloak on..." I said , pulling him against me and brushing my lips over his. For once his lips weren't hot and didn't sent any sensation through me, they were icy...like mine. I didn't have time to worry over this for then he released my hand and I watched him disappear into his cloak. I took him down the stairs to the dungeon. If he had a problem with this he didn't voice it. I said the password at the entrance to the Slytherin common room and gave him enough time to come in behind me. Thankfully no one was in the common room and we made it quickly to my private chambers.  
Once I was sure he was inside I closed, locked, and warded my door. Turning back around I saw him standing there looking around my room. It was done in complete silver, green, and black...my large four poster bed was even black with dark green silk sheets that I had imported from Paris that were magically stain proof. I blushed a bit as he looked around at the four mirrors in my room.

He was completely soaked, his white school shirt clung to him and I could see the frame of his muscular body easily. I was wet but not nearly as much as he was since his body had been over mine for most of the time.

"Come here..." I whispered and slowly he did so, meeting me half way. Carefully, almost like we were new to it, our lips met sweetly a few times before finally with a low groan he wrapped his arms around me and crushed his lips to mine, his tongue dancing over mine. My hands pulled at his shirt trying to unbutton it but giving up and ripping it open, buttons flying. He would have done the same to me but when our lips broke for air I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the ground. Without warning he basically pounced me again and suddenly we were on my bed, his bare chest pressed against mine and his mouth once again ravaged me.

His hands felt , once again, as though they were everywhere at once. His teeth dug into the opposite side of my neck distracting me as his hands worked on ridding me of the rest of my clothing. It was so fast , he was so ready so wanting, so desperately rough that I soon lost track of what he was doing to me and just reeled in the feelings it caused. His warm rough hand grasped my sex hard and began stroking me hurriedly. Normally I wouldn't have put up with such abuse to my privates but he was so alive and savagely lustful that it only fueled my desire.

Breaking his teeth from me his head tossed back as though he were savoring the flavor of my skin. I watched him as he quickly moved lower and rested on his knees between my spread legs. My eyes had been closed but he requested softly, "Look at me..." and I did. I watched him as he brought my swollen sex to his lips and then devoured me. He didn't take it slow, the exact opposite. He took me all in his mouth as fast as he could, swallowing, licking sucking as his hands groped and molded into me. I kept my eyes open for as long as possible, it was so erotic watching him. Watching his tongue move, his lips fold over the head of me, licking my tip and then starting all over again.  
I knew I would come soon, but I couldn't find the words to ask him to stop. Then without warning, how I hadn't noticed the proximity of his hand, or him removing his clothes is shocking to me still, he slid two slick fingers into me! I gasped as my back arched against his lips and squirmed to get away from his penetrating fingers. But he held me, he wouldn't let me escape his torment.

"HARRY!" I yelled in between incoherent phrases as his fingers slid in and out of me, soaking my opening as his mouth continued to move up and down over my shaft. It was too much...so much pleasure on so many different levels...I wanted to die from it all, just be overwhelmed by his mouth and fingers. My back arched hard...I was about to finish...how he knew that I do not know. He replaced his mouth with his other hand, and quickly replaced his other fingers with his own rigid sex. "Ahh...don't stop I---" I said when his mouth left me. So fast were his movements and the position of himself at my entrance that I didn't even have time to panic before his hand brought me over the edge and he thrust himself fully into me. It was absolutely exquisite! I came quickly but it didn't stop there. Because of my climax I didn't notice the pain his entrance had caused me. Extremely sensitive, my whole body was in ecstasy. It was as though my climax never ended and I lost all focus and sense of myself.

"Draco..." he whimpered against my shoulder as his hips moved back and forth thrusting his member in and out of me. So engrossed in the pleasures he was causing me that when I opened my eyes to see his face a wash with pleasure and concentration I nearly did die of what he was doing to me. My body shook hard as I fell over the edge again, his hand was still stroking my shaft. "Ahhh...so...tight!" he gasped tossing his head back and thrusting harder. He looked down at me, our eyes meeting for an instant and I thought to beg him to stop but nothing was said and he grinded hard into me. Impossibly I felt myself nearing it again...but this was different...I wasn't just climaxing from my sex but from my entrance as well! It was as though my whole body was exploding forth and being controlled and racked with hard erotic pleasure. I felt him swell inside me and with a shuddering groan he spilled inside me, filling me with warmth and I groaned.

Breathing hard his body shuddered along with my own and slowly I pulled him down with my arms to rest him against me. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him close, our bodies still connected and slowly cooling. Exhausted I didn't move much but to brush my finger tips over his shoulder and back, to which he shuddered more. I soon fell asleep feeling totally warn and used up, in a daze I felt him clean up and then I curled into his arms beside him as he pulled my silk sheets over our bare forms.

I woke feeling something I did not expect. Someone was using Legimicy to try and break down my barriers and get into my mind. I slowly woke to see Harry laying beside me, his eyes closed and brows together in concentration.

"What the hell are you doing!" I yelled quickly expelling him from my mind and pushing him hard in the side to get him away from me. I stood from the bed as quickly as possible and looked at him in hurt and anger, not caring that I was completely nude.

He looked at me with shock written over his face, "What? Didn't you think I could feel you? Do you really think you're the only one who knows Legimicy? GET UP! Get the hell out of my room!" I yelled trying not to show how hurt I was.

"You're over reacting---"

"YOU"RE TRYING TO READ MY MIND AND I'M OVER REACTING! What were you looking for? TO see whose side I am on? I thought you bloody trusted me!"

"NO...I just...I...---" he wasn't looking at me and I saw how ashamed he was but I was too angry to stop now.

"GET THE HELL OUT!" I yelled throwing him his still wet clothes. "Just say it, you don't trust me...well if you don't trust me then get out, I don't want anything to do with you! Don't you see how much I am sacrificing...and it doesn't even matter to you!"

"Wait...Draco Please...I'm sorry...I just.."

"No! You can't just go into peoples minds because you have the ability to do so! You don't have the right or the permission! NOW GET OUT!" I said, my heart was racing, I didn't want him to leave but I was so angry.

He tried to look up at me and say something but then he just shook his head and pulled his pants and shirt on. "Fine..." he said then moved past me to pick up his invisibility cloak. But when he did so I didn't move and he stopped just in front of me, staring into my eyes. "Please..." he asked in a soft tone.

"Why did you?" I asked in a cold voice.

"Because...I..."

"You don't trust me...you think I am going to turn you into my father or the death eaters..." I shook my head sadly and moved away from him. "I thought you were different." I muttered and I don't even know if he heard me.

"I'm sorry I--"

"Get out."

"Please---"

"GET OUT."

I wanted to get away from him needed to be away from him, from his regretful eyes, from the pleading of his voice. He hurt me, I never let anyone hurt me. I felt dirty, I wasn't good enough the way I was...there was something wrong about me that he would never be able to accept. I didn't even turn to look back at him, but when I finally did, he was gone. I sank to the ground there and hugged myself. How stupid am I, to think that he would be different? To think that a Malfoy could be loved and learn to love. It was a foolish fling...but then why does my chest ache so much? Why does my head feel light and dizzy...why...now that I fear I may never touch him, hold him, kiss him, again does it hurt much worse than before? Why did he have to do that? Why couldn't he have just trusted me? Because of who I am...because I am a Malfoy...I am a Death Eater...and we are incapable of honesty, goodness and not deserving of love.

I sit here now, in my room, I haven't moved since he left. Pansy has knocked on my door several times but I just ignore her. What have I done? Should I have just let him explain? Would I have been wrong? What was he looking for. I just don't understand...how can he say he loves me (large drop of ink, finger prints in the ink, the next page is torn out)

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter

How could I be so stupid! I should have listened to Hermione! Why don't I ever listen to her? Merlin I bet he hates me now! How could I! Ugh! I should go find him and try to explain but he was right! I tried to use Legimicy against him because I was scared he was only tricking me. But what does he have to hide? No I shouldn't have done it without permission I should have asked him to let me...I should have...but I didn't. He threw me out of his room so fast my head was still in shock from the impact of it all. He was so angry, so cold and I deserved it. Some how I have got to beg him for a second chance!

I showed him my animagus form last night, to which he seemed totally bewitched by me. Despite my hunger for him , in both forms, I couldn't help but think about what Ginny and Mcgonoall said. I wanted to just ask him the truth,but I knew he could always lie. This is so frustrating! I have to talk to him...maybe give him some time to cool off.

I guess I should write down what Hermione told me so then I won't forget. I found her in the library the other morning , just sitting there reading as normal and after watching her work busily for a moment I finally got the guts up to talking to her. After getting her attention she shyly asked me how I was doing.

"I need your help." I then explained how someone I had been with, not saying any names so I wouldn't make an enemy out of Ron who actually has been avoiding me since what happened in the locker room the other day, but he doesn't seem mad about it, just embarrassed, I told her how they had 'opened their channels' to me and let their emotions overwhelm me. I wondered how it was possible and why. Her face actually lit up, I guess she hasn't been asked for advice In a while.

"Well, I did read somewhere once about that happening...but that was only because the two people were bonded in someway or another."

"Bonded, what do you mean?"

"Well there are several different kinds of bonds between wizards. The most powerful of course is the bond between soul mates, then there is the bond between twins, then family. Other more rare ones are ones such as if a wizard saves another's life, then they are connected--"

"Yes I know about that one." I said between clinched teeth to which she gave me a strange expression that I couldn't explain.

"Well...I could start searching through some books and get back to you?" she suggested tilting her head to one side.

"Alright thanks...let me know what you find out.." I said with a small nod and a smile which she returned.

"One more thing…um… Legimicy."

"What about it?"

"Well….are there any laws on it?"

"There are only a select few wizards in the world who have the skills enough to be able to find it useful but yes there are a set of guidelines that the ministry set out in 1705. Why?"

"Did these laws say anything about using it on someone without permission?"

"Yes actually…that is suppose to be strictly prohibited unless the wizard is under orders from the ministry or in danger of his or her life." She said In her normal logical tone. "Harry, is there someone you want to use it on and not let them know?" she asked simply trying to imply nothing.

"Yes."

"I wouldn't recommend it." She said looking away from me and back down to her book, "If they figured it out then it could really hurt them. And then also…you might find something that you don't want to know. " she looked back up at me and smiled a bit.

"Let me know if you need help with anything else."

Coming back from Draco's I found a book sitting outside my door wrapped in parchment, I guess she didn't think I wanted anyone to see it. The book was titled 'Bonds, Psychic Links, and the Connections Between Us'. I muttered a "thanks" to Hermione before going to my room. I've been looking through it but still I haven't found anything close to what I experienced with Ginny the other day. I guess I should do a little of my own research.


	22. Diary of Harry Potter 8

Hello again everyone! Once again I am so sorry it took so long I know that most of you have probably lost all interest in reading the rest of this story but hey, writting it gives me something to do while working. Anyway, I am going to try and get Part 1 of this story finished as quickly as possible so please be patient and Review! Hehe thanks!

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter:

"WHERE IS HE?" Pansy screamed at me as she ran across the expansive lawn of the grounds in front of the castle and came face to face with me, I had stood quickly when I saw her heading and glaring in my direction as she pushed past a group of first years who were heading back up the trail to the castle.

"What?" I asked looking at her strangely. Neville, Ron and Seamus, who had been sitting with me stood up behind me and were giving Pansy probably a very similar expression as I was.

"WHERE IS HE?" She yelled and pushed me hard in the chest. She was crying hysterically, her nose was red and cheeks puffy. I realized then exactly who 'he' was and my eyes must have gone wide for she glared even harder at me.

"Don't look at me like you have no idea because I know you do! You've taken him haven't you? Where did you take him! He won't tell you anything...oh you will pay for this Potter--" she said between clinched teeth hatred dripping from every word.

"Who the blazes is she talking about?" Ron asked in a confused voice behind me.

"Malfoy..." I whispered.

"I knew it! You took him! Let him go now...where are you keeping him?" she began looking around as though she thought she would see him hiding somewhere.

"What the devil would we want with ferret boy?" Ron asked and the Gyrffindors laughed.

Pansy pulled out her wand and pointed it directly at Ron's chest, "How dare you--"

"Mrs. Parkinson! What do you think you are doing?" Hermione's voice said from behind her startling all of us, though she was still technically a prefect ever since the start of the year she had not really disciplined any of the students. She was walking as fast as she could towards our little 'party'. Pansy did not lower her wand but instead turned it and her blood shot eyes to Hermionie. "You...you're apart of this, you're the brains of this "golden little trio", you must have told them to take him...why? I'll kill you all if you don't let him go."

Hermione looked horrified, but I could senses that it was not in fear but in shock that Pansy was capable of such strong emotions.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." she said after stopping a few feet in front of her.

"She thinks we've kidnapped Malfoy." Neville said to my right who was trying to keep Ron from flat out tackling Pansy for threatening his girl friend.

"No I know you did...just you wait unti---"

"Are you saying that Malfoy is missing?" Hermione asked with a surprised expression.

"Stop acting like you don't know anything, you're the only ones who could have taken him!"

"No..." I said softly and everyone tuned to look at me, "No...No we're not..." I shook my head and looked up at Pansy. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"What does it matter , you're the one who took him...he was suppose to be watching you and now he's missing it's your fault!" the crying girl this time turned her wand thankfully away from Hermione and now pointed it at me.

"I did not take him, none of us did." I said in a very serious voice. "But if you help us maybe we can get him back...alive..."

"Me? Help you?" she asked and then laughed, "You're trying to trick me...just like you did to him!"

"No...I'm not...look...even if we did take him you killing us all isn't going to get him back--"

"No but it would make me feel a lot better." she said with a glare. I could see out of the corner of my eye Hermione pulling her wand from her robe pocket as slowly and inconspicuously as possible.

My mind was reeling trying to figure out a way out of this situation with out having to resort to using spells, not to mention that if I was going to find Draco I would need Pansy's help.

"I can prove it to you..." I said in a firm voice.

"WHAT!" Ron and Pansy yelled at the same time.

"I said I can prove it to you that I did not take him..."

Though her wand did not move she seemed to be thinking about it, "How?" she finally said.

"I have a map--"

"NO!", "Harry Don't tell her!" said my two friends behind me. I hushed them with a look.

"I have a map that shows everyone in or around the castle, there is no way I could have kidnapped him and taken him off of the grounds...someone would have noticed, like the other two spy's you have on me for instance." I said and pointed over my shoulder were a Slytherin 7th year stood watching us, failing at his attempt at looking casual by the edge of the lake.

"The only place I could have taken him to would have been somewhere here in the castle...right?"

She thought about it for a moment, her wand still pointed at me though she glared a the Slytherin boy for a moment she otherwise did not take her eyes from me.

"Alright...where is this map...?" she asked still glaring at me, her tears had finally stopped.

Glaring all the while Ron dug in my book bag and found the old piece of parchment and turned around so that he could whisper the words "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." with out Pansy hearing. Turning back he handed me the map which I then offered to Pansy. Slowly, she took it with her other hand, as though afraid that if she were to lower her wand for one moment we would all attack her.

Finally her eyes moved over the parchment looking at each moving dot in search for her classmate.

"He's not here..." she said after ten minutes. "How do I know this isn't fake? " she asked though her voice held little conviction.

"Look a little out on the grounds by the tree." Hermione said behind her. Pansy dropped the map, having obviously seen 5 dots one with each of our names beneath it.

After moment of shaking her head she said, "But then...who could have taken him."

"I don't know...but I promise you that I will find out…and I know that we could find him a lot faster if you were to help us."

"How...?" she asked in a voice hardly a whisper still shaking her head as if in disbelief.

"First...when was the last time you saw him? " I asked her in as calm a voice as I could muster , I could feel Ron's frustration and anger behind me, and Neville's concern and confusion, Hermione was just watching the other girl with a thought filled expression but was otherwise unreadable.

" Last night...he came back to the Slytherin common room...I know because I have a charm that lets me know when ever he comes back...but last night he wasn't alone. I know that much because he never turns his wards and silencing charms on unless he has company. "

I tried to hide my surprise at learning she had charms to alert her when he came back to the common room, I knew also that I was the one who was with Draco last night...and I tried to keep from remembering how we had fought.

"He didn't get up for breakfast...his room was still locked...but he wasn't there...I got worried so I broke through his spells but when I got inside he wasn't there. I searched the whole castle but I knew he wouldn't be there... I knew he had been taken by someone. I've been in his room many times, and though there wasn't anything really out of place it just had a very strange feel and smell to it." she said with another shake of her head as a tear rolled down her cheek.

I nodded and then turned to Ron who had moved to stand beside Hermione and had his arm around her waist glaring ruefully at Pansy.

"You two get the D. A together...Neville very discreetly ask the professors if they know anything...Pansy..." I said, she looked back up at me , "Can you talk to the other Slytherins and see if you can get anything out of any of them?"

"Good luck.." she said with a snort and pocketed her wand.

"Please try?"

"Where are you going?" Ron called back, I could hear the anger in his voice and I knew he and I would have to talk later.

"Dumbledore's"

"Do you think he had something to do with this?" Hermione asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know...but I do know that there are very few things that go on in this castle with out him knowing about it. Then again, he might have had something to do with it...but I just don't know... I'll meet you all in the R.R" I said and turned and quickly walked back to the castle.

I didn't have to go to Dumbledore's office he was there standing just inside the castle in the entrance hall, just standing there as though he had been waiting for me. I stopped just inside the hall and glared at him, my heart was racing the anger that I had for him was still overpowering any rational thought in my mind.

"What part did you have in this old man?" I asked between clinched teeth.

"Of what matter are you speaking of, Harry?" he asked , that amused glint as always taunting me from his eyes.

"Malfoy….Where is he?" I asked, tried of his games, I just wanted answers.

"Ah, yes…I was aware that Mr. Malfoy's whereabouts are currently unknown, professor Snape informed me this morning that he had plans to meet with his student and he did not make the appointment. But we are as of yet unable to determine where or what has happened to him."

"How did they get him off the grounds with out anyone noticing?" I asked, my anger abating in light of the situation. If Dumbledore was not responsible for Draco's disappearance then I would probably need his help as well as Pansy's to find him.

"The Professors and I are still trying to figure that one out as well, Harry."

"Let me know if you find anything." I said curtly and started to walk away from him.

"Do you intend to find him, then?" my headmaster asked in an amused tone.

"You know I do."

"Harry, I must advise you to not do so…isn't it possible that all of his affections and attentions towards you was only a means to achieve the goal of bring you to Voldemort?" he asked, I didn't look at him, but my shoulders slacked of their own accord.

"Yes…it is possible…" I said finally turning to look into the strange eyes of my once mentor. "But you don't know the things I feel from him…the feelings, emotions and thoughts that I can sense in him…there is something good about him, I know it…."

"But you know, better than I, that those feelings can be false...remember it is not just your life that you sacrifice by making such rash decisions—"

"I know!" I yelled at him, my fists clinching at my sides as I interrupted him, "Don't you think I know that? Merlin, it's all I think about, all day…that damned prophecy which since you've lied to me about everything else in my life I don't even know if it is true! But one thing I do know is that if you had not "prearranged" my friendship with Ron and Hermione then Draco and I would have been friends a long time ago---"

"Which is exactly what I was trying to avoid, I knew with out my interference you and he would eventually be acquaintances." The old wizard said, surprising me enough to straighten up and look at him oddly.

"Why? Because you thought he would turn me into a death eater?" I asked confused "Well I know that never would have happened…..I'm not like that. I was never like that even before I came here I would have never been on that side of the spectrum---"

"No…Harry I knew you would never …the prophecy shows that you are the one who can defeat Voldemort, I never had any doubt of the person you would become."

"Then why---?"

"Because…there…" he looked away from me for a moment, "Because there is a Prophecy about Mr. Malfoy as well." I blinked in surprise.

"W-what does it say?"

He cleared his throat, "Unfortunately I was not there when the seer spoke the prophecy about Mr. Malfoy but the words are written down in my office if you would like to read---"

"I want to read it now." I said and turned to walk towards his office, I think I heard him sigh behind me but I didn't care. I waited for him at the entrance to his office at the stone gargoyle. Finally he arrived and opened the entrance and I followed him up the spiral stair case to his chamber.

I didn't sit as we walked in but crossed my arms and waited impatiently.

Sitting on Dumbledore's desk was a small silver box that I had previously thought was a snuff box but I was proven wrong as the headmaster pulled a small silver key from mid air and unlocked the box, revealing a single piece of white parchment. He pulled it out and handed it to me.

**_As the one with the power to vanquish the dark lord rises to our world_**

**_The power of his betrayer grows stronger_**

**_Born to those who serve serpents best_**

**_In platinum light the truth Is known_**

**_Darkness lies secretly with in an unknown heart_**

**_And the champion will find his demise in his own_**

**_The One with the ability to destroy the savior of the world shares his fate_**

**_His power is his lips the weapon, his kiss_**

**_As their love severs the darkness, despair consumes_**

**_The one who holds the power to crush the hero_**

**_Will change the heart of the world._**

I read it over and over trying to make since of the entire thing, but it wouldn't sink in. When I finally looked up at the headmaster he was sitting behind his desk watching me closely.

"How…how do you know for sure that this is about Draco?" I asked in a weak sounding voice.

"Can't you see it, Harry? Born to those who serve serpents best? Platinum…think of his hair and his fathers and mothers as well. Harry who else could it be?" the old headmaster asked me quietly giving me a pitying expression.

"I won't believe it…you're just trying to control me again!" I yelled as I backed away from the door the parchment clutched in my hand.

"No, Harry…I'm not…use your legimancy if you must, but know that I am not lying…I did not make this prophecy nor your own up…Wait Harry!---" he cried out as I turned and left his office slamming the door behind me.

I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't believe it. I felt a hot tear stream down my cheek as I finally made it to the hall way. My mind was running in circles as my feet carried me of their own accord.

Could it be possible that it was all just a game, just some messed up trick of Draco's and his families to try and kill me? But what about all of the things I felt from him? Felt when I was inside him? I felt like I was going to be sick. I made it into an empty room and slammed my back into the wall beside the door after I closed it and then crumbled sobbing to the floor, the parchment still clutched in my hand.

"Harry?" a voice called out to me surprising and shocking me so that I stood again quickly. Ginny stood before me looking at me with very concerned eyes. I felt stupid for having not sensed her, then again maybe I had sensed her which is why I had ended up there alone with her, who knows. We were in the Room of Requirement, it was done up as the D.A room but we were totally alone.

"Are you alright?" she asked, stopping a few feet in front of me. I didn't say anything only nodded and looked down at the paper in my hand for a moment before pushing it into my pocket.

"You're going after him aren't you?" she asked tilting her head to one side, there was something deeply sad in the way she was looking at me and I could feel her anguish as easily as I could feel my own. I closed my eyes against her emotions and tilted my head back against the wall.

"Yes…" I finally said, I didn't realize at first that my body was shaking but It was. I

"There is nothing I can do to try and stop you, is there?" she said in a defeated tone and I reopened my eyes to see that she had turned away from me. Only the movements of her shoulders revealed her tears.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, I knew what she was thinking, I was betraying them all. Draco was our enemy and now I was leaving all of them, including Ginny who loves me, to go and try and rescue him.

"Why? Why is he so important to you? Why can't you see that this is what they want?" she asked, her voice cracking a bit.

"Because…I don't know anything for sure….I don't know what is true and what isn't true….something in my heart pulls me to him, I…I love him, Ginny…and that to me is worth the entire world." I said taking a few cautious steps towards her. She must have felt me moving for a moment later she turned and flung her arms around my neck and clung to me desperately.

"You are so Stupid!" she proclaimed, "They are going to kill you!" sobbing into my shoulder. I rubbed her back lightly trying to calm her.

"Not unless I get to them first…" I said with a shake of my head and a small smile. I pulled back and brushed the tears from her cheek and lost myself in her intense brown eyes. I could feel her fear then, her pain at losing me, her desire to find someway for me to stay. Her emotions were once again being projected towards me and I closed me eyes to them, part of me wanting to push them away and the other part of me wanting them more and more each second.

"Stop it…" I whispered.

"Stop what?" she asked in a genuinely confused and slightly hurt tone. When I looked into her eyes I could see that she was watching me carefully as though she thought something was wrong, and I realized that this time she didn't even know it was happening. Her hand came and cupped my cheek but not in any romantic way as she stared into my eyes.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked softly , I could feel her concern and her worry, and her love for me as it swelled forth and washed over me. I don't know how but I knew that as my eyes closed once again to her emotions that her eyes had drifted to my lips.

"Harry….don't go…" she whispered.

"I have to….I'm sorry…" I said looking back at her. "Even if this is just a trap the reason Draco is missing in the first place is because of me."

"But…You didn't even go after---" she cut off and her cheeks flushed.

"I know…and I should have…but this time…I—"

"It's different because you're in love with him?" she asked as a tear rolled down her cheek. She tried to turn away from me but I held her arms tightly and she shook her head. "Just go then….leave everyone who has ever cared about you over someone who is destined to kill you!" she stammered between sobs.

"You know about his prophecy?" I asked and she froze, tears still falling down her cheeks.

"Yes…since the day I told Dumbledore about you and Malfoy….I was standing out side his office when I heard him talking about it to someone."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…I was afraid you wouldn't believe me." She said with her head low and I blinked at her a few times.

"Oh, Ginny…I'm sorry…." I said, and if felt as though I would never say that enough to her or any of the Gryffindor after this.

"Please don't go…You don't even know where it is that he has gone—"

"No…but I think Pansy can help me with that…they are suppose to be coming here soon."

She shook her head sadly, "He doesn't deserve you Harry…..even if what you say about him is true…he still doesn't deserve you." I smiled a bit and planted a small kiss on her brow and froze at the emotions it cause.

I decided that as soon as I got back from finding Draco I was going to figure out what the hell the connection between she and I was and what had caused it, but after a moment of drowning in her emotions and staring into her eyes our lips met softly and sweetly, again and then again. It wasn't lustful, or passionate, but fearful….and sad….as we both thought over never seeing the other person again.

After the third small kiss she rested her head on my chest and sighed softly and I held her close. The door to the room of requirement opened then and Hermione, Ron, Neville, Seamus, Luna and a curious Pansy walked into the room they all looked at us strangely before we broke apart and moved towards them.

"So this is where you have your little meetings ,eh? How cute." Pansy said sarcastically as she took a seat at one of the tables.

"Look I know it's going to be hard for you to learn what manners are , and I don't even know why Harry is even considering trusting you but before we go why don't you practice that if you can't say something nice then don't open your big mouth." Luna said taking a seat on the other side of the room with a large pillow.

Pansy opened her mouth to retort, "That's enough, come on…we are suppose to be working together."

"Yeah but why?" Ron asked in his angry cold voice.

"If someone has taken Malfoy why the hell should we even care? After everything he has done why should we risk our lives in trying to save him---"

"Because we are better than that." I said trying to come up with some sort of rational reason for my willingness to help him.

"Why the hell do you care so much?" Ron asked turning to glare at me, "Look at what he has done to all of us in the past years, not to mention what he did over the summer" he said giving an apologetic expression to his girl friend whose hand he was holding.

"But if they took him then they must have some reason behind it…a reason that we need to investigate." Neville said thoughtfully.

"What if it is just a trap."

"No…I don't think they would have expected Harry to go and rescue him." Pansy said from the corner , her chin was in her hand propped up on the table and seemed to be thinking hard on something.

"Well at least we will have the element of surprise." Neville said with a smirk at Luna.

"I'm going alone."

"WHAT?" Everyone but Pansy and Ginny yelled at once.

"I am the one that they want if this is in fact another trap, and it's my decision to go. I know all of you want to help me in the fight against Voldemort and you will but right now this is a rescue mission…which is what the Department of Mysteries was suppose to be …and I don't want anyone else getting hurt." I said in a very final way.

"But where would they have taken him?" Ginny asked me trying to change the subject. At this everyone turned and looked at Pansy.

"What?" she asked loudly looking back at all of us as though we were crazy before sighing. "Alright, alright….the only place that I can think of would either be where the lord is hiding, but don't ask because I don't know where that is, our minds are cleaned of that information every time. But ….maybe…the manor?" she suggested.

"What manor?" Ron asked in a harsh annoyed way.

"Malfoy manor you dimwit." She said and I could see Ron struggling to keep his temper under control.

"Do you know how to get there?" I asked quickly.

"Yes, " she nodded, " But it will take you two days to get there and there is only one way in---"

"So they will know you're coming." Hermione said in a shaking voice, I noticed then that she had been looking at me with a very concentrated expression like she was trying to figure something out, but when I looked at her as she spoke she quickly broke her gaze away from me.

"Did you learn anything from the Slytherins?" I asked her.

Shaking her head , "No, and if I would have pushed anymore it would have seemed suspicious."

"Neville?"

"Not a thing, McGonagall seemed really worried though and Snape just slammed the door in my face." He said with a shrug.

"Alright then, it seems the only plan so far is to go to Malfoy Manor and see if that is where they are keeping him, and maybe find some answers or clues if he is not there."

"What about the order?" Asked Ron who was still glaring at me.

"What about them?"

"Isn't this something that we should let them know about? I am sure that they would have a problem with you going at this alone."

"Dumbledore already knows that I intend to go after him…if he gets the order involved that is his decision, I will just have to hope that they will stay out of the way and not get them selves or Draco hurt."

"Draco? You're calling him Draco now?" Ron asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I….um…."

"What time are you planning on going?" Ginny asked out of the blue and I said a silent thank you to her in my mind.

"I don't know, I will have to find out what time the Hogwarts Express can leave---"

"Noon tomorrow." Pansy said with a smirk and we all looked at her with raised eyebrows. "What? So I looked into it."

"Alright then…Noon tomorrow it is….Pansy can you write down some directions for me?"

"Yeah sure." She said in a cynical tone.

I sighed a bit, "Okay…well then…um.."

"I still don't like you going alone." Luna said with a shake of her head and others nodded in agreement.

"I know, but it's the way it has to be. Dumbledore already knows that I am planning on leaving I am pretty sure that he wouldn't let any of you come with me---"

"So? We left for the Dept. of Mysteries with out him knowing!" Ron said loudly.

"Come on guys, I don't want anyone to get hurt…besides we don't even know if that is where he is…---"

"Yeah but just because he isn't there doesn't mean that there wont be death eaters there!"

"Look, I am going alone and that is it…I know I can't keep you from following me if you want to on your own but I am asking you to please stay and make sure that no one else goes missing….keep me informed of everything going on. Hermione, you take over the D.A lessons…and Ron if anything happens…" I said in a very serious tone locking eyes with the redhead, "You're in charge, you have the best strategic skills over us all and if the death eaters choose to make a direct attack on the school---"

"But they won't…will they?" Neville asked in a nervous tone, "I mean why would they?"

"To weaken the other side by lowering moral and raising fear to high levels. Being able to infiltrate what the wizarding population considers an un damageable location." Pansy said as though in a trance.

"Huh?" Ginny , Luna, and Neville asked all at once. Pansy rolled her eyes.

"Think about it, everyone in the world thinks that Hogwarts is the safest place to be, and that The Dark Lord only fears Dumbledore…if they were able to get to the school it would show just how powerful they are, and everyone would be afraid and probably too much so to fight against them."

"That's a good point…" Hermione said as though deep in thought, "Alright then, Harry we will send you any information on what happens over here and we will have to start training the D.A for on ground attacks."

"Formations.." Ron stated, "We have to teach them formations, find the weakest points of the wards around the grounds and castle and strengthen them…and then work around the areas that are most likely going to be attacked. "

"Sounds like you have your work cut out for you then." I said with a smirk feeling enthused and heartened that Ron was up for the challenge of taking over the D.A and preparing for an attack.

"Alright, everyone know what they are doing?" the circle of somber people nodded , "Any questions, then?" no one said anything, "Good…see you in a few days."

Luna and Neville left first then Ron and Hermione, who both gave me strange expressions as they did so, Ginny gave me a long hug before walking out the door, Pansy however cornered me.

"I don't care what you say or think but I am coming with you."

"No---"

"Shut up, Potter. You can't do anything about it, I am the one who knows how to get there and he is my fiancé so I am going with you weather you like it or not." She said glaring at me, and though her mention of their engagement struck a jealous nerve in me , I knew that I would need her to lead me to the manor.

"Fine," I said with a sigh, "But know that if you betray me---"

"Oh back off, Potter… I'm just trying to find him as much as you are, Merlin knows why you're really so interested in your enemies well being , but as little as I want to admit it I will need your help if I am going to get him back alive." She said interrupting me and then turning on her heal to the door.

"See you at noon tomorrow." She said then closed the door behind her with a short snap.

Tomorrow…if only I could leave today, right now. I am writing this I wonder if I will ever make it back to this school, and if not what will become of Hermione and Ron. Merlin please help me…what if the prophecy about him is true? What if he is just using me? No…I still can't believe that…I know what I felt…what I saw in his eyes…I just want him to be okay…I wish he were here….in my arms. I would have never thought that anyone could just be taken from Hogwarts like that…just vanish without a trace. Tomorrow…I hope I am not too late.


	23. The End of the Begining

Hey Everyone,

I am once again very sorry that it took me so long to get another update out but I was honestly having trouble getting this done the way I wanted it and started writting it three times before and threw it out, but I think this is basically how I want it. Let me know what you all think...plllleeeaaasseee! I know it says that this is the end, and it is, it is the end of Part one, beacause this story is solong and it goes between the 6th year and the 7th year I decided to make it in parts. But Don't worry I am already starting on the second . Oh, and If you are a little confused on what is going on just e-mail me, but trust me that it will all be explained in the end.  
PhantomWriter

* * *

Diary of Harry Potter

'_Is it over? Or has it just begun_?' That was the thought that ran through my mind as my immobile body was being dragged by some unknown force. Swirling in my vision was the flickering ten foot high flames of the burning building that I was being saved from. Weather or not the soul dragging me knew, I would have preferred to be left inside the inferno behind us to suffer the dark fate I deserved. What side my rescuer was on didn't matter to me…in the last moments of consciousness, nothing really mattered.

But I am getting ahead of myself, aren't I? I should start from when we left, Pansy and I, left Hogwarts for Malfoy Manor. I was unable to tell if she was frightened or not, she had been well trained in hiding her aura as well as keeping her face totally void of emotion. We spoke little on the thirty hour train ride, arriving to Kings Cross and boarding a second train to take us far east, both of us lost in troubled thoughts staring out the window yet seeing nothing. Several times I caught her watching me as though there was something she either misunderstood or wanted to ask me, but she never did.

The few things we did speak of were only about what was going to happen when we arrived, how we were going to enter through the house elf entrance and then start our search together. I couldn't help but remind her a few times what would happen if she were leading me into a trap, but some how I know she is not. I can see in her eyes how truly terrified she is that we will be too late to save her fiancé. The whole time I felt numb , with a dull throbbing running through my head, like I was trapped in some surreal nightmare that couldn't possibly be coming true.

It was pitch black when the train arrived in a small Muggle village and we exited the train slowly, both cloaked in black head to foot and we had both placed very strong _notice-me-not_ spells on ourselves and concealment charms on our faces. We stopped for something to eat in the train station but neither of us could stomach much. Then we began the long walk to Malfoy manor.

"Is walking really necessary?" I had asked her in a whispered tone as we walked from the end of the sidewalk to a dirt trail leading into a thick forest.

"Yes." She said in a short bitter tone. "It may not be the fastest but risking anything else would be far too dangerous…not to mention draw a lot of attention from the Ministry. Apart from apparating the only other way to find it with magic would be a port key." She explained in a tired impatient tone not even turning to look at me as she spoke.

Silently we walked on from then, stopping once or twice to rest and catch out breath. The darkness was overwhelming as though we were being swallowed by it inside the forest. The tree tops allowed no view of the stars and I felt claustrophobic. I longed to move faster to get find him and save him. My heart beat was a forever loud thumping inside my skull. Pansy must have felt it as well for I could hear her breathing grow shallow beside me. It seemed like hours before she finally signaled me to stop and muttered a silencing charm on her cloak, shoes, and body and motioned for me to follow suite.

Walking forward I realized she was holding her breath as we stepped out of the protection of the thick woods into a small clearing where a twenty foot high metal rod fence stood before us. It was covered in dried old vines and slightly rusted. Looking beyond I saw nothing….just a thick fog and the tops of trees lay beyond the fence.

"How can we see it?" I asked in a horse whisper leaning very close to her so that my voice would not carry beyond her ears.

Unanswering she pointed her wand directly at one of the large rods that made up the fence and muttered "_manifesto nihil non_". I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my mouth as in a golden wave of magic the fog faded , the tree tops vanished, revealing and enormous black and silver mansion before us in the distance. My eyes were wide in wonder as I looked over the place, it was incredible, like a small castle, actually I wondered if it was even smaller than Hogwarts itself. Tiers and stained glass windows adorned the black bricks. The entire place seemed to pulse and breath magic, and darkness.

"Come on, Potter!" Pansy hissed to me and I blinked to see that she had begun to move around the metal fence along the edge of the forest. We were running now, her cloak whipped out silently behind her as she moved in front of me. My eyes wondered back and forth between her and the dark mansion. The sense of forboding was overwhelming, but there was nothing that was going to stop me from getting inside that house.

After about ten minutes she stopped , I nearly ran into her. "Here." She whispered crouching down and looking out over the yard to the house, I could see that we were not obviously in the back of the house.

"See that small door beneath the stairs?" she asked right in my ear, so close I could feel the moisture of her breath. I only nodded in response. "That's where the house elves go in and out….that is probably the only way to get in undetected."

"what about the House elves? Wont they alert Malfoy?" I whispered in return. "I'll take care of that…."

"How are we going to get through this gate?" I asked raising and eye brow but figuring that I had trusted her so far that she would be able to handle the House elves true to her word.

She smirked then and looked up at the sky towards the end of the twenty foot high fence. "_Mobilicorpus" _she said pointing her wand right at me and I felt my body grow weightless and like a orchestra conductor guided me over the top of the gate. About ten feet from the ground she said, "_nox" _and I fell the rest of the way, landing roughly on my feet and nearly falling into the fence. I straightened and gave her a glare but she only smirked.

I did the same spell to her, only I was kind enough not to drop her from ten feet up and we then proceeded in a near crawl towards the mansion. It was so dark , there were no lights in any of the windows and I wondered what time it was for no one to be moving about, even a house elf.

Once at the foot of the mansion I was once again overwhelmed by the mear size and structure of the thing. No wonder Draco was so spoiled, living in a place like this, so vast. A soft "A_lohomora!_" brought my attention back and I turned to see Pansy pushing the small black door open , strangely no light emitted from the opening of the door. She turned to look at me once before she slid gracefully into the house and I followed soon after, falling a small distance into a hallway no taller than the doorway its self. Though crouched down I pointed my wand directly ahead of me in the pitch darkness. I could feel and hear Pansy to my left but even though she was right next to me I could not see her.

"We need light." She muttered but did not light a lumos spell, it would have been way too bright and she and I both knew it. With a mental sigh I conjured a ball of blue mage light into the palm of my hand. It illuminated the hall way just before us. From the corner of my eye I could see Pansy watching me with a slightly surprised expression before moving in front of me hunched over to walk slowly down the filthy hallway.

Several moments later she stopped and motioned me to put the light out, doing so I saw the golden light flickering just before us. In the light I could see her reach into her pocket and pull out something small and silver that I could not quite make out. A few small steps forward and she pushed the object out of the hall way and into the orange light.

"Cover your ears!" she directed to me in a hiss, her doing the same. I put my palms over my ears though I did give her a strange expression. After several minutes she moved forward again to the end of the hallway and dropped into the room with the orange light. As I followed her, with some difficulty since I still had my hands over my ears, I dropped out of the hall way which appeared to actually be some sort of shoot that led directly into the kitchens. Looking around I saw that there was a small fire going in a large fireplace which flooded the room with golden light. I held back another small gasp as I saw about twenty to thirty house elves laying un-moving on the ground.

With an impatient poke in my side Pansy motioned me to move towards a large door to the left of the room. As silently as possible she pushed the door open, looked out of it and then moved out of the warm kitchen into an icy hall way.

"What did you do to them?" I asked after the door closed behind us.

"Shhh!" was her only response as she moved away from the door and pressed her back against the wall. There were green flamed torches lining the stone hall way and I assumed we had moved into some part of a dungeon for there were no paintings, rugs, tapestries or anything else to suggest that this portion of the mansion was occupied.

"We have to move down this hall and up the back stair case, Draco's room is on the third floor east wing….I just hope that he is there…." Her voice trailed off sadly as she raised her wand to eye level and moved down the hall way. I still don't know how she was able to keep her aura and emotions so internal, I couldn't read anything from her and it had begun to concern me. I wanted to know for certain that she wasn't leading me into a trap but what other choice did I have?

I followed close behind her, keeping my wand at the ready, though I knew that if something were to happen my wand wouldn't really be necessary, though it did help me concentrate my powers and would keep me from depleting my magical energy as quickly in a duel in a bad situation my abilities in a way took over with out my minds guidance.

At the end of the hall we came to a spiral set of stairs that was intricately carved into the very stone of the wall and worked it's way up through what I would have to guess was the center tier. As we walked silently upwards I noticed the ominous details of serpents adorning the walls and steps. As we reached the end of the third spiral Pansy moved with her wand directly in front of her out onto the landing of the third floor. I followed soon after and did the same, turning with my wand in a circle to look in all directions, but there was nothing, and no one. Unlike the dungeon like hall now three stories below us this portion was magnificently decorated with Silver and Green, the Slytherin crest adoring the plush rug beneath our feet, Snakes and the Malfoy crest ran along the walls leading to twin double doors. Green torches once again lighted our way, casting our shadows before and around us.

The silence of the house was deafening, even this late there should have been some sound, something to alert us to weather or not anyone was even at the house.

"Look." Pansy said into my ear and pointed with her wand to the bottom of the doors down the hall, there was a soft golden light coming from beneath the doors and I felt my heart skip a beat. If there was a fire then there had to be someone there, if that was Draco's room then it must be him? That means he's alright? Right? My mind was inisiting but I had to reason with myself before busting in expecting the best , hopes high. The silence, the light, how easy it was to get into the mansion, it was all too much like a trap….and I shouldn't expect any less.  
But Pansy moved quickly to the door, "Wait!" I whispered but she beat me to the door and I couldn't stop her as she reached for the snake like door handle and pulled the door open, a bright wave of yellow light hit us and I raised my hand to my eyes, though I was still moving towards Pansy. She had stopped in the door way and I ran right into her, flinging my arms around her too keep us both on our feet as the door slammed shut behind us.

"Welcome to my home, Mr. Potter." Came the all too familiar aristrocratic, sly tone of Lucius Malfoy from right infront of us. "_Accio wands!_" he said instantly and both out wands flew from our un-expecting hands to where Malfoy Sr. sat in a large black leather chair and he caught them both with one hand, never taking his eyes or wand off of us. Taking my arms from around Pansy I stood beside her. Just looking at the mans arrogant face caused my blood to boil and all I knew then was the desire to cause him as much pain as he had caused me and my friends.

"So nice of you to lead Mr. Potter here for us, Mrs. Parkinson."

"What?" she asked blinkingly turning to me with a shake of her head.

"You've done well…the dark lord will be pleased with you." He smirked at her watching the dismay on her features , but she was not who I was after, even if she had led me in to this trap it was the platinum blond death eater infront of me that I held the utmost loathing for.

"Where is he?" I asked , my voice cold and shaking with my fury.

Surprising me and apparently Pansy Lucius laughed out right. "Were you really concerned for him, Mr. Potter? Did you really think that I would harm my own son."

"You have before." Pansy said between gritted teeth and at her words the elder Malfoy stood his icy gray eyes burning holes into the girl beside me. Those three words sent a cold chill down my spine.

"Foolish girl…." He said with bitterness dripping from each word as he turned his wand from me to her, "You will pay for your disrespect! _Crucio!_"

"No!" I shouted, knocking Pansy out of the way and taking the full blast of the spell to my own chest I yelled as my body was overcome with intense maddening pain. It was as though every bone in my body was being broken and my blood being pushed from every pour of my skin all the while laughter from my attacker rang like lightening in my ears and I struggled to remain conscious.

"Playing Hero to even those who have betrayed you…." His words broke through the fog of pain, I opened my eyes to see Pansy on the ground watching me with a pale horror stricken face, a tear rolling down her cheek as my body curled into it's self of it's own accord. "That was you're parents fatal mistake as well…the good are too trusting. Did you really think that Draco loved you?" of all the pain I was suffering those words caused the worst of it all. How did he know? Was it all really just a lie? Did Draco really use me to lure me into a trap?

Suddenly the pain stopped and I groaned loudly hearing a soft yell from where my attacker was. Pansy was wrestling with the Death Eater , it looked as though she had tackled him straight to the ground and was now fighting to gain the upper hand. I watched helpless as I struggled to regain the ability to use my limbs , finally I got to my knees just as Malfoy pushed Pansy off of him wand in hand.

"_Ava---_" he started a furious expression over his features, his wand pointed at Pansy. "_Stupify!" _I cried out pulling what available magical force I had inside me and forced the spell towards the man.

Blocking the spell was enough to give Pansy time to move away from his wands line of fire, the spell was reflected back to me and I rolled out of the way and to my feet just in time to avoid being knocked unconscious by my own spell.

I swayed a bit but managed to stay up this time though there were little white stars in my vision and my entire body was still throbbing with the aftermath of the spell.

I held my hands up at the ready to reflect and cast a spell at any moment.

"Put your wand down, Malfoy!" I said icily as I moved around the room keeping up with him as he circled me. As Lucius laughed at me for the second time I saw Pansy slip out of the room and I could only hope that she was going to find Draco.

"You are just like your father…so full of him self he can't see when he is defeated…but don't fret you will meet the same end at the hand of my lord. _Impedimenta!" _he cast at me but I deflected it easily and he dodged it, this time I recast the stunning spell and it was reflected back to me. We tossed spells back and forth for a good few minutes when he laughed again.

"Do you really think you can win? You're already tiring….just give up…like that Muggle born whore did….did she tell you that she started moaning like a tramp as my son ravaged her?"

"Shut up!" I yelled, my heart was racing, pounding loudly in my chest as he taunted me, still circling one another.

"What a fool you are, Potter…to think that someone as pure as a Malfoy could ever love something as filthy as you, did you really think he wasn't going to lead you into this trap? Why not give up? Make it easy on yourself? No one wants you anyway, your best friends hate you, your lover betrayed you…and you know the future…don't you?" he asked, my eyes went wide. Did he know about Draco's prophecy? Of course he did, he's Draco's father…he must have known.

"Yes…just give in to your destiny…there is no fighting it. Draco is the one who has betrayed you with his kiss…and defeated you."

"No…no…" my voice cracked, I shook my head slowly. Draco loved me, I know he did I could feel it inside him could feel it when he was near me…no one can pretend those kinds of emotions…can they? Despite my minds refusal to believe that it was all just a lie, a trap…doubt began to cloud my thoughts.

A feminine scream from somewhere below us startled us both and Lucius Malfoy took the fact that I had turned towards the sound to attack me once more. The stunning spell was too late to block and just as it hit me with a soft pop I turned into my animagus form and staggered back. Lowering my head I bared my tiger teeth at the man whom I hated with every part of my being, but growing dread for the safety of Pansy over came it and I moved quickly out of the room. Lucius finally getting over the shock of my transformation cast a spell after me but hit the door as I ran beneath it, lighting the wood of it on fire.

Not looking back I ran down the green lit hall way, slipping a bit on the stone as I followed it to an open spiral stair case that lead out into an enormous center foyer

As I lept down the stairs as fast as I could I finally came to the main floor and the vision there froze me to the spot and made my blood run cold. There towering over a deathly pale Pansy was a cloaked and masked death eater, it wasn't the fact that a death eater besides Lucius Malfoy was there it was the aura of this death eater. The familiar senses that racked the edge of my nerves and the feeling that I had every time I was near him this time sent a powerful sensation of dread, fear, and made my chest feel as though it had been drained of all air.

The Death Eater turned to me and let out a soft gasp backing away instantly. Was he afraid of me? Did he forget my form?

"Father!" Draco's voice cried out and he looked up behind me and I jumped just in time to get out of the way of another spell and I nearly landed on Pansy who screeched and moved out of the way. With a pop I changed back into my human form.

"YOU!" Draco's voice rang with anger and hatred that I had once known a year ago and it caused my heart to break, "Draco…." I muttered, our eyes meeting and I could feel the true hatred inside his soul that once held such love for me. "Why…" I whispered shaking my head in wonder as I stared at him. He raised his wand at me , "_Avada Kedavra_!" he cried out sending the green lighted spell directly at me.

"No!" yelled both Pansy and Lucius Malfoy, Pansy ran right at me and tackled me to the ground, nearly winding me and the spell hit the main entrance to the house, a large metal door.

"Don't kill him, son…he's for the Dark Lord…remember…" Lucius said as he joined his son on the floor to our left. I pushed the now sobbing Pansy off of me and rolled to my feet.

"Let her go…" I said once and they both laughed.

"What the bloody hell do you care about that blood traitor for?" Draco asked as he turned his wand to her and his father kept his wand on me. They were cornering us, I was backing away closer towards the door when there was a loud banging on the other side causing Pansy to yelp in surprise and for the two death eaters in front of us to jump back.

Using their distractedness, "_Accio Wands!"_ I called out and both wands flew into my out stretched palm from the pocket of Lucius Malfoy. With an angry yelled the elder Malfoy cast at me again, "_Crucio!"_Even at such a short distance I was able to reflect the spell back towards the two death eaters, just as another loud, ear splitting bang came from the other side of the door and the Cruciatus Curse struck Draco right on and he screamed in pain. It took his father a moment to realize what had happened before he was able to end the painful spell, until then I watched in fixated horror as his body struggled with it, his hood falling back revealing his blond hair and pale face tightened in pain.

Suddenly the door behind me and Pansy burst forth opening with a loud bang and slamming into the stone of the wall behind it, once again the Slytherin girl let out a yell of surprise as she and I ran away from the opening doors. Through those doors walked two white clad wizards and one witch with lime green hair. Later I would realize that they were infact the aurors of the Order of the Phenoix but my mind did not have time to register this as spells and curses were instantly being called between the two death eaters and the three aurors.

The green haired witch ran to me and Pansy, "GET OUT SIDE NOW!" she yelled over the noise of the spell casting. Pansy was only too happy to oblige and moved quickly around the aurors, but they were being pushed back outside by the incoming spells of the two Malfoys.

Out side the night was cool but there was a brilliant golden light coming from somewhere above me, at first I thought day light was approaching but after further investigation I saw with absolute horror that the massive mansion was ablaze. "HARRY LOOK OUT!" Pansy screamed somewhere to my right trying to get to me away from the stray spells of the small battle that was slowly moving outside she was running towards me away from the burning mansion when she suddenly froze. Her eyes and mouth went wide in a moment of shock as the dazzling green spell struck her from behind and she fell. It was like watching a doll being dropped as her knees collapsed beneath her and she landed on the ground with a soft, sickening, thud.

From somewhere beyond I could hear and see Lucius Malfoy laughing in a high pitched insane laugh. "NNOOOOOO!" I yelled and I ran, I don't even remember becoming my animagus but in and instant I had lept from the ground with an angry murderous roar from my tigers mouth. Losing all sense of my self I landed atop the elder Malfoy my razor like claws sinking deep into his chest just as my mouth claimed his throat in a bloody massacre of flesh. Knocking his flailing form to the ground, I could feel his life force drifting away as the blood spilled from his throat and the wounds on his chest. The taste of his blood did not sicken me, quite the opposite actually I relished in it…the taste the feel the power it caused. My jaws remained around his throat until I felt the last soft pulse of his slowing heart beat. It was then that I pulled back from my prey , retracted my clalws, to see the victim of my anger.

"FATHER! NOOOO!" Came the strangled cry of Draco Malfoy as he became aware of what had just happened , I backed away slowly from the body of his father , and it was then that I realized what I had done.

I changed back into my human form but could not go back to standing , my mouth was filled with his blood.

"DAMN YOU POTTER! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!" Draco screamed as he clung to his fathers broken and torn body and the mansion behind him burst into flame. He got to his feet and pointed his wand at me, the hatred and anger that poured from his words and from his eyes made my heart grow cold, what had I done? Three aurors pointed right back at him. Just as I was about to tell him to let him kill me there was an enormous explosion from the mansion, bursting out windows on all floors sending glass shattering down to all of us. The aurors shielded themselves from the falling glass and from the force of the explosion, I fell back wards, not even caring to protect my face from the glass. When I looked back to the castle Draco and his fathers body were gone and darkness was all I knew until I woke being dragged away from the towering inferno.

"Over here! Hurry!" Cried out a familiar voice and I was picked up into a strong pair of arms. "Harry…Harry listen to me, you have to hold on…touch this…everyone ready One…two …three…" I felt something rough and warm beneath my finger tips and then to my dismay felt the harsh tug at my bellybutton inwards and suddenly I was spinning around. "_Port-key_ " I thought to myself dully. All I could see was the image of Draco's face as he damned me and swore to kill me as my body came to a sudden stop at our destination I landed face first on a soft grassy lawn. Managing to get to all fours I promptly vomited.

"We have to get him to St. Mungos."

I heard foot steps running towards me to the right but I was still too far gone to look at who it was. "Good Merlin what has happned, Tonks!" Another familiar voice came from the new person.

"We can't take him to St. Mungos…. They will ask too many questions." Said someone as they went to my side and put an arm around my shoulder and lifted me up, my head rolling uselessly on my weak shoulders.

"Harry….Harry can you hear me?" someone called and I looked up into the face of Mr. Weasley just as I blacked out again.

I woke today…ten days later….what happens now I don't know…but I don't even care any more…I'm no better than the death eaters, I'm a murderer…a cold hearted killer that deserves to be killed in the same fashion or put in Azkaban for the rest of my life. Draco, my Draco, is gone…or maybe he never was. My chest hurts anytime I try and think about it, it's as though I am slowly dying but I am not wounded. Anyone who has ever gotten close to me was only using me, no one has ever loved me…I wish he would find me, find me and kill me. If I ever see him again I will give him that chance. Why is it that even though I know that he has betrayed me why is it my love for him still remains? Why does my heart throb with such horrible pain when he turned against me? I should hate him…but I can't and I wont.

I am truly damned…and there is no salvation for murderers, but am I not destined to murder again? Though Voldemort has killed millions am I really right to kill him in return? Will I even be able to do it? Will Draco kill me first? Oh what has happened to my love? How could he just make up such an intense façade of loving me, how could he do the things he did with me and not love me? What is the point to keep going? Why should I keep fighting any longer when I am destined to loose at his hands?

When will it end?

**------END PART ONE-----**

**Aren't I evil? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Don't worry though, Draco will be back! (and as yummie a ever!) **


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